


PX390 -Under Pressure

by Seryph



Series: PX390 [4]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Alternate Universe - Harry Potter Setting, Azkaban, Bisexual Sirius Black, Established James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, First War with Voldemort, Gay Remus Lupin, Good Parent Lyall Lupin, Hurt Remus Lupin, Hurt Sirius Black, Hurt/Comfort, James Potter & Lily Evans Potter Live, James Potter Lives, Lesbian Marlene McKinnon, Lily Evans Potter Lives, Manipulative Albus Dumbledore, Multi, Post-Sirius Black in Azkaban, Protective Remus Lupin, Remus Lupin Lives, Sad Sirius Black, Second War with Voldemort, Sirius Black & Marlene McKinnon Friendship, Sirius Black Free from Azkaban, Sirius Black Lives, Sirius Black as Padfoot, Sirius Black in Azkaban, The Ministry of Magic (Harry Potter) is Terrible, Werewolf Remus Lupin
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-15
Updated: 2020-12-08
Packaged: 2021-03-05 22:48:46
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 19
Words: 49,764
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25913128
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Seryph/pseuds/Seryph
Summary: What if when Voldemort attacked, the Potters didn't die. James thrown aside, Lily tried to duel and failed. They offered up their lives for Harry, but Voldemort didn't kill them. Harry is still protected by their love, and the Dark Lord vanishes. What happens next? Part of my PX390 series, an AU where everyone - probably - lives. Beginning 31st October, 1981.
Relationships: James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Series: PX390 [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1880608
Comments: 63
Kudos: 183





	1. Chapter 1

**If my Marauders from PX390 went down a different trouser leg of time on the night of October 31st, 1981. AU everybody lives… probably. Complete with all my normal CWs for sex, trauma, abuse, self-harm, drug and alcohol abuse.**

Sirius threw himself off the motorbike, bits of brick and wood littered the road. Muggles were shouting and running, trying to pick over the debris to get to the house. He wasn't aware of the decision to run, but he was running, leaping the gate without bothering to try and open it.

It was Harry's room that had exploded, he knew that. He recognised the Quidditch hoops on the wallpaper covered rubble. It was that thought alone that propelled him through the doorway – the door lying some feet away – to keep his eyes on the stairs and not on the crumpled body in the doorway to the lounge. If James was down, he was dead or unconscious, either way Sirius was of no use to him.

'Lily?' He tried to shout, but it came out as a rasp as he took the stairs four at a time.

'LILY!' He managed the yell as he careened down the landing and staggered to a halt on the broken floorboards. He took in the blood streaked crimson hair, pale face and twisted limbs before the tiny voice sobbed, 'Ee-us… Eeeee-us!'

Sirius launched himself at the cot, scooping up the tiny boy and cradling him against his chest, 'It's alright Harry, it's alright. Everything is going to be alright.'

Harry buried his face in Sirius' shoulder. Sirius took a shuddering breath, and slowly, slowly crouched down.

The hand that wasn't holding his godson reached out, pressing his fingers to Lily's neck. He closed his eyes, trying to calm himself down enough to feel…

'Sirius! What yer doin' here?'

He opened his eyes, fighting the urge to grab his wand. Hagrid's bulky form was staring in through the shattered doorway at him.

'I – Hagrid, she's alive. We need help.'

'Yeh, James is an' all. There's St. Mungo's healers coming.'

Hagrid eyed the younger man, 'Yer should give Harry to me Sirius.'

Sirius took a step back, towards the missing wall, 'Oh yeah? Why's that Hagrid?'

'Dumbledore sent me, so he's safe.'

Sirius shook his head, 'I'm his godfather Hagrid. We're all going to St. Mungo's together. If Dumbledore wants to check on Harry he can come there.'

'That's not what he ask me to do…' The big man sounded uncertain.

Sirius knew then, knew what Dumbledore thought. What Hagrid hadn't realised.

'Can you – fuck everything's a mess – Hagrid pass me that nappy bag.' Something occurred to him, something to keep the half-giant busy, 'Shit. Hagrid, the cat! You're good with animals, can you find her?'

Hagrid's beetle black eyes took in Sirius, and the toddler now sucking his thumb with his head resting on Sirius' shoulder, 'Wot? Yeh, yeh I'll find the bleedin' cat.'

Sirius waited until Hagrid had stomped across the landing to Lily and James' room before he pulled out his wand and levitated her down the stairs. He couldn't bear leaving either of them alone. He knew Healers always said not to move the wounded, but it gave him something to do.

Dammit, Lily was the healer, not him. Anyone but him. Well, not exactly anyone.

The old cold flames leapt easily to fire in the space under his ribs, an iciness that even Harry's warm little body couldn't wholly extinguish. That fucking rat. He laid Lily gently next to her husband, next to Prongs. He still couldn't look at his best friend. Didn't want to see the damage.

Even as he heard the St. Mungo's Healers start to pop into the lane outside, Sirius began to pace. Toddler in one arm, nappy bag over his shoulder. He paced. Willing himself to calm, to focus on Harry, and ignore the visceral canine urge to hurt down the thing that ripped his pack in two. That tore his alp – Sirius shook himself, now wasn't the time to think about _him_ , or about the fighting and how wrong he had been. He couldn't even thing about Peter-fucking-Pettigrew right now, as his mind registered the tight blonde bun of Dorcas Meadowes sprinting across the lawn towards him, her withered left arm held tight in a sling to her chest.

'Siri? What the fuck happened?'

Sirius shook his head, 'It was him, but… He's gone. I don't know. Dorcas, can you… I can't, I don't…' Words evaded him, and she dropped to her knees next to the prone bodies of their friends. She and Lily had been training together as medi-witches, if he trusted anyone that wasn't Lily to patch them up, it was Dorcas.

Harry snuggled closer against Sirius' neck, and his pacing finally slowed, and he mindlessly hummed 'In The Air Tonight', not even realising he was doing it. He had been getting Harry to sleep with it every night he had babysat since the song came out.

Dorcas waved her wand in complex motions over both Lily and James.

She looked up at him, 'Sirius, we need to get the to St. Mungo's. Are you –'

He cut across her, 'Harry's face is cut too.'

He tried to turn his godson to show her, but he whipped his little face around and buried it closer into Sirius' neck.

Dorcas gave a tight little nod as the other Healers strapped the Potters to magical gurneys, 'If he's moving, I'm happy for you to bring him. Can you manage?'

'I can apparate us, we'll meet you there.'

She frowned up at him, like the Potter's he had been in hiding. He could tell she wasn't sure he was in any fit state.

'Straight there. Honest.' He tried to flash her a trademark Sirius Black grin, but he knew it was a twisted wreck of a grimace instead.

'Alright. See you in a minute.'

Sirius turned on his heel and held Harry tight as the apparition whipped them away.

* * *

The news ripped through the camp like fiendfyre.

_The Dark Lord is gone…_

_The Potters killed him…_

_The Order took him out…_

_The Dark Lord destroyed them all…_

_He's dead…_

People were running everywhere as gossip and rumour leapt from campfire to campfire. Moony sat still, a shiver up and down his spine as he took in the details, siphoning the buzzing claims to glean the most likely facts.

Voldemort was gone, that seemed clear. The Potters had been involved was also pretty self-evident. He knew they were a target, he knew they had gone into hiding, but that was all he knew.

After all, someone had suspected him.

The very few werewolves with wands – and most of those were stolen – disapparated, cracks echoed through the trees all around him, but most were running.

The camp hadn't been very subtle, but who would dare encroach on more than fifty werewolves almost all of whom served the Dark Lord. Only now, there was no Dark Lord. No one to stop the Ministry and their Werewolf Capture Unit storming in to take them. Remus very much doubted any of them would see the inside of Azkaban, they would have been "resisting arrest" in all likelihood.

Remus stood up, pushing the wolf back down. There was a bag of stolen clothes in the tent, but they did not seem very important now. Grasping his wand, he spun on the spot and disappeared with a crack.

* * *

There were two things Sirius wanted to do. Well three, but he couldn't even begin to put the third one into words, so he quelled it, shoving it to the back of his mind.

Of course, he couldn't very well do either of the two things he would admit to either.

Firstly, and most desperately he wanted to destroy Peter. He wanted it with a pain so sickly sweet it stuck to his ribs and set them ablaze with cold fury.

Secondly, he wanted to run.

They would be coming, he knew that. Everyone would assume it was him. He and James were inseparable after all. Everyone _knew_ if the Potters were to have a secret keeper it would be him. Which is why he insisted James picked Peter. It had made sense, even Lily had agreed it made the most sense.

But he would have to explain that, slowly and calmly to the same Aurors that he had fought with, and besides and who still thought he might be a treasonous traitorous git because of his thrice dammed name!

Sirius kicked the empty bed next to James'. Hard.

He couldn't really feel it through the steel toe caps of his DMs, but the medi-witch filling in Lily's notes looked up and glared at him, so he pushed the flames back down and kept pacing.

Pacing was good. Harry was asleep, still held tight against Sirius' chest.

They had tried to make him put Harry down, but Sirius had resisted, and the boy had screamed, and everyone decided it was best to let him stay in Sirius' arms for now.

He knew it was cowardly, hiding behind his fifteen-month-old godson. But he just had to hold out until James or Lily woke up. Then they would know the truth.

Dorcas said it wouldn't be until tomorrow. She had made up a little camping cot next to James' bed, but Sirius couldn't bear to sit down.

They had closed the ward too. Apparently, hundreds of witches and wizards were all crowding towards the hospital, to find out what had happened as news spread. All wanting to see the Potters now Voldemort was gone. It was just James and Lily, their beds facing each other across the ward, curtains drawn on one side so no one looking in could see them. And Sirius pacing the floor in between the beds with Harry sleeping on his shoulder.

The part of him that was always Padfoot froze as the sound of angry voices rose outside the door to the ward. On reflex he cupped a hand over the back of Harry's head, the same way he had when Harry was new and even more tiny. He knew that voice, knew that tone.

He turned to face the door, both hands still clearly on Harry, because if they were on the boy then they didn't have a wand in them, and if he didn't have a wand, he couldn't be a threat.

Mad-Eye was levelling his wand at Sirius before the door swung shut behind him.

'Black, don't make this difficult. Just put the boy down and come quiet.'

Sirius shook his head, 'It wasn't me Mad-Eye. It was Peter, we chang – '

'That's quite enough lad. Put the boy down, nice and slow.'

Sirius clung harder to Harry, 'It. Wasn't. Me.' The Black contempt creeping into his voice, 'You fucking _know_ me Moody. I'd murder the whole bloody lot of those scum before I bent the knee.'

'I reckoned I knew a lot of folk Black, now come on, we don't need to make this difficult. There's a lot of Aurors outside.'

Sirius swallowed, 'You've got to let me prove it. James, Lily, they'll back me up.'

'They're not going to be talking for a while Black.' Moody's tone was becoming less and less patient.

'Use a pensive. Veritaserum. Fucking anything, Mad-Eye. I can prove it wasn't me!' Sirius' voice was rising, and Harry startled awake, his cries echoing off the walls and floor.

Sirius bounced him a little, 'Hush love, you're alright Prongslet.'

'Put him down Black. Now.' Moody's growl sent a warning shudder up Sirius' spine and a judder through the Carpathian script tattooed around his left bicep. He was already turning away to put Harry carefully next to Lily. He knew it was coming. Even without a wand he could have summoned twenty different tactics, charms, geas against Mad-Eye. Instead, he was careful his Godson was already over the bed when the stunning spell hit him squarely in the spine.


	2. Chapter 2

**Tuesday 3rd November 1981 – London**

Remus had arrived at St. Mungo's around five thirty on the morning of the first. They would not let him into the closed ward Lily and James were being treated on.

He tried to argue when Dumbledore came for Harry. But where could he take the boy? He had nowhere permanent to live, half the Order were still unaccounted for, and who knew how long Lily and James would be in hospital for?

And, as Dumbledore gently reminded him, he was not Harry's godparent. Not anymore.

He had lingered as long as he dared, then found a Muggle hostel in Charing Cross to shower and lay flat with his eyes shut and pretend that counted as sleep.

He had done the same the day after, sitting for as long as the Healers would let him, then returning to the hostel and trying to scrape a few more hours sleep. All the while, inside his chest Moony paced. Since Dumbledore had been sending him to spy on the other werewolves Moony had been constantly just below the surface but now… Now he was inconsolable. The pack had been torn apart, splintered and sundered. The wolf inside Remus was beyond fury now, and may the gods protect that fucking bastard Black.

Remus stood and paced the waxed floor of St. Mungo's, pacing because what else could he do?

* * *

The cell was under the Ministry. It was cold, the walls ran with condensation and in the light of the flickering blue torch outside the bars of his cell Sirius could see his breath mist before him.

Or he would have done if he was seeing the cell at all.

_Sirius took the stairs three at a time, eyes half shut against the smoke, ears ringing from the sounds of curses being fired up and down the stairwell._

_A brilliant green jet of light shot past his shoulder and he didn't take a moment to think, firing off a return hex as he ploughed forwards. There was a scream as his spell collided with the Death Eater above, and Sirius leapt the fallen body, and flew around the corner._

_He did not stop. Putting his shoulder first and crashing through the door into the flat he knew so well._

_He was moving too fast to be careful, triggering a slicing jinx left as a trap. It would have taken his head off, except for the heavy lump in the hallway carpet that sent him sprawling at the last minute._

_Swallowing, Sirius looked around. He knew what a body on the floor felt like, but the sight of Emma McKinnon's tiny, six-year-old form made his stomach flip._

_He pushed himself up, slowly, trying to avoid the blood on the walls._

_Today was Marlene's birthday. Today her family had come to celebrate. Today the Death Eaters had destroyed them all._

_Sirius' memory dragged him to the bedroom, to the sight of Marlene and her Muggle girlfriend, left on the bed. Pieces of them scattered across the floors and walls…_

'I'm innocent, you fucking shits!' The words tore through his throat in a scream, as his knees hit the stone floor of his cell.

The Dementor on the other side of the cell bars did not react.

Sirius dragged himself to his feet, pacing and repeating the words, 'I didn't kill them. I'm not the traitor. I am innocent.'

The muttered mantra rose in sobs echoing back at him from the stone as the memories sucked Sirius back down into their blackness once more.

* * *

It was 11 AM and the news broke. They had found Peter.

Moony howled in Remus' chest.

Peter's flat was trashed, blood everywhere…. Bits everywhere. The largest piece they had found was a finger apparently.

All Remus could see in his head was Marlene's flat, the descriptions were so close. Sirius had been the one to fight his way into Marlene's flat. Sirius was the one the found in the blood and wreckage. He said he fought his way up while the main body of the fighters had been distracted by the Order downstairs.

But Peter's flat sounded like the same kind of massacre… And the Potter's had been betrayed. And Sirius had been the first person there.

He felt like the wolf was throwing itself at his ribs, fighting to get out and the lack of moon be dammed.

The idea of going to the Ministry was awful. They could take him in on sight. Werewolf, associated with Greyback – though the thought made Remus want to vomit – and walks into the one place no werewolf would be seen.

But he had to see. He had to hear what that bastard had to say for himself.

There were not many public seats in a Wizengamot court. Remus slipped into the end of one bench and stared down at the chair draped in iron shackles below.

The court was not as busy as he thought it would be, maybe the thought of trying one of the last surviving Black heirs, disowned or not, was too much for the Purebloods. Maybe Sirius' mother had threatened them, or worse, maybe she hadn't.

Remus shook himself. Sirius had been disowned, he had revelled in it.

A little voice in his head muttered, _if he were a Death Eater, he could have gone home again._

A quieter voice whispered, _Death Eater or not, he was still gay, still…_

The third and strongest voice insisted, _and it could all have been a lie. Right down to disowning him. A grand lie to get a spy in the Order, right from the very beginning._

Remus shook his head, conspiracy theories were one thing, but that way madness lay. You would end up trusting no one, you would end up… like the Order had, losing and jumping at shadows.

None of that thinking prepared him for the feeling of his rips been torn apart when six Dementors swept into the room, rotten hands dragging the chained and screaming form of Sirius Orion Black between them.

* * *

He was distantly aware he was still screaming when the Dementors pushed him down into the chair and the chains wrapped around his arms and legs. They moved away and the chill receded. Sirius swallowed, fighting the bubbling mania that they seemed to induce. He looked up at the watching witches and wizards above, from under his long black hair that had fallen into his face.

He had never been more glad his father was dead, and Orion was not one of those staring back at him. Until his eyes locked with an identical silver gaze. Of course, his grandfather would have come out of retirement to take Orion's seat. It was not as though Sirius could, being disowned had stripped that right from him.

He purposefully looked away from Arcturus.

Barty Crouch spoke, his voice dripping with disgust, 'Sirius Black, you have been brought here before the Council of Magical Law so that we may pass judgement on you. For your many heinous crimes.'

Sirius felt his lip curl, Crouch was surrounded by the parents of Death Eaters, and yes, he was the criminal.

'You stand accused of spying for He Who Must Not Be Named, leading to the attack and attempted murder of James, Lily and Harry Potter. The murders of the McKinnon family on the 14th of July of this year, and the murder of Peter Pettigrew. The evidence against you has already been presented. I ask the jury – '

The words filtered through to Sirius slowly, and his voice was ragged from screaming when he interrupted, 'Peter is dead?'

The crowd muttered.

Crouch glared at him, 'As if you didn't know Black.'

'Of course, I didn't fucking know! I've been here, for… what date is this?'

'It is the third.'

 _Fuck_ thought Sirius, three days. It felt like three months.

'How could I have attacked Peter? I was in St. Mungo's with…' His voice cracked and he swallowed, trying to batter through, but Crouch spoke over him.

'This Council is already satisfied with your guilt. Now, will the jury please raise – '

'I didn't do that! Or the, the McKinnons! I was there to rescue them, anyone who was there will tell you.' Sirius looked around the room wildly, for anyone who could… _Fuck_.

Remus. Remus was watching all of this, cold impassion on his face informing Sirius that the wolf was right fucking there, fighting to be let loose.

'Remus! It wasn't me, you were there Lupin, please!' He sounded insane, he could hear the manic horror in his voice, the pleading that under any circumstances a room full of the wizarding community would never have surfaced.

Remus' eyes were bright gold when they lock with his and Sirius tried to will his thoughts to him, _it wasn't me, it was Peter. I'm so sorry._

Remus just blinked. He didn't even look away, but the iciness of his stare told Sirius there would be no quarter. No rescue and reprieve.

'That is enough Black.' Crouch snapped, 'Will the jury raise their hands if they, as I do, believe you should be sentenced to life in Azkaban prison for these most awful crimes.'

Sirius bit through his lip, fighting the overwhelming need to plead innocence, to beg, as hand after hand rose.

He straightened his back as much as the chains would allow.

He made not a single sound as the Dementors flowed back into the room. As the chains released him. As they took him away.

It didn't matter anymore. What mattered was Voldemort was gone. What matter was the Potters would live.


	3. Chapter 3

**We're going to Azkaban with Sirius for a bit, so CW from this chapter on for… well, everything. Disordered eating, self-harm, violence, sexual assault, suicide, mental health, abuse. This is the same Sirius from my one-shots and canonical story, so he's not exactly had an easy life. Remus, equally, is not having a good time and some of his memories are going to be massively unpleasant too.**

**I promise we will get to some happier bits soon. And, you know, maybe some actual WolfStar!** **Anyway, here we go, please feel free to R &R, I love any kind of feedback, and take care out there!**

* * *

**Thursday 26th November 1971**

Sirius was working hard. From the count in his head he had maybe twenty-five more minutes before the Dementors flowed back through the corridors of the prison and he couldn't work anymore. Twenty-five more minutes to cut and apply what he definitely shouldn't be calling ink.

The nail had been the hardest work. Pried from the metal bed frame and ground against the stone walls of his cell until it was wicked sharp. The lampblack from the torches and mixed with his own piss was easy after that.

His hands shook, and he couldn't stop them. Nicotine withdrawal, he told himself, ignoring all the other possible reasons. The lines he cut, digging the nail through his skin were ragged, the runes wobbling in a way none of his tattoos had for years. A Latin upsilon for unity, binding the others together blossomed in blood just above his right bicep. It was joined by the aurochs – _Ur_ , and not his first one, he called on the strength rune regularly, not to mention the lesser known association of savagery in combat.

Sirius closed his eyes, listening to the rush of his blood in his ears, and the crash of the North Sea against the fortress walls below. He opened his eyes and pulled the next rune out of his skin. _Laguz_ – water, but also dreams and psychic energy. He'd be dammed if he wouldn't wrestle some control over his sleep. What little he got. Icy nothing filled his chest and he forced himself to concentrate.

The last was hardest to summon his dwindling magic to. Gods, oak and ash trees mingled together in the form of _Ansuz_. He tried to focus on a memory, any memory, of the ash tree in the Hogwarts ground. It towered over the edge of the lake, far on the other side to the castle. They had laid under it many times, the dappled shade cool on his skin. Sirius made the cuts, three sharp lines.

The nail dropped from his twitching fingers.

Sirius tried to reach for the little bowl of ink he had made, but even that seemed like too much effort. He was so tired, so cold. He opened his eyes blearily, wondering if he had somehow managed to cut something life threateningly important in his arm, but the blood was oozing lightly, drying at the edges, nothing poured or gushed.

He heard a scream from further down the corridor and realised. The Dementors were coming back.

Desperation spurred him on, coating his fingers with the black stuff he pushed it into the wounds. No time to layer the magic now, he had to make sure the tattoo remained. His hand clamped down on his arm and the mist started to form at the edges of his vision.

_'… you disgusting little beast! Crucio!'_

'No.' Sirius growled, 'Not today. Fuck off.' His breath was already ragged from the effort of keeping his mind clear. Not letting the Dementors win.

_'You are just like your father, always rolling in the filth…'_

He pressed harder on the open wound, his stomach twisting at the pain, but it was better than listening to – reliving – that old bitch tormenting him.

'You can do better than this, I love that day!' He bared his teeth at the Dementor through the bars, even knowing it couldn't see him, 'That's the day they threw me out, worst memory? Ha!' He barked a laugh, 'De me a fucking favour.'

It might be the rest of his life, but that didn't mean he wasn't going down fighting.

* * *

Remus had managed to get a job. Yes, it was part time, and yes it was in the Muggle newsagents on the corner by St. Mungo's. But it was covering the hostel and he still couldn't bring himself to move any further from James and Lily. Dorcas had offered her sofa to him, but he had declined. He knew Benji had moved in, after the attack that had lost her the use of her arm, and cost Benji his sight. There was no need to add himself to the mix.

She had also told the other Healers to let him onto the ward now, and he sat for an hour or two in between his shifts, alternating between Lily's bed and James'. To James he read the Quidditch pages of the Prophet, and to Lily he read The Hobbit. It didn't take long, and soon he had to start bringing her copy of The Lord of the Rings, his own still in his father's cottage in Wales.

Sometimes other people where there when he arrived. Everyone knew he and James had been close at Hogwarts, people made room to let him sit at their sides. Sometimes people came after he arrived. Mostly people where kept out, the well-wishers and such. The Potters were patients, Dorcas had said firmly, not a tourist attraction.

It had been Fabian Prewet that had told him about the Longbottoms. He and Gideon had been the Aurors on scene after the attack. Fabian looked as though he wanted to hug Remus, so Remus had turned away. He couldn't bear the sympathy he saw in the rest of the Orders' eyes. Not just because Lily and James hadn't woken. Not just because Harry was gone, taken to Lily's Muggle sister. Not just because Peter was dead. Not even because Sirius had betrayed them. But because, after everything, they still remembered when he and Sirius – Black, he forced himself to think, because of the history between him and Black.

Everyday it hung on him. But then, wasn't that why he had left? They hadn't trusted each other anymore. He had suspicions about Sir – Black! – for some time. Turns out they were right.

Being right hadn't tempered the wolf any. Remus was still coughing the occasional fleck of blood into his hankie even now, at the new moon. The wolf had howled until its throat had very literally shredded. Then it had nearly escaped.

The wolf always tried to escape, years of relative freedom with the Marauders, then spying on Greyback's pack meant the wolf hated being cooped up again. But this time was different. The cellar of the cottage he used in the moors had partially collapsed in his attempts to break free. It would take Remus days he couldn't afford to rebuild and strengthen it again.

And still the wolf paced inside, the tug on his chest was still there as he remembered Sirius. The sounds pouring from the man he had called a friend when the Dementors dragged him in, the blood on his mouth when he stopped fighting. Worse, the panicked pleading that had come in between.

The wolf growled and Remus gave it a mental shove. Black was just trying to save his own skin, nothing more. He meant nothing. Just a fucking traitor, Death Eating scum.

* * *

It was the 11th of December. Sirius knew that. He knew that because the moon was full. Not that he could see it through the bars of his cell window. Not that he was going anywhere near them. He sat on the cot, all his limbs curled in tight. You couldn't risk touching the metal of the bars, or the bed with bare skin. It was easily fifteen of twenty degrees below freezing, and that would burn. Even the chill of the Dementors seemed lessoned but given the pile of snow coming through the open bars of his cell, that was surprising.

No, Sirius' knew it was the full moon because the full alchemical lunar clock tattooed on his outer thigh told him so. As it ticked and turned through the seasons and phases under his skin. Even now, even when Remus had left and they had both blamed each other for being the spy, it was still one of Sirius' most treasured tattoos. They had designed it together. The layers of ink and magic required for the ever-moving design.

Of course, these thoughts were what drove today's living nightmare of memories. The Dementors didn't need to be close to him now. Sirius lived in his worst moments even without their direct influence. He just had to close his eyes to see…

_He was throwing up. Again. The combination of alcohol, LSD and magic effectively emptying his stomach for him. Fifteen and completely fucked, Sirius thought with a smirk, in more ways than one._

_He was still buzzing and sitting against the tiled wall of the boys' bathroom was agonising. Lube hadn't even been an option, even before objects and fists had been. He relished it, hoarding the pain like a miser. There was cum in his hair. He could smell it, and that alone made his stomach turn over again. He leant sideways, bringing up nothing but stomach acid into the toilet bowl. He spat again, there was a little blood in it now, from the retching, but he didn't care._

_That's what he had to keep telling himself. He didn't care._

_Sirius patted his pockets, but his tobacco was in his bag, over by the sink. His wand too._

_He swore lightly, and waved a hand, the wandless magic making his head swim and more retching. But the bag landed neatly next to his leg._

_He had just finished rolling when the bathroom door opened._

_He lazily looked up._

_Remus, in his striped pyjamas that were far to short in the leg now, was glaring at him. He slipped around the door, shutting it silently behind him._

_'It's… it's all silenced Moony.' Sirius slurred, 'Oh, sorry, my bad. Lupin. Right? That's what we are doing now yeah?'_

_Remus' prefect badge was pinned to the deep scarlet cardigan he had pulled on over his pyjamas. James' mum had got it for him._

_'You're out of bed Black, after curfew. And I can smell the booze from here.'_

_Sirius flicked the match with his nail, setting it to the end of his cigarette. He inhaled, waiting._

_'And now you are smoking? In front of prefect?'_

_'Yes. Next question?' Sirius could hear how fucked up he was._

_Remus crossed the tiled floor towards him and stopped short. His nostrils flaring. 'Is that blood Black?'_

_'You tell me.' Sirius smirked icily, 'Your senses were always better than mine.'_

_He knew he should not be doing it like this. Remus had not spoken to him in three weeks. Not since the prank._

_Glancing down, he saw Remus had the prototype map in his hands. That must have been how he found him._

_Following Sirius' gaze, Remus shoved it into his pocket._

_'Worrying about me?' Sirius crooned._

_'Are you fucking trying to get expelled?' Remus said, ignoring the drunken Sirius' question._

_'Would it matter?'_

_'Of course, it…' Remus shook his head and reached out to grab Sirius' arm, dragging him upright, 'You are coming back to Gryffindor. No more sleeping in fucking hidden corridors.'_

_'You don't give a shit Lupin.'_

_Remus let go of his arm and spun to stare at him, 'No. You're right. I really fucking don't. And this pathetic attempt to make us pity you isn't helping either.' His lip curled, 'You're a disgrace Sirius. But it's tearing James apart. You are tearing James apart with your selfish fucking bullshit. So, come the fuck back.'_

_With this Remus grabbed him again and dragged the wasted Sirius step by step back to Gryffindor tower. Without another word._


	4. Chapter 4

**Saturday 9th January 1982**

A lunar eclipse went one of a few different ways, and Remus never knew which it would be until the moon rose. Because that was the rule, when the moon was above the horizon the wolf was in charge until the moon set. Sometimes if it had been behind cloud, he had a little while longer before the change it, sometimes it didn't.

What changed was how the wolf felt.

Tonight, Remus could feel the edge of his consciousness, he was still there, inside the wolf's mind and watching through the wolf's eyes. Normally he would disappear, no longer being Remus shape thoughts at all, even though he would remember bits and pieces. But tonight…

The werewolf paced the dirt floor of the cellar. He had torn through the wall and part of the roof over there two moons before, and now it was repaired. Stronger even. The man part had done it, he knew that. He could smell the wizard form and his magic everywhere. The wolf growled.

Nothing was right here. He had hated the big pack. Tens of werewolves all together, it was wrong. There was so much fighting, and his injuries had been bad. Neither he nor the wizard managed to stay out of fights. Always rubbing other werewolves the wrong way, no matter what form they held.

It had been nearly two years since _his_ pack had run all together. More than a year since Padfoot had been at his side under the moon. He growled. Where was his pack? Something had happened. Something terrible. It was when the wizard had been in charge of the body they shared. Something to do with the pack, with the dog and the stag and the little grey rat. It hurt his soul, and he threw his head back and howled.

Inside, he could feel the wizard. Awake and aware. The wolf growled, not impressed by the imposition.

Nothing happened.

He shook his fur and sniffed the air. The moon was up, that was a certainty, but its pull seemed weaker, which explained the man.

The wolf began to pace.

* * *

Padfoot jumped off the cot, landing all four paws in the fresh snow under the cell window. The great black dog peered up at the sky, the bright orange moon, huge and glowing, shone down on him. He wanted to howl at it. Howl for his alpha, out there somewhere and alone. But Padfoot had learnt silence.

This was the third time he had woken as the dog, not the man. Somewhere in his subconscious he had realised that the Dementors couldn't reach him so badly in here, wrapped in fur and scents – most were awful, but distracting – and sounds. Besides, the memories that came with the dog shape were good memories for the most part.

He rolled over and over in the fresh snow. His fur stank, he stank. And the cell itself wasn't much better. But the snow at least offered a chance to wash some of the filth from himself.

He ran his tongue over another fresh tattoo. They were not visible in his fur, the black ink become more black fur. The injured flesh however, remained. This latest was on his side, it drew his attention to the way his tongue bounced over the dog's ribs. The dog whined softly. He knew he hadn't eaten in a while. Since before the Crouch boy was brought in. His screams had echoed everywhere, along with Bella's manic cackling. She had been delighted when she saw Sirius through the bars. He knew he hadn't eaten since then. The bowls came and went intermittently, but he didn't bother to keep track.

Hunger was a constant. He had been hungry before Hogwarts, hungry in the holidays that forced him back to the hell. Hungry when the darkness inside Sirius was too much to bear with a full stomach. He knew where he stood with hunger.

Padfoot sniffed the air. The snow was a blessed relief, a sharp clean smell that covered the smells from inside the prison, the rotting humans locked in their cages.

It was warmer too as the dog, his fur thicker than the parchment thin prison robes. The bed was tempting, but sleep was not. Even as he felt his head nod with exhaustion. He stood up and began to pace.

* * *

Remus woke to blinding agony.

Blearily he raised his head, drying blood matting his head to the dirt floor. The cellar seemed mostly intact. That was good. He tried to push himself up on one elbow, and bit back a scream. At a single glance he knew his right arm was shattered, he could see bone poking out. He slumped back and let unconsciousness take him.

* * *

It was too bright.

Lily screwed her eyes shut at the white light that stabbed into them. She took a slow measured breath, where was she?

Heart thumping, she remembered the high-pitched voice, the laugh, the flashes of light as she tried to duel being forced back and back. The bars of the cot behind her.

Lily sat up, ramrod straight and fumbling for her wand, 'No! Not Harry! No!'

Her bright green eyes shot open and she tried to draw in breath against the rising panic, no wand. No crib, no nursery.

Where was she?

Her surroundings filtered in, layering confusion over her panic.

The smell of clean linen and fresh herbs as much as the beds and mint green walls told her it was St. Mungo's. A familiar shape lay so very still in the bed across from hers. Lily threw off the sheets and tried to stand, but her legs wouldn't hold her. She hit the floor hard, with a bang and tried to crawl, 'James?' Desperation filled her voice as she struggled toward the hospital bed.

'Lily!'

She did not spare a glance for Dorcas. Pulling herself up by the chair next to the bed, Lily clung on and stared down at the love of her life. James' tan skin was pale against the white sheets. A puckered scar ran from his neck down under the clean pyjamas and disappeared.

Dorcas took her arm, 'Lily, please you should be in – '

'What happened? Where is Harry?'

Dorcas firmly sat her in the chair next to James' bed, 'Harry is safe.'

Lily looked her in the eye but saw no lie there. She let out a breath she hadn't realised she was holding, 'Thank Merlin. What happened?'

Dorcas glanced over her shoulder towards the ward doors, 'You should be resting.'

'Tell me Dorcas Eloise Meadowes, right the fuck now.'

She sighed, 'You Know Who came to your house. He attacked you and James, the house was… well it's being rebuilt now.'

'What about Harry? How bad?'

Dorcas shook her head, 'I don't really… it's complicated. Harry is fine. Honestly, he was just fine. Voldemort tried to kill him, that's what Dumbledore said.' She raised her good hand to stop Lily from exploding, 'But he's fine. He had a little cut but that's all. Dumbledore said he will be okay. Please, will you let me examine you?'

Lily nodded, slowly, 'Yes. Alright. And James?'

Dorcas shot a look at the prone figure, 'He was pretty bad. We think You Know Who must have thought he was dead –' Seeing the look on Lily's face she rushed on, 'But he will live. He's really heavily sedated, for the pain, but we started weening him off it today so he should wake up soon.'

Lily closed her eyes and let Dorcas wave her wand over her.

'Alright, you seem to be okay. But I want you to rest, please.'

Lily shook her head, 'Can you owl Sirius, please. I need to see Harry – what is it?'

Dorcas' face had gone even whiter than before, 'Lily… Harry isn't with Sirius.'

Lily felt the cavern in her stomach open again, the same fear that she felt for her husband and son blossomed once more. Sirius was a brother to them. 'Please no. They got him?'

Dorcas nodded, 'Yes,' She took in the distress on her friend's face, 'Don't worry. He's in Azkaban now, you'll never have to – what are you doing?'

Lily had pushed herself out of the chair. Of course they would suspect Sirius.

'I need clothes, and my wand.'

'What do you mean? You aren't well Lils.'

Lily shot her a look that was all fire, 'Sirius wasn't our fucking secret keeper.'


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter Five

Remus staggered as he collided with the woman in the corridor, he had been hugging the wall to avoid people, but she wasn’t exactly going in a straight line.

‘Excuse me.’ He growled, annoyed and exhausted in equal measure.

The woman stopped and then her pale arms were pinning his to his sides as she wrapped tightly around his waist. It was only then he recognised the fiery red hair. Weeks in the hospital had covered the scent of her, but as Remus pulled her closer the vanilla and cinnamon and sunlight smell that was always Lily alone drifted up to him.

‘Remus.’ She sounded angry and tearful, ‘Thank God.’

He let her step back and caught her elbow to steady her, frowning, ‘Should you be out of bed?’

‘I’m discharging myself. You are coming with me. Dorcas is sitting with James until we all get back.’ She grabbed his hand and started back off the way Remus had come, towards the exit.

‘Lily! What’s happening?’ Remus tried to protest as Lily swayed in her step.

‘There’s no time, come on! I can’t apparate, apparently our wands are being held as evidence? You’ll have to take us.’

Remus lengthened his stride to keep up with the shorter woman, ‘It was _the moon last night_ ´ he hissed, ‘If I’m going to endanger us by apparating, can you at least tell me where we are going?’

People were staring now as Lily pushed into the lift, jamming the button for the foyer where the apparition spot was.

‘To the Ministry, obviously.’

The other people in the lift were definitely staring as the red head and her heavily scarred companion. Remus had butterfly stitches across his cheek and bandages everywhere. He had downed yet another bottle of Skele-gro that morning, but his whole right forearm from knuckles to elbow was tightly wrapped. The damage hadn't lessoned since the lunar eclipse, if anything the wolf seemed angrier, the wounds Remus woke with, worse.

‘Yes, I am Lily Potter.’ Lily snapped as the whispering started, ‘No, I’m not taking bloody questions. Come on Remus, out.’ She pushed him in the chest and grabbed his arm to drag him to the apparition spot.

The wolf growled through Remus that time at the sparks of pain she sent up his arm. Lily dropped his wrist and turned to take in how thin and grey he looked, the damage everywhere. She put a gentle hand on his upper arm, somewhere the wolf always had trouble damaging and was normally a pretty safe spot.

‘I’m so sorry Remus.’ He voice was soft, but he could still see the burning fury and need to get where she was going in his eyes, ‘I need to get to Harry, Dorcas told me he is with my idiot sister,’ She ground her teeth, ‘And we need to get Sirius back, before James wakes up and we all end up imprisoned when he blows the entire Ministry up.’

Remus shook his head, ‘No, Lily, I was there. At the sentencing.’

She took a step back, away from him and Remus saw the distrust in her eyes. The distrust they had all lived with through out this ridiculous, awful war.

‘He betrayed you.’ He pleaded, because there could only be one reason she was looking at him like that, ‘He sold you out…’ The words sounded hollow to Remus’ own ears.

‘No. Sirius wasn’t our secret keeper.’

Remus shut his amber eyes, dread filled his stomach and chest like lead, ‘You switched,’ he breathed, ‘And you didn’t tell me in case it was me. It was Peter.’

Lily nodded, coming back to his side again, ‘Yes, and Remus I’m sorry. But we must go now. Can you do it?’

He opened his eyes again, ‘Let’s get Harry first. The Ministry will be more inclined to listen when we have “The Boy Who Lived” with us.’

Lily raised an eyebrow, ‘That is an awful name.’

Remus smiled for the first time in what felt like years, he wrapped one arm around Lily, and her hand closed around his on his wand. They spun into the squeezing darkness.

* * *

**Azkaban**

The dog shape would not come. Neither would the ability to stand up. Though the second one bothered Sirius far, far less. He could remember Padfoot, being Padfoot and rolling in the snow under the full moon. He thought there had been another one since, or more. There was not snow anymore, he knew that much.

The world kept spinning. And a voice in his head wouldn’t shut up.

_‘Drink it. You pathetic waste of my flesh.’_

_Sirius tossed his head, summoning the arrogant look they had bred into him._

_‘I would rather drink your piss, from the source.’_

_His mother flicked her wand and straps across his forehead and arms were added to the ones holding his legs to the dining chair._

_‘You will be forced then.’_

_He felt rather than heard his father walking towards him from behind. He fought the urge to grip the chair arms, he would not show fear._

_Orion wasn’t stupid enough to put his hands near Sirius’ mouth, and the goblet of potion rose from the table with a lazy flick of his wand._

_Sirius clamped him mouth shut._

_Orion sighed, ‘Such a pity Sirius, you never could behave.’_

_The spell took out his from four teeth like a sledgehammer blow. He had to open his mouth to spit out the shards of tooth and blood, and the potion washed in. Like liquid tar is coated his mouth, his throat and all the way down. It tasted like the sweet purification of meat gone to rot, the bitter spice of dark magic, and the chill of venom._

_His eyes rolled back into his head as it burnt along his veins…_

Sirius’ fingers clawed at his throat, his chest, the magic that once fizzed under his skin cold and oozy now, dying.

He tried to push himself up and succeeded in falling face first onto the dirt floor.

He was freezing, and wet. And stank. At some point in the swirling kaleidoscope of memory he had let go of his bladder and bowels. Once he would have been disgusted, but no more.

In the distance he could hear screams. Two voices in particular jangled along his nervous system, they seemed to be reliving their own versions of the same memory. He crawled to the furthest corner of his cell, not noticing the rocking motion that banged his temple against the wall. Bellatrix was begging her _master_ , _her fucking love_ , to stop it. It sounded like rape, and frankly Sirius wouldn’t have cared if he could. Bellatrix had been in too many of his memories lately for him to have any sympathy left.

But it was Regulus voice that seemed to be dragging his soul with it to hell. Even in his misery a tiny shred of a smirk crossed Sirius’ face, not that he reckoned he had a soul – mother had been right about that. Regulus had been dragged here nearly dead six months before Sirius. He had hoped his brother lived, but now all Sirius wished was that he would die. Or go silent like the others, like he had been when Sirius had first arrived. His anguish, memories of torture passed on by Voldemort was nearly too much to bear.

Sirius’ head hit the stone harder, and under the stench of the cell and of himself he smelt blood.

Somewhere, the tiny part of him that had managed to smirk pushed forward. Made him move his hand to his skull, it came away slick with blood.

He wasn’t thinking, not really, just moving mechanically, jerkily.

When the blood on his head dried, he bit and clawed at his fingers and hands to get more. The nail he had used to paint his skin was long lost in a spell of madness.

As he drew, breath came back. It wouldn’t be permanent, that he knew. Nothing lasted long in this place. But the marks shone with what wild magic was left in Sirius’ blood and he drew them from memory, over and over again.

Some where mimics of the spells layered into his skin, the tattoos from transfiguration, transmutation, for strength, for silence. Others he strung together, half remembered sigils and runes. Latin and Aramaic and Greek, and some stranger older things stored deep in his mind from years of studying his father’s library suddenly fresh in his mind again from the memories the dementors inflicted and now suddenly used against them and this purgatory of madness.

He had to lay down, eventually. Blood loss and exhaustion claiming him. Sirius curled in on himself, no mean task at six foot one, but made so much easier now his knees could press against the bones of his ribs with only skin and thin robes between them. He pressed tight to the walls and floor, in the little corner her had carved out shelter in his own blood, scrawled across the dirt and stone in his own blood. The ravings of a madman.

* * *

Lily staggered when they landed in Privet Drive, jostling Remus slightly, before she was off and running. Literally running this time, her baby was so close she didn’t give a damn who saw or heard as she skidded onto the drive of number four and hammered furiously on the door.

Remus came more slowly, jogging to keep up. He hadn’t taken his eyes off of her since she had hugged him back at the hospital and Lily knew, just knew how fragile he was, but her son had to come first. If she didn’t have Harry in her arms in the next minute she would explode, wand or no wand.

She hadn’t, particularly, given much thought to how her muggle sister was going to react to her appearing on the front doorstep, a very battered werewolf in tow.

Petunia, complete with frilly apron actually tried to slam the door in her face.

‘Let me in Tunie!’ Lily shoved the door, barely registering Remus’ long arms reaching around her to help, ‘I want my son.’

They barged in, and Lily shot passed her sister at speed, ‘Harry! Harry love, it’s Mummy.’ She yelled, heading straight for the sound of cartoons. Dudley was sitting on the rug in front of the telly, stuffing handfuls of coco pops into his mouth, eyes glued to a video of Danger Mouse. She spun around, looking across the pristine room for her whirlwind son.

‘Harry!’

The kitchen. Must be. Lily thought, running back to the hall and ignoring the increasing dizziness that was threatening to pull her down. Except the hall was blocked by Remus and Petunia. Lily frowned, why was the cupboard under the stairs open, what was Remus doing bending in there…

Lily’s heart had stopped. She was almost certain it had, as Remus straightened with the tiny black-haired bundle she would have known absolutely anywhere in the world.

She didn’t speak, didn’t register moving but then she was taking _her son_ from Remus’ arms and Harry was upset and Remus’ arms were around them both and tears were falling.

It took Lily a moment to realise she was crying.

Then a moment longer to wrench herself free of Remus. She spun and glared at Petunia, ‘Why the _fuck_ was my son in your fucking cupboard?’

There was horror, and something else in her sister’s face, but Petunia pulled herself up to her full height and said in her haughtiest tone, ‘It seemed like the best place for him. You realise we have been paying for his food, nappies the lot? You should be grateful – ‘

Lily slapped her. It was not the hardest slap she had ever managed, but by the gods it was the most deserved.

Lily turned, calmly, ‘Let’s go Remus.’

Her arms and head were full of Harry, but even through that she could feel the werewolf vibrating behind her. Remus’ parents had a very good reason to lock him away as a child, and only once a month. But that did not mean he, or the wolf who was so close she could see it pacing behind Remus’ eyes were happy about it.

He dragged those golden eyes from her sister’s face, to Lily. And then to Harry, who was starting to sob silently, in her arms. He nodded and turned to let Lily pass.

She decided in that moment that is Remus hexed her sister then it was all fair and strode out of the house, hiding her surprise when he simply followed her, slamming the door behind them.

Harry was becoming distraught, too much change and stress on such a tiny human. Lily automatically went to pull her top down, she had still breastfed him a bit before… Dorcas explanation came flooding back. She had been unconscious for the better part of four months. There was nothing left to give Harry anymore.

She sighed, feeling exhausted. Remus guided her down the road and they sat on the wall at the end.

Harry pressed his scrunched-up face to her chest and Lily let him give it shot. She was fairly certain he wasn’t getting anything, but the action of nursing seemed to calm him down. And, she hoped, would remind him who she was.

Lily leant sideways against Remus.

‘So, how do we do the next part?’

Remus slid his arm around her shoulder, he held her tight, tighter than James ever would. Lily hadn’t been happy, totally, with Remus’ more possessive side. Not when it came to the boys, and especially not Sirius. She’d worried when Harry came along, and Remus had been spending so much time on secret missions for the Order.

Now though… well if she couldn’t have James, Remus was a fairly good option. For a change, the quiet, possessiveness Remus showed all of his “pack” as Sirius called them was reassuring.

Remus took a breath, ‘First, we get you and Harry somewhere to rest. I can probably apparate us all…’ He sounded doubtful though.

Lily shook her head, ‘I don’t want to try, not with Harry too. And I want to be close to James.’

Remus frowned, she could almost hear him weighing up options. Then he reached into the pocket of his battered old tweed jacket and pulled out a keyring with a single, heavy mortice key on it. ‘We can go to Bl- Sirius’, it hasn’t been sold yet.’

Lily nodded, not asking why Remus was still carrying the key on his person and stuck her wand arm out over the curb to summon the Knight Bus.

  


  



	6. Chapter 6

It had been a year since Remus had last set foot in this flat. He didn’t know if the Ministry had torn down Sirius’ defences, or if he had never guarded against Remus because he apparated right to the front door like a knife through butter.

Lily nearly fell that time. She sagged against Remus’ arm and he saw she looked as grey and tired as he felt.

‘We’re nearly there, Lily.’ He murmured, jamming his key into the lock and growling a little when it stuck, like it always did.

Lily nodded and tried to stand up straight. Harry was still cradled tightly against her chest, but his bright green eyes were staring all around as Remus finally managed to get the deep scarlet door open.

They staggered through the door together and stopped. The ministry had been here. Remus had been expecting the standard Padfoot mess. Ashtrays overflowing, empty bottles, empty newspapers from fish and chips, bowls and takeaway containers from the Chinese downstairs. Sirius rarely cooked just for himself, only for guests or… Remus swallowed angrily that the Ministry could do this to the flat he once lived in too.

Every cupboard had been emptied. Behind the kitchen worktop that separated it from the lounge Remus could see swaths of smashed crockery. Mostly bits they had rescued from charity shops, a few hand-me-downs from Remus’ parents, all browns and greens and oranges from the sixties. To his right though, their sofa had been slashed open, stuffing leaking everywhere, and a cold draft told him at least one of the windows had been smashed.

Remus managed a ‘ _Reparo_ ’ on the sofa, and delicately steered Lily onto it.

She was watching him, green eyes filled with concern, ‘Remus? I can help. Just let me –’

He cut across her, ‘You will sit there please. You are in no state.’

‘Nor are you.’ Lily had always tried to take care of him, from the very beginning.

He dragged the ghost of a smile across his face, ‘I’m just going to fix a teapot and put the kettle on. Once we’ve had a cuppa, we’ll both feel better.’

Lily grinned suddenly, ‘You must be tired, your accent has gone all _Valleys._ ’ She did an awful impersonation of a Welsh accent of the word ‘valleys’. It made him chuckle.

‘Nid oes dim yn well na phaned.’ He smiled at her, switching back to English, ‘And if I know Padfoot, there’s probably some diluting juice around here somewhere if the Prongslet would like some?’

The Marauders’ names made Lily suddenly extremely interested in the top of her son’s head. Remus could still hear the teary hitch in her voice though, even if he couldn’t see her cry, ‘Oh I’m sure he would. Harry, do you want some squash?’

Harry looked up at his name but said nothing back.

Lily frowned at Remus then, ‘He was talking, you know, before.’

Remus nodded, ‘He’s had a lot on. It will come back.’

He pottered into the kitchen, trying to stay calm. He repaired the crockery and filled the kettle – Sirius had insisted on a fancy electric one – and hunted for the tea.

A few minutes later he sat down next to Lily on the sofa, a mug of his favourite loose-leaf earl grey for each of them, and he had found an unopened box of biscuits. Harry was cheerfully munching on a Garibaldi and sipping from a cup of very weak blackcurrant diluting juice.

Remus studied Lily’s face, she looked beyond shattered. He knew her physical wounds had healed well over a month ago, but the magical and emotional damage was unknown. He also had not seen her this frantic since she had been nine months pregnant with Harry. Unable to help the Order because everyone agreed the risk of her going into labour in the middle of a pitched fight was a bit much. She had paced and cooked and made hundreds of potions and healing poultices.

‘So,’ She said, dragging his attention back, ‘We need to get Sirius. Tell me what happened at his trial?’

Remus sighed, ‘Lily, we need to rest. You especially.’

‘I can’t.’ She said it simply, like it was fact, ‘Not knowing the dementors have him. It will be tearing him apart. And you know it.’

Remus pushed a hand through his hair, ‘I know. I know it will. But Lily, we are of absolutely no use to him if neither of us can stand up.’

She started to say something, but he shook his head, ‘No. I mean this. We both need to sleep and get some food. I dare say Harry could do with something too, he’s too thin.’

Lily bit her lip then, and considered the boy on her lap, ‘Yes. I am sorry Remus, you’re right. And he could do with a change of clothes. Those don’t fit him.’ She made a face.

Remus stood up, ‘That is easily solved.’

First, he repaired the front room window, to keep the chill out. Then, biting his lip and forcing his shoulders back, he slipped back into the hall and into the bedroom.

The Aurors had trashed in here too. Remus was beginning to wonder if they had damaged things unnecessarily on purpose at this point, as he walked through a drift of feathers from the duvet. From _his_ duvet. The bed Sirius had left was made with sheets and blankets. He had never had a duvet before Remus had moved in. He had loved it. It must have been on top of the wardrobe when they had searched the place.

Remus opened the bottom drawer of the chest of drawers, mercifully this had been left alone. Rummaged through, enough to make Remus and the wolf more frustrated. The state of the flat was beginning to wear on him.

He collected a few things, and the cotton wool that had been in the bathroom cabinet but was now strewn across the bottom of the thankfully dry bath.

Lily was slumped more sideways than anything on the sofa now. Green eyes half closed, and one hand wrapped protectively around Harry’s middle to stop him from falling off. Or Remus thought, moving out of contact. She struggled up a bit when he cleared his throat, but Remus waved her back down.

He put the things from the bedroom on the sofa next to Lily and then collapsed gratefully into his armchair next to the fireplace. 

Lily considered the pile, and then when she looked up at him again this time, she didn’t try to hide the tears that welled up. ‘Oh Remus, I forgot he always did that.’

‘Happy Winter Harry.’ Remus smiled, hearing Sirius’ voice in his head from just before Hallowe’en 1980.

_‘Look! I’ve got him a jumper for every month until spring!’_

_‘But why Pads?’_

_‘Because no one_ should _be cold.’_

Grimmauld Place must have been freezing, because yet again there had been five woolly jumpers in the bottom drawer. Sirius always kept nappies, spare vests and leggings for Harry, just in case of emergencies on a visit, and the jumpers went in on top.

‘There’s another winter’s worth, so we don’t have to worry.’

She laughed then, and Remus joined in. Harry, looking from one apparently mad adult to the other went from worried to giggling. His little bubbling joy at being back with people who loved him spurred them into action.

Remus managed to find some camomile lotion for the rash on Harry’s bum. Lily scowled as she changed him, muttering profanities at her sister as she went. ‘I should have hexed her where she stood.’

Remus privately agreed, even as he was glad Lily hadn’t had a wand. That was not how they needed to start a conversation with Magic Law Enforcement. Not if they wanted Sirius back.

By the time he had found a spare quilt – made by Lily as a housewarming gift for them – Lily and Harry were both passed out on the sofa. The tiny boy curled in against his mum, one little fist wrapped in a flaming red curl. Remus sat down in his chair again, meaning to keep watch over them. The burning protectiveness of the wolf bright in his chest.

* * *

He wasn’t very certain the runes and spells on the walls and floor were actually helping. Not magically anyway. His head was clearer than it had been. He’d woken as Padfoot again, which was a blessing.

Sirius surveyed the mess. He couldn’t read half of his scrawlings. Maybe the magic had worked, or maybe having tried to do something, anything, had been the solution. Either way, he was pleased.

No, not pleased. No emotion close to pleasure could be achieved in this place.

He’d kept it up all day. Digging new designs into the stone of his cell with a new splinter of metal from the bed. There had been food that morning, but he had given up on the third mouthful of gruel. The second had made him retch, and the idea of vomiting was too much to bear.

His skin was the task at hand now. His hands specifically actually. His desperate attempts to get at his blood for the walls and floor had left him with cuts and bites over his fingers and wrists. It didn’t take much more work to join up, carve through and around the marks. Turning them into more runes and sigils. He pushed soot from the guttering torch into the cuts. Yet more homemade tattoos.

A bark of laughter, bitter and cold, pulled loose from his chest. He hadn’t made tattoos from scratch in years. There had been muggle tattooists, starting all those years ago in Camden market. A few years ago, a magical tattoo shop had opened in Diagon Alley, though sometimes he preferred muggles still. He didn’t like the tattooist knowing what they were for.

He ran his fingers, calloused from the stone walls and floor, over the raised marks on his neck. He could feel them well enough to know their shape. Not that he remembered anyone telling him his prison number. _Peorð_ ¸ the dice cup, mead cup, vulva. Its kenning long forgotten by muggles and wizard kind alike, one of Sirius’ favourites, For its mystery and hedonistic leanings. _Algiz_ , he knew of old, a warrior rune, a protection rune. He was amused to find that branded to his skin. And then the numbers three, nine, zero. The 390th prisoner he had to assume. Three and nine were magically powerful too.

He sighed and leant back against the hard metal of his cot. Everything was exhausting now. Dimly he wondered how long he had left. Before madness overtook him completely and he went silent like the rest. He would starve to death, most likely, staring at a wall until his body broke down.

‘I am innocent.’ He tried to say it aloud, but his voice was cracked and hoarse. ‘I didn’t _fucking_ do it.’

‘Je suis innocent.’

Ah, a new game. Something to make him think.

‘Ego innocents.’

He grinned stubbornly into the dank cell. Alright. How many languages did he speak?

* * *

It was dark when Remus woke. The wolf leaping immediately forward in the unrecognised space, the smell of home and pack overwritten by the Aurors who had stomped through his place.

Then his eyes locked on the flash of warm red hair on the sofa and Remus managed to draw a shaky breath as the day’s events flooded back.

He pushed himself up, ignoring the crampy feeling of his stomach complaining.

He lit the fire, a quick flick of his wrist and the wood was laid and crackling away merrily. Grabbing the floo powder, he murmured ‘St. Mungo’s, curse wing’ and stuck his head in.

It took a few minutes of calling for a healer in purple robes he didn’t know to appear in the staff room.

‘Hello? Oh, it’s Mister...?’

‘Lupin, Remus Lupin.’

‘Yes, of course. You are the gentleman with the Potters?’

Remus felt a shade of relief he didn’t have to explain himself, ‘Yes. I’ve got Lily with me now.’

‘Oh, thank goodness. We have been so worried since she discharged herself. Is she alright?’

Remus glanced behind him, watching the stead rise and fall of her ribs with her breath, ‘Yes, she’s fine. A little tired.’

‘That’s too be expected. I don’t suppose you could convince her to come back.’

‘As a patient, I doubt it.’ Remus smiled and the man grinned back.

‘No, didn’t think so. So, what can I help with?’

Remus cleared his throat, ‘I just wanted to check on James.’

‘Ah. You know we can’t really give out patient details via floo…’

Remus waited.

‘Well, I suppose it wouldn’t hurt to tell you he woke briefly about two hours ago. The sedation is out of his system, but he really isn’t up to much yet.’

Remus felt a notch of tension drop from his shoulders, ‘Oh thank Merlin. Right, I’ll tell Lily and try to get her back to you as soon as I –’

‘You’ll do no such bloody thing, Remus John Lupin.’ A tired voice threatened from behind him.

He nodded to the healer, ‘Thanks again.’

‘Think nothing of it.’

Remus pulled his head back out of the fireplace and turned to see Lily sitting up and rubbing her eyes.

‘What were you up to Remus?’

‘Checking on James. He’s fine, the sedation is out of his system but he’s going to be groggy for a while.’

She nodded, ‘Good. Not… you know, good he’s not sedated.’

Remus smiled, ‘I know. Are you hungry?’

Her eyes widened, ‘Ravenous. I’m guessing there is nothing in?’

He rolled his eyes, ‘Even if he had been here at any point in the last four months, there wouldn’t be.’

‘We’ll have to then.’ There was enough mischief in Lily’s eyes to make Remus question why she hadn’t been a Marauder from the beginning.

Remus got to his feet, ‘I’ll go see Mrs. Cheng, the restaurant is probably still open.’ He squinted at the window to try and gage just how late it is.

‘If it’s not, we could always go down to Gerrard Street…’ Remus was certain James had never looked that damn cheeky.

‘I will not.’

She laughed and Remus felt like his heart was breaking. He was on his knees by the sofa before he knew what he was doing. He wrapped her tightly into his arms, careful not to jostle the still sleeping toddler on the sofa next to her.

Lily buried her face in Remus’ neck, her hands gripping his t-shirt, ‘It’s alright Remus. I promise.’

He took a shuddering breath, and nodded, letting her go and standing fluidly. ‘Fine. If downstairs is shut, I will _consider_ Lee Ho Fook’s. But only because it is for you and Harry, and you cannot tell James.’

Lily smiled, ‘Sure thing. You go, I’ll do some tidying.’

Remus went back to the mantlepiece, ‘You didn’t see me do this.’

He tapped the intricate Victorian carving with his wand, muttering the counter spells and unlocking charms, there were layers upon layers of spells here. He was surprised to find he still knew them all and tried to ignore the pang in his chest at the feeling of Sirius’ magic swirling around his wand and hand.

The secret panel clicked and swung open, and Remus pulled out an envelope of muggle cash and a wand box. The box he passed to Lily, ‘Erm, it won’t like you. Probably. But it’s something until we can get yours back. Sorry.’

Lily took the box and opened it. Then dropped it onto the coffee table with a look of disgust, ‘Who’s wand is that Remus?’

He could feel the chill from where he stood, even with the merry fire behind him, ‘It’s Orion’s. Sirius inherited it, much to Walburga’s absolute horror. It answers to him, which he also hates.’

Lily extended a hand over the deceptively warm looking wood, ‘It’s cherry isn’t it?’

He nodded, ‘Dragon heartstring too.’

‘Great.’

She picked it up and swallowed. ‘I’ll be careful.’

Remus gave her a tight smile and grabbed his coat, heading out of the flat.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Back To Hogwarts Day!  
> I hope you all made it on to the train, enjoy this chapter to read on the journey.

Chapter Seven

‘Level Two, Department of Magical Law Enforcement, including Improper Use of Magic Office…’ The voice in the lift drifted out after them as Lily strode off down the hallway. Harry was still glued to her hip, Orion’s wand in her other hand she stormed in to the Auror Headquarters. Remus lengthened his stride to keep up.

‘Who the _fuck_ – Lily?’

Gideon Prewett had leapt up from his cubicle, wand drawn, as Lily had shoved the double doors open.

She whirled on him, red curls and floor length green velvet coat – Remus had found it in the back of Sirius’ wardrobe, it had been Marlene’s borrowed for Hallowe’en and never returned – flaring around her. She raised the wand, ‘Gideon.’

‘How are you?’ He asked casually, as though they were not pointing weapons at each other.

‘Me? Fine and dandy. Where’s Moody?’

Gideon sighed, ‘Lily, can you lower the wand. Please.’ It did not really sound like a question to Remus, who was on edge enough. His hand itched to draw his own wand, stopping himself to avoid making matters worse.

She took a deep breath, and then another. Then Orion’s wand lowered. Lily did not put it away though.

‘Thanks. Moody isn’t here, can I help?’ He glanced over his shoulder and called, ‘Fabs? Bring tea.’ He smiled at Remus and Lily, ‘It’s just the two of us in the office today. Will you come and sit down?’

Remus put a hand on Lily’s shoulder, he could almost feel her vibrating. Twelve hours sleep, more Chinese food than was decent and a wand in her hand seemed to have galvanised her. Was that the wolf still growling in his chest or was that just him now, angry and protective. Remus was afraid Lily would burn up right in front of him.

She gave a tight nod and Gideon pulled two chairs over next to his desk – avoiding waving his wand around the volatile Lily – and they sat. Remus was immediately jealous of Lily having Harry on her lap. Having something to hold. Remus twisted his fingers in the hem of his jumper and fought the urge to pace. Now they were in the heart of the Ministry he could not stand the waiting. Not that he was letting himself think past each moment in sequence, it made the space between his ribs burn, anxiety and fear and … love... He tried to push it all away and focus.

‘So, how are you? All of you?’ Gideon said calmly, taking in Remus’ fidgeting and Harry’s wide eyes and hippogriff patterned jumper.

Lily rolled her eyes, ‘We’re alive Gideon, Harry’s back with me. James –‘ Her voice caught in her throat for a heartbeat, but she forced her way on, ‘James is still at St. Mungo’s. They tell me he should wake up properly any day now.’

She was interrupted by a shocked yell and thudding feet before Fabian threw himself at Lily from across the room. Or tried to.

Remus did not remember deciding to react, in fact it was probably the wolf’s doing, not his. But fast as blinking, Fabian was on the floor with Remus leaning on his throat. By the time Remus realised what had happened, Harry was making a tiny keening sound, Gideon’s wand was at his temple and, from the strain in Lily’s voice, hers was on Gideon.

‘Fabian, are you alright?’

‘Yeah, absolutely.’ Fabian held Remus’ gaze. He knew, Remus remembered, from the Order. ‘Sorry I startled you Remus.’

Lily sounded firmer now, ‘Great, lovely to see you. Gideon, I’m going to put my wand down, and so are you and Remus is going to stand up and get off Fabian. We’re all going to do it at the same time, then you two are going to listen to us. And once this is all done, I’m inviting you idiots to ours for dinner. Right. One, two, three…’

They all moved carefully.

Once they had been really close with the Prewett twins. Now the war had changed them, all of them.

Remus dropped back down into the chair and Lily sat next to him, ‘Sorry Fabs, I’m a bit on edge.’ He apologised.

Fabian shook his head, ‘No, that was on me. I’m just so please to see you Lils.’ He grinned, blushing under his freckles. ‘I’ll go get more tea, and a biscuit for Harry?’

‘Thanks love.’ She grinned as he slouched back towards the staff kitchen.

Gideon frowned, ‘Once what is all done?’

Lily’s expression hardened again, ‘Once we get Sirius out of Azkaban.’

‘Merlin. You can’t be serious? Lily, I know you like to take your own justice, but this isn’t Hogwarts, or the Ord – ‘

‘Gideon Charlus Prewett.’ Lily’s tone was ice, ‘Sirius. Was. Not. Our bloody. _Secret Keeper_!’ She looked like she wanted to hex him and was only distracted by the tiny mewl of sadness Harry made. She bent down to him, ‘I’m so sorry love, Mummy didn’t mean to be scary.’

Remus took over the story, as Gideon frowned and Fabian came back to lean on the arm of his brother’s chair, ‘Sirius insisted Lily and James swap to Peter. Because everyone would assume it _was_ Sirius, so no one would go after Peter and they would all be safe. Sirius was supposed to check on Peter on Hallowe’en…’

He was very quietly interrupted by the first words he had heard Harry say all day, ‘Ee-us. Ad-oot.’

Remus shut his eyes against the heartache and forced himself to continue, ‘Whatever he found at Peter’s sent him straight to Godric’s Hollow, I would assume an empty flat given how confused he was at the sentencing about Peter. Peter must have gone to Voldemort with the information as soon as his cowardly arse could. He must have been spying on the Order for months.’

Fabian nodded slowly, ‘We knew there was a spy. But why didn’t you know any of this at the time Remus?’

Lily put a hand gently on Remus’ left arm, ‘Sirius was worried Remus was the spy. We weren’t sure, so we didn’t tell anyone, not even Dumbledore.’

‘I was working with the werewolves, trying to bring them round to our side.’ Remus continued, ‘Sirius didn’t hurt Peter, he didn’t betray the Order.’ He fought to keep the snarl out of his voice, ‘And he certainly never touched the McKinnons.’

Gideon swore quietly, and Fabian kicked out at the small metal filing cabinet under his brother’s desk. He spoke quietly, but at least had the decency to meet Remus’ eyes, ‘We knew he wasn’t involved in the McKinnons. Gid wanted to give evidence but Mad-Eye said we couldn’t because we didn’t make it to the flat until after James.’

‘Getting him won’t be easy though,’ Gideon’s voice was low, ‘It was open and shut as far as the Wizengamot were concerned. Especially after we searched the flat.’

Remus felt his brow furrow in confusion, ‘What do you mean?’

‘We had to bring in curse-breakers to get in, for a start.’

Lily actually laughed. All three men and Harry stared at her, ‘Of course you did! Sirius is the best curse-breaker this country has ever seen.’

‘Some of the wards on and in that flat are Dark.’

‘Some of the magic on this building is too.’ Remus’ hands balled in frustration, ‘Sirius had to protect that flat from everyone who might ever come and harm us. You have no idea what he has been through and now you’ve thrown him in that fucking – ‘ Remus hadn’t noticed he was yelling until he caught sight of Harry’s pale little face, mouth twisted in distress as he clung to Lily’s arm.

Remus forced himself to take a deep breath, ‘What else?’

‘Well, we couldn’t put our seals over the top once we were done, they just slid off. There were more than a few cursed objects we found – ‘, He held up a hand to stop them interrupting, ‘– But those were obviously from his job. And of course, Albus agreed with Crouch that there wasn’t much point in examining Sirius for a trial.’

‘He did fucking what?’ Lily snarled.

Fabian winced but explained, ‘He said Sirius was an excellent Occlumens, strong enough that he could resist Veritaserum or Imperius if he so wished. That the only alternative would be literal torture to get the truth, but at that stage wouldn’t it just be easier to send him to Azkaban? There was no possible way he was innocent.’

‘Except him screaming it at them during the sentencing.’ Remus muttered mutinously.

Lily had gone very still, ‘Gideon, where is Alastor?’

It was Fabian who spoke, ‘He’s at Azkaban. Interrogating Sirius.’

* * *

The dementors had left. Well, moved away from his cell. Which was fine and normal. A few hours every day where he felt like he could breathe. Except this was not the normal time. The height of the sun told Sirius it was about half past eight. Roughly. The longitude and latitude of Azkaban was not something he knew to the minute and second.

The stomp of Mad-Eye’s wooden leg however, that he knew. He raised his head from his knees and lowered his bare feet to the cell floor. It was not so icy cold today, but he had no real desire to get up off the bed. Once upon a time, the sound of someone he knew, someone who wasn’t a Black anyway, would have given him a flutter of hope. Hope was not something that survived Azkaban.

‘Black.’ Moody growled by way of greeting.

Sirius turned to face him. Taking in the new scars, Moody’s nose had gone, and he dimly wondered which of his fellow inmates had taken it.

‘Alastor. How are you doing?’

Moody stepped closer to the bars, but not so close Sirius could have grabbed him if he chose to stand by the cell door. Sensible.

‘Aye lad, nae bad.’

Sirius raised an eyebrow at the calm, almost friendly tone, ‘I’m not your lad, Moody. That was James.’

Moody glared back at him, ‘Alright, ye want to play this straight then.’

Sirius nodded.

‘Got anything ye might want to tell me Black?’

‘Sure. I’m innocent. Shall we leave?’

Moody’s voice turned harsh again, ‘Tell me where Voldemort is.’

‘Hell. If such a place exists outside this shithole.’

‘Give me names.’

Sirius didn’t even pause, a good memory that hadn’t been lost yet, ‘Elvendork. It’s unisex.’

Moody’s wand was in his hand, ‘This doesn’t have to be hard, Black.’

Sirius threw his head back, a bark of laughter ripping at his throat, ‘Ha! Are you going to torture me Mad-Eye? This’ll be fun. I could do with a pick me up.’

The laughter died in his throat as Moody’s spell made him choke on it. Sirius did not have the strength to stay upright, as asphyxiation rushed in.

He gasped a breath, black spots filling his vision. His hands felt grazed where he had fallen to all fours on the floor. He bit down on the inside of his lip, fighting the urge to change into Padfoot.

He pushed back to kneel, but sudden defiance filled him, and he stood. It was shaky and a lot less impressive than he would have liked. He was breathing hard and the cell spun around him, but by Merlin and all the Gods he would not kneel to Mad-Eye fucking Moody.

‘I’m no Death Eater Alastor. You used to be good at telling them apart from real people.’ His voice was hoarse and cracked, but damn, was it filled with Black contempt.

‘You betrayed the Potters, Black. You traitorous bastard.’

Sirius smirked, because if winding Mad-Eye up was all he had, then by all the hells he would do it.

‘My parents were most definitely married by my birth. Much as it pained us all to admit it.’

Defiance. He had missed this feeling. The coursing hot and cold of righteous anger that flooded his veins. The tingle around his fingers and arms that once screamed with wild, untamed magic, now a gentle glow more than a raging fire. But it was his, and no one could break him. Not since he was a boy, and certainly not this _fucking_ place, or that _fucking bloody Auror!_

Moody smiled then, and Sirius felt the warning of it, but he could not stand down now. His pride would not allow the mere thought of it.

‘Ye’re doing remarkably well in here Black.’

Sirius tossed his head, nearly loosing his footing in the spinning, ‘What of it?’

‘A man might wonder if the Dark Lord taught ye a trick or three. Ye being his right-hand man.’

Sirius sneered then ‘If I were that cunt’s right-hand man, I wouldn’t still be standing here, would I?’

‘Maybe I should tell the guards to double there watch on ye. Clearly ye need more attention.’

It was almost paralysing, the ice that swept through him. ‘No.’ His voice was shaky and for a moment he didn’t care. The thought of more of them, longer watches…

‘Then give me what I need.’

‘I don’t know anything!’ Sirius tried to fight the desperation in his voice, but he could see on Moody’s face it was not working, ‘I’ve been in here for months, how could I?’

‘Oh, so ye admit it then. That we were in contact with them before?’

‘NO! Merlin’s teeth Mad-Eye. I am not, nor ever have been one of _his_ bootlicking pyschos. You know that. You know me!’ Sirius ground his teeth against the pleading, the desire to beg.

‘Ye were. There’s no other way – ‘

‘Yes! Yes, there is. Peter was the Potters’ secret keeper. For Merlin’s sake listen to me Moody.’

Moody shook his head, ‘I had to clean up yer mess Black. The biggest part of the poor lad left was his finger.’ The look he gave Sirius was of utter contempt, ‘I’ll come back in a few more months. See if ye’ve enjoyed the extra attention. Ye always did.’

He started to stomp away.

Sirius threw himself at the bars, ‘Mad-Eye! I am innocent, it wasn’t me! Just ask Lily and James, just…’ The coldness swept in. Three dementors swooped down towards him.

In his haste to get away from their clammy, dead hands, Sirius threw himself backwards. Head hitting stone, and the world went dark.

* * *

They had mugs of tea now, and Fabian had rustled up some bacon sandwiches as a sort of brunch. Spread across his and Gideon’s desks, magicked together, were the transcripts, documents and evidence used to convict Sirius.

Lily sighed, ‘Can we do anything about the McKinnons?’

‘No.’ Fabian shook his head, ‘Pettigrew’s muggle neighbours said they heard him shouting at Blac-Sirius right before they called the police. They similarity of the two scenes is damning enough at it is. And not a one of us Aurors or Order can argue because he definitely was up the stairs at Marlene’s first.’

Remus shook his head, ‘Sirius loved Marlene. She was the first person he came out to, did you know that?’

Lily smiled and squeezed his hand, pushing down the waves of anger at herself for letting their doubts get the better of them, ‘I did. She told me after that night we all thought they had slept together.’

A ghost of a smile crossed the werewolf’s face, ‘James will be furious. You knew before we did then.’

 _His_ name was like a vice around her heart, ‘He will. We’ll tell him once we’re all back together.’

Gideon rubbed his face, ‘Alright. The first bit of good news is that we don’t have to convince Barty. Amelia Bones is head of the Department now.’

‘Yes,’ Lily fixed him with her bright green eyes, ‘Except to overturn the Wizengamot sentencing we need to convince them. And seeing as Dumbledore didn’t feel like Sirius deserved a trial to begin with, I don’t know how we convince him now.’

‘You can testify Lily.’ Fabian said firmly, ‘And we can go to Dumbledore to get him on our side.’

Remus sighed, ‘This is where we need him.’ He caught Lily’s gaze and the pain she was there made her want to throw her arms around him. She restrained herself to squeezing his hand again. Remus looked up at the others, ‘He always knew the politics of a situation. You two are Purebloods, can you think of anyone who might help?’

Gideon frowned, ‘Orion was probably the best bet. Everybody knows about Mrs. Black and Sirius, I don’t think she would help him if her life depended on it.’

‘Well Orion died without having spoken to Sirius in four years, so I doubt he would have been of much help. What about your… aunt?’ Remus leant in to question them.

‘Lucretia? Yeah maybe…’ Gideon broke off as Alastor Moody stomped through the door. ‘All right Alastor?’

Moody looked up and went still, ‘Mrs Potter?’

Lily’s blood was starting to boil, and she forced herself to speak calmly, ‘Good morning Mad-Eye, and since when was I Mrs Potter?’

His face relaxed slightly, ‘Lily lass, how are ye?’

‘Sick of being asked. Where is Harry’s godfather?’

‘Rotting in Azkaban. Ye’ve nothin’ to fear.’

Remus leapt up, ‘He’s innocent Moody. That’s why we are here.’ He was practically snarling, and Lily had to fight not to flinch. Remus was thin and haunted looking, and the strain was beginning to show.

‘Well, ye’ll no mind being inspected for _confundus_ and _imperius_ curses then?’

‘How dare you?’ Lily stood, slowly, venom flooding into her voice now, ‘My family has been torn apart, nearly murdered and faced down Voldemort for the fourth time. My son has been taken from our family, neglected and abused.’ Remus’ hand snuck into hers, and she laced her fingers with his and squeezed, ‘My brother-in-law is being tortured, not just in that hell, but apparently by you too. We have not been corrupted, interfered with or controlled. We are not confounded, under anyone’s influence or spell. I will have Sirius back, and then I will take my son, my husband and Remus home. And so help me Moody, if you stand in my way you will regret it.’

She took a deep breath, ‘Now, go and contact Albus. We are going to need him.’


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, just a quick heads up, we're in Azkaban throughout today. It's a bit grim, but I promise we'll see some light soon.

Chapter Eight

It was Gideon's plan. Decided after Moody had stomped off to contact Dumbledore, in harsh whispers between their four bowed heads.

_'If we want Sirius to have a fair trial, he needs to be capable of testifying. Calmly. We can move him, out on license as it were. Fab, you take Remus and go. Lily and I will go to St. Mungo's and wait for Dumbledore there.'_

Lily had frowned and Remus had kicked himself. James, unconscious and unaware was completely unprotected. Gideon had helped train James as an Auror, it was appropriate he went with Lily. But when they had parted ways in the Ministry entrance hall, Remus had pulled her tightly into his arms.

'Be safe, apparate away at the first sign of anything.' He had murmured in her ear. Expecting Lily to laugh and push him away as she always did when the wolf forced its possessive nature on them, he was surprised when her free arm snaked around his back and her fingers buried into his jumper.

'You too, take care. I'll see you soon.'

And then he had been whipped away on side-along with Fabian. Remus had never been to Azkaban before, and he staggered as they landed on the sharp grey rocks at the base of the fortress.

Above them, the towering cliff face gave way to the cracked and tumbled stone of the ancient fortress. The North Sea wind whipped at Fabian's robes and Remus' hair, hunting for the tiniest gaps in their clothes and freezing the skin underneath. It was nothing compared to the bone cold dread that swept over them, raining down despair from the prison above. Remus rummaged in the pocket of his cord jacket, pulling out a small bar of Dairy Milk. He broke off a square and popped it into his mouth before offering another to Fabian.

The Auror grinned, 'You do come prepared.'

Remus smiled back, half-heartedly, 'My father works with Magical Creatures, I know the drill.' He did not mention that he kept it on him always.

'Alright, so this is the only place we can apparate from. They don't like Patronuses in there either, sorry.' He glanced at Remus, and Remus could see the worry in his eyes.

'I'll be fine. Go on.'

'There's an office with wizarding workers on the ground floor.' Fabian pointed up the rough-hewn steps ahead of them, 'We'll go there, fill in the paperwork and then go get him. They'll want to know things like where he will be held, who with, all that kind of thing. It's to do with the licence he'll be let out on.'

Remus nodded again, he would do that. Whatever it took, even if that meant having his name in this place.

'He's in maximum security, right up at the top. We have to walk up.' Fabian took a breath, 'It's going to be awful.'

'Let's get started then. The quicker we get out of here the better.'

Fabian looked like he wanted to say more, so Remus started up the steps first. He did not want to talk. He kept his eyes fixed on each step, as he had done since Lily had woken up. He knew he was putting off considering what they might find, what would be left of the man he… His mind seemed to skim around _his_ name, _his_ face, the fact they hadn't seen each other since the June before.

The office had a farm door, split in the middle and when Fabian knocked the top part was swung back, revealing a little room with a big wood burning stove. A grey faced witch peered out at them, 'I.D.?'

Fabian pulled out his MLE department warrant card, 'Auror Fabian Prewett, plus visitor. Here to take a prisoner out on licence.'

'Aye.' She pushed a clipboard and quill towards him, 'Prisoner name, your staff number, witness name and location of transfer all on here.'

Fabian started scrawling the details into the correct boxes on the form, 'What's the address Remus?'

He'd thought about this the whole climb, 'Rowan Cottage, Llanddeusant, Carmarthenshire.'

Fabian blinked, 'Um, how do you spell… Shandish-what?'

'With two ells and two dees.' He plucked the quill from Fabian's fingers and wrote the Welsh word, and then for good measure and Welsh pride followed it with, _Sir Gaerfyrddin, Cymru_. He gave the quill back to a grinning Fabian, who had just enough Welsh to recognise Cymru.

The duty-witch frowned down at the clipboard as they handed it back, 'Where's that then?'

Remus adopted the haughty tones he heard from Purebloods all the time, one Pureblood in particular, 'The home of a Ministry official.'

He turned to Fabian, 'Lead on.'

They started up the stairs, winding spiral ones that felt too narrow, and Remus was careful not to let his jumper scrape the dank walls. They had not gone far when he realised the witch wasn't following them.

'Fabian? Why are they not escorting us?'

Fabian gave a mirthless laugh, 'They aren't paid enough for that. The Dementors run this place, we just like to pretend the Ministry supervises them.'

The next round of stairs the temperature plummeted, and inside Remus' head, the howling started.

Remus' worst memories almost entirely belonged to the wolf or were attached to the wolf. He winced as pain shot through his side, a phantom memory of Greyback's first bite. Remus took a deep breath, and for once he did not fight the pacing, angry _thing_ that lived inside him.

The hair on every part of his body stood on end, and he rolled his neck as Fabian lead them up another floor. Fabian's tread was heavier now, as the noises of the prisoners started to reach them. Inside the protective rage of the wolf, Remus still felt the nausea rising with the sound of tens of people screaming against the dark that lived within them.

By the fourth floor Fabian looked pale when he turned to Remus, 'We have to go across and up a different tower. Sorry.'

Remus shook his head, 'No. It's fine. We need to get to him.'

Fabian swallowed, 'It's the floor above, it's just there will be a lot of Dementors.'

Remus' nose informed him Fabian was nervous. Cold assessment reminded him the Prewetts were only a few years older than the Marauders. Fabian had been an Auror right out of Hogwarts, the same as James. But he was quieter than Gideon, excellent in a fight, wide eyed afterwards no matter how many times it happened. The wolf huffed. Fabian was not his to protect, and he had bigger concerns.

Remus took a deep breath, 'It's alright.'

Fabian nodded, 'Yeah. Come on.'

He squared his shoulders and they set off through the door.

The smell was bad. The wave of cold and fear was awful.

Cells lined both sides of the corridor, but not all were occupied. The occupied ones were easy to spot, each had a Dementor standing outside the bars, exuding cold terror through out the cell block.

'They guard them all the time?'

Fabian glanced back at him, still striding forward as quickly as possible, 'Yeah. With a break here or there.'

Remus' blood ran cold. Somewhere in this hell, Sirius, _his Sirius_ , had been locked in one of these stinking holes constantly guarded feet away by the most awful creatures he could imagine. For one moment, Remus hated Dementors more than he had ever hated anything, Greyback and lycanthropy included.

He lengthened his stride to catch up with Fabian. By the time they stepped out onto the High Security Floor, Remus was fighting the urge to run.

This floor was different from the one below, the corridor was not straight through, but twisted and turned. Each cell had two Dementors outside, but their prisoners were quieter here. Except one. Bellatrix threw herself at the bars as they passed by, mad cackles running together into an almost scream. She had always had the spark of Black madness about her, but Remus saw nothing sane in her eyes now. Certainly, nothing that suggested she knew who he was, or even where they were. The Dementors did not react.

Sirius' cell was right in the centre. Even through the shit, and muck and Merlin knew what else, the scent that was unmistakeable filtered through to Remus. _Sirius_. Leather and spice wood and magic all rolled into one.

They rounded the corner, and Remus strode forward, stopping only when the metal bars stood between him and the man he loved.

He was dimly aware that Fabian was speaking authoritatively to the Dementors on either side of him, unable to make out the words through the pounding of his heart in his ears. He barely noticed as they moved away, and Fabian reached out to open the cell door.

Remus threw an arm out to stop him, 'Wait.'

Fabian frowned, 'What? We need to move Lupin.'

He shook his head, moving his hand to point, taking in the walls and floor, 'Look.'

The more he looked, the more there was to see. Everywhere, every surface, was marked. The runes, glyphs and sigils were scrawled in blood and soot. How he had managed to get charcoal from the torches, Remus had no idea. They were clearly the magical sort that would not go out no matter what.

'Bloody hell.' Fabian muttered, 'It's like his flat.'

Remus shook his head, 'No, it's like his tattoos.'

Remus was not looking at the marks anymore though. His eyes were locked on the figure curled up on the iron cot against the wall. Bare feet blackened with he did not want to think what, was all he could see of Sirius' body. A scrap of filthy blanket covered the rest of him, his face pressed against the wall at the far end as he curled in on himself.

Rage burned and the wolf threw itself at the cage of Remus' ribs and mind. These past years living with other werewolves had loosened his control on his temper and here in this place it was dangling by a thread. He had to be careful. He couldn't – _mustn't_ – tear the whole place down. They were here to rescue Sirius. Sirius was all that mattered.

He took as deeper breath of the foul air as he dared and pushed the cell door open.

Sirius flinched, but did not turn.

There was magic in his wards, how he had managed that in this hellscape Remus had no idea, but he felt it prickling around him. At Hogwarts they had all learnt just how volatile and unpredictable Sirius' magic could be, matching his hot-blooded nature. Nothing he had made to protect them had ever hurt anyone in Sirius' adopted family – the Marauders and Lily, now Harry too. But this… Remus stepped carefully over something that looked remarkably like a curse trap, this did not resemble Sirius' neat and flowing rune craft. These marks were ragged, as though he had torn them from himself and the stone. They were unsafe, unsound.

'Be careful.' Fabian hissed, 'That looks – '

The distraction threw Remus off, his foot glanced too close to a bind rune he could not begin to read and pain like fire drew a line up his calf. He bit through his lip as he quelled the urge to yell and up away. Not taking his eyes from the dangerously still form of Sirius Black, he flung a hand out, fingers splayed at Fabian, 'Shut the fuck up.' His voice was low and harsh, and in that moment, he couldn't give a shit.

Next to the cot, the smell of the cell, and unfortunately Sirius, was nearly overpowering. He obviously hadn't been given clean clothes or water to bathe in for months.

Remus fought the desire to touch him, to hold him, and to run all at the same time, there was no time for that now.

'Sirius?'

Nothing.

'Sirius. It's me.'

'Ha.' Sirius' voice sounded like shredding paper, 'Piss off. Not at home to hallucinations.'

Remus squeezed his eyes shut, not certain if he wanted to cry or shake him, 'Get up. We are leaving.'

'Most sensible thing you've said all month.' Sirius still did not move.

Remus took a step closer to the head end. There was blood. He could smell it everywhere, dried and old on the walls and floor and on Sirius. But he could see and smell the fresh red ooze in the matted black hair, and on the small patch of Sirius' pale cheek that was visible from this angle. A head wound, that might explain his insistence that Remus did not exist.

A wave of nausea and despair passed through him, and a Dementor floated by outside. The head wound probably was not the only reason.

Remus took as deeper breath as he was willing and grasped Sirius' shoulder, roughly turning him onto his back, 'Do I look like a fucking hallucination to you?'

Sirius opened his eyes, pupils blown from concussion, 'No.' He rasped. 'Polyjuice Moody?'

Remus tightened his grip, trying not to thing about how the bones in Sirius' once strong shoulder seemed to grind together, and pulled him up to sit.

'I, Remus John 'Moony' Lupin, am here. Truly and really.'

Sirius frowned, brows furrowing over clouded silver eyes, 'Could be a trick, or mad.' He murmured.

'Padfoot.' Remus forced the slight smile, 'You bought me my first cock ring for my sixteenth birthday.'

Recognition cleared a path through Sirius' gaze in an instant. It had not been their security phrase. Remus had in fact never knowingly mentioned that particular moment in their history out loud since the event.

'Rem.' Every word sounded like another rip was being added to Sirius' throat and Remus' heart tore with it, 'Rem, it was him. Peter. You have to find him, whatever is happening he'll know.' He stopped, drawn up short by a hacking cough, it sounded wet and dangerous.

'I know, Pads I know.' He crouched now, both hands of Sirius' shoulders now, 'It's alright. We are getting you out of here.'

For the first time, Sirius' eyes left Remus. He looked over Remus' head and took in Fabian in the doorway. Remus felt the tremor that passed through Sirius body.

'Are they killing me?' He croaked.

'What? No! Why would they –'

'It's alright. Better than this… place.'

Remus felt his heart snap in two. Caution was thrown to the four winds and he pulled Sirius against his chest, arms pinning the fragile body to him. His right hand cupping the back of Sirius' head and he ignored the way Sirius went completely still, or the strange shift in the magic under Sirius' robes that flared and fought even though the man himself couldn't anymore.

'You absolute cunt, Padfoot. I'm taking you home. Now.'

He stood, pulling Sirius' unresisting form with him. Something seemed to snap in the air around them and the magic in Sirius' cell flared and vanished. Like he had been holding on for this moment and now it could finally stop. Sirius staggered against Remus, but he kept him locked against his side and upright. As they stepped across the threshold Sirius tried to pull back, the Dementors were floating mere feet away.

Fabian stepped forward, putting himself between Sirius and the monsters.

'Can you manage him?'

Remus nodded, Sirius have never really been bulky enough that Remus couldn't move him with werewolf strength, but he reckoned even Lily could have lifted him now. 'It's fine.'

They were most of their way back to the stairs down when Sirius jolted loose of Remus' grip and shot between two towering Dementors, ignoring their cold dead hands that reached for him.

The prisoner in this cell was curled into the furthest corner. Remus hadn't even spared them a glance. Sirius was straining to reach the bars and Remus had to yank him back from the guards.

'Regulus.' Sirius croaked, 'Reg?'

There was nothing, no reaction. Remus pulled Sirius away, feeling the stubborn hardening of his heart that always came from any mention of the Blacks in general. 'Come. Away, Sirius.'

Sirius managed to drag his eyes back to Remus, the unsettling mania in them clearing infinitesimally as they locked together and Remus curled his fingers tightly around Sirius' wrist and waist, 'We are going.'

If his heart hadn't already been smashed into pieces, the docile way Sirius came to heel and let Remus lead him through the door and down the stairs would have done it. He didn't react when Sirius buried his face in Remus' shoulder on the floor below, hiding from the sight of the other prisoners, the Dementors. Hiding his tremors and the way his legs were giving out under him.

Remus was holding up almost all of Sirius' insubstantial weight by the time they were back at the office. He left Fabian to check them out and continued out, stopping only to scoop Sirius into his arms once they were in the fresh air. As they went down the steps cut into the rough rock, Sirius' eyes clouded again and then shut, his face turned away from Remus.

They waited at the apparation point for Fabian. Remus didn't trust himself to speak, and instead fixed his eyes on the white horses racing towards the rocks and dashing against the stone beneath them. He wanted to go, now, and run. Never let the Ministry anywhere near Sirius again, but they had to do it right. He knew it.

A tiny sound caught his attention, just under the sounds of waves. Sirius was humming. The words of the song came back to Remus all in a rush.

' _Oberon and Titania watched by a harridan_

_Mab is the queen and there's a good apothecary-man_

_Come to say hello_

_Fairy dandy tickling the fancy of his lady friend_

_The nymph in yellow_

_What a quaere fellow_

_The ostler stares with hands on his knees_

_Come on mister feller, crack it open if you please_ '

Remus lowered his face to Sirius' hair and planted a single kiss on his temple, feeling the tears start to fall.

He only looked up at the sound of Fabian's approach, giving him a nod before they spun on the spot. Running away home, to Wales.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, we got him out! Yay? And off to Wales to see what is left off him I promise we will catch up with Lily & Harry next time.  
> Sirius' song is The Fairy Feller's Master-Stroke by Queen. It first appeared on Side Black of the album Queen II, and was inspired by the Richard Dadd painting of the same name. The painting was made during Dadd's incarceration in State Criminal Lunatic Asylum of Bethlem Royal Hospital, London. As always, thank you so much for reading, following & reviewing, it means so much to me! Take care, stay safe, wear your masks.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter Nine

‘ _A ghaoil_ ,’ Lyall Lupin murmured, eyes roving over Remus, and the broken form of Sirius in his arms, ‘Bring him in.’

The grey stone cottage was just as Remus remembered, and he stooped under the lintel and turned right into the lounge. The rug that covered the stone floor was more worn that it had been the last time he had visited, after Hope’s wake. His father looked worn as well, as though he too were fraying at the edges since his wife’s death.

Fabian ducked in behind him, but Remus heard his footsteps faulter and stop in the hall behind him. He didn’t need to look to know Lyall had pulled his wand, hearing his soft Gaelic accent harden, the Scots he spoke rougher in concern.

‘And who are ye?’

Remus barely registered switching to Welsh, ‘ _Arhoswch, Tad_.’ He shook his head and turned, Sirius still held tight against him, ‘Stop, it’s fine.’ He said again in English, ‘This is Fabian Prewett. He’s with me.’

Lyall took a steading breath and lowered, but did not put away, his wand.

He sighed, ‘You can put him on the sofa, Remus-lad.’

Remus shook his head, ‘He’s filthy…’

That made his father’s lip twitch, ‘When is he anything else?’

Sirius had not been conscious after they apparated, and Remus felt slightly less bad about gently lowering him to the well-worn sofa. He straightened, dragging his eyes away from the terrifying thinness and the grime coating Sirius’ skin.

Fabian took the initiative, ‘I’ll put the kettle on? Kitchen is this way, right?’ And he stomped off in his dragonhide boots towards the back of the house.

Lyall took in his son, even now Remus felt like Lyall could see straight through him. From the way his hands were balled at his side, to the slight turn of his body, protective over Sirius’ unconscious form.

‘I’ve not got much, but I reckon I can scrape some galleons, pounds and francs together and a portkey. Get you out to wherever you want to go.’

The warm rush of love that belted through Remus’ chest was like ecstasy. He actually laughed, though he couldn’t remember the last time he had, and the surprised look on his father’s face made it worse. He had to fight for air and not to just collapse with it on the carpet.

He crossed the small room in two steps and flung his arms around his dad. They were about the same height, and it was less than a second before Lyall was hugging him back hard.

‘It’s okay. We didn’t stage a prison break.’

Lyall was laughing too then, he let go of Remus and held him at arm’s length, ‘Thank Rowena!’

His father’s gaze drifted back to Sirius. ‘He’s been in Azkaban this whole time?’

Remus nodded, his voice cracked as he spoke, ‘It wasn’t him. It was Peter. We need Sirius to testify, and he couldn’t… not straight from that place. Dadi…’ He shook his head, the childish name bubbling out as the memory of the place filled him, ‘It’s beyond words.’

‘Aye, I know that well enough.’

Remus frowned, ‘You’ve been there?’

‘Oh aye. For research on the bloody things.’ His father sat in his patchy armchair, and Remus folded onto the floor next to the sofa. It was his favourite spot next to the fireplace at the best of times, but he couldn’t bear to be further than necessary from Sirius.

‘I reckon he’s quite effected by them at the best of times?’

Remus nodded, ‘Yes. For all the reasons you can think.’ He pulled his knees up to his chest and wrapped his arms around them, ‘We needed somewhere to put on record as taking him. I thought, what with it being your job… well and the Aurors weren’t happy about his flat.’

Fabian appeared then, carrying the tea tray. He had found a packed of bourbons and put them on a plate. He had even brought a fourth cup, just in case.

‘I’ll say. Me and Gid – my brother, Mr. Lupin – were there. Sirius’ knows his wards.’

Lyall smirked, ‘Wouldn’t expect any less of him. But aye, if the Ministry ask, I can produce all manner of paperwork to prove he’s safe here.’

‘Ta Tad.’

He shook his head, ‘Well, you’d better tell me all of it.’

It took about an hour. By then end Lyall was pacing the rug, his famous temper loosened.

‘I’ve a fucking mind to have words with Albus, what’s the old cunt thinking?’

Fabian flinched, but Remus just grinned, ‘Da spent quite some time in Glasgow, it’s a term of affection there.’

Lyall pushed a hand through his greying hair, a gesture Remus’ knew he had inherited, ‘So, the most important thing here is Sirius, isn’t that right lad?’

He was looking over Remus’ shoulder, but Remus jumped all the same as the croaked voice from behind him.

‘Can’t say I know what the fuss is about myself, _fy annwyl_ Lyall.’

Remus spun on the spot. Sirius’ eyes were cracked open slightly, still a little glazed.

‘ _Fy annwyl_?! When did your Welsh get good enough to ‘my dear Lyall’ anything?’

Sirius cracked a grin, ‘Your mum taught me.’

Remus squeezed his eyes shut for a moment, leaning forward so his head butted against Sirius’ forehead. _You utter fucking eejit_.

Sirius’ hand brushed his shoulder, and Remus could hear in his breathing how much the movement cost him. He sat back, watching Sirius’ face so carefully, trying to assess what damage had been done.

‘Right, Fabian?’ Lyall sounded business like, ‘Can you nip upstairs and put the shower on? It takes a while to heat up.’

Fabian bounded off, eager to be out of the way of family.

Lyall stood next to his son and crouched down, Remus winced as his knees clicked.

‘How are you doing in there, Sirius?’

Sirius did not look at Remus, his eyes were locked on Lyall’s face, ‘I’ve had better hangovers, to be honest.’

It hurt. But that was why Remus had brought Sirius here above all else. Lyall was an expert in all Magical Creatures, but the Spirit division was his calling. Boggarts, poltergeists. And Dementors. If there was anyone who had any idea how to put Sirius back together, it was his father.

Lyall nodded, ‘We’ll get you through the bathroom, into some clean clothes. That’s a start eh?’

Sirius went to nod, and then winced, ‘Reckon I’ve got concussion.’ He muttered.

‘Aye. We’ll see about that too.’ He used Remus’ shoulder to leaver himself up, ‘Can you stand?’

Sirius gave it a good try, he really did. But Remus saw the blanch and pressed a hand to his shoulder. He tried to ignore the way Sirius flinched. ‘Don’t throw up in my da’s nice lounge. I can help.’

The staircase was too narrow for Remus to carry Sirius in his arms, so in the end Lyall went up backwards, holding Sirius’ arms, and Remus went behind, hands on Sirius’ back to support him. Fabian ducked out of the bathroom into the landing so they could help him in.

Sirius sat on the edge of the bath, swaying slightly and out of breath. He shot a panicked look at Remus, then glanced at Lyall.

Remus felt the tiniest brush like moth wings at the edge of consciousness, **… I can’t…**

It hurt, as much as the flinch downstairs. But Remus could understand it. They had lived together for a year before Remus had truly felt comfortable taking his clothes off in front of Sirius, and scars aside, he had never looked as bad as Sirius did now.

He spoke before Lyall could, ‘Da, can you help Sirius? I’ll dig out some clothes and make up the bed.’

Thankfully Lyall nodded, ‘Of course, you know where everything is.’

* * *

Lyall had vanished the robes before he helped Sirius roll backwards into the bathtub. He had propped him up against the side under the water, rolling up his sleeves to wash Sirius himself.

If he had any shame left, it would have burnt him up as he watched the water run black from his body. But what little he could have felt had left when he had been too weak to let Remus stay, to let Remus help.

Sirius was not entirely sure any of this was actually happening. Not even when Lyall had half carried him into the room he knew so, so well. He managed to towel himself off, and struggle into the clothes left out for him. Remus’ soft flannel pyjama bottoms, and an old t-shirt. His shoulders were, once, broader than Remus’ and he got into trouble for borrowing shirts and jumpers.

He had to swallow a lump the size of Gryffindor tower when he pulled the jumper over his head though. He recognised the blue knit at once, right down to the hole his thumb slid through in the cuff. Hope had knitted it for him, for a birthday. He hadn’t seen it since Remus had… obviously Remus had taken it with him. Remus wore it all the time anyway.

His breath was shaky as he brought his eyes up to Lyall’s face again. The man he had thought of as a father-in-law was watching him carefully. It was almost as though he could hear the screaming in Sirius’ head, see the shadows moving at the edges of his vision. Maybe he could. Or, if he was a hallucination maybe he knew anyway.

‘Hungry?’

Sirius fought the urge to retch, ‘No.’

‘Mmm. You always were as bad as Remus.’

Sirius couldn’t help rolling his eyes. He didn’t speak though, his throat was so raw.

‘You should talk about it.’ Lyall was calm, but firm, ‘I know you won’t want to. But you need to process. We need to see about healing…’ He waved a hand in Sirius’ general direction, and Sirius barked a laugh. He came out as a croak.

‘I don’t like the look of some of those tattoos.’

Sirius felt his lip curl into something between a smirk and a sneer, ‘How they look or what they are?’

‘Both.’ He sighed and leant against Remus’ old desk, ‘Are you hallucinating?’

Sirius considered this, ‘Yes.’

‘Do you know which is hallucination and which isn’t?’

He shook his head and the room spun, ‘Not a clue. Haven’t had anything this nice, or this long before.’

Lyall nodded, ‘Well, you really are in Wales, in my house. Remus and…’ He frowned, ‘Fabian. They brought you here from Azkaban.’

Sirius’ lip twitched, ‘You’d say that if I was mental.’

‘Probably. It will get easier to tell, and the hallucinations will stop.’

‘They will?’

‘They’ll be less vivid. People have survived longer stints in Azkaban, with minimal long term…’ Lyall sighed, ‘Fuck, Sirius I’m so sorry.’

Sirius swallowed, ‘It’s fine. If this –’ He had to clear his throat, ‘If it’s real, thank you. I should be the one apologising.’

The floorboard outside creaked, and they both whipped around to look at it. Sirius nearly toppled off the bed, but then they heard Remus’ muffled curse.

Lyall glanced at Sirius, but he looked away. He couldn’t bear Lyall looking at him for permission. This was all too much.

‘Won’t you come in Remus?’ Lyall called out.

Sirius studied the rug. It was a nice rug, made of all different colours and types of fabric. Hope had bought it from a market, and it had always smelt of joss sticks. And wasn’t as soft on knees and backs as it looked, he thought as memories trickled in – Remus’ hands in his hair, on his mouth, Sirius digging his nails into the rug for purchase swallowing the moans.

He shook his head to try to clear it and the room swam again. He must have swayed because then Remus’ hands were _right there_. On his knee, on his shoulder. Holding him in place.

Sirius tried to grin, but his voice was so rough, and his head was pounding, ‘Alright Lupin?’ Lupin was right, wasn’t it? They were fighting. They broke up. He wasn’t Moony when they were broken up.

Remus’ smiled tightly, ‘Yeah Pads, I’m alright. Let’s get you lying down, and I can have a look at that concussion.’

His hands were firm as he steered Sirius backwards to lie with his head on the pillow. He wanted to fight back, to push Remus away. He didn’t deserve this. But everything hurt and the world would not stop spinning. He could hear Lyall speaking quietly from where he still leant against the desk. _Gàidhlig_ , his scrambled brains provided, Remus’ dad spoke Scottish Gaelic at home. Remus spoke Welsh back, but any ability to follow along had left him. He heard his name a few times and turned his face to the wall as Remus’ waved his wand over Sirius.

‘Oh Pads.’ Remus was so quiet now, Sirius couldn’t look at him. ‘What did you do to your hands?’

Those he could look at. He lifted his left so he could see it, ‘Runes.’ He croaked.

‘What runes?’ Remus was rummaging in the healer’s kit from under the Lupin’s kitchen sink. Sirius new it of old.

‘Bind runes…’ He wasn’t actually certain. They were, well, utterly terrible. But that might just be his vision.

‘I see.’ Remus’ voice was flat. There was silence for a moment, and then he said, ‘Show me the rest.’

Sirius could have argued, could have pointed out Remus had no rights to his body, his skin, anymore. He could have said his head hurt, and the room span when he was upright. But…

Biting back the nausea, the insistent feeling that this was all a hallucination anyway, he pushed himself up. He bit the inside of his cheek so hard he could taste blood, as he managed to rise to kneeling.

The jumper and t-shirt – James’, he now realised, an old Quidditch shirt – came off as one. He could feel his skin pulling over the bones of his ribs as he stretched. He waved a hand towards his legs, but taking off the pyjamas was too much like effort.

Remus said nothing. The moments stretched between them. Had he been even an ounce more well he would have rolled away, said something snappy. Had he done that, Remus’ hand wouldn’t have come to rest just below his diaphragm. Remus wouldn’t be getting onto the bed and wrapping them both in the thick woollen blanket, as he pulled Sirius into his arms.

‘Fuck it.’ Sirius wasn’t sure if he had said it aloud. If this was a hallucination, then there was one thing he needed to do before it inevitably turned dark and bad. He wrapped his arms around Remus. One hand sliding up under his jumper at the back to feel Remus’ skin.

He was warm, the smoothness of his skin broken by the ragged scars Sirius’ knew better than his own. He let his fingers trace them as far under Remus’ clothes as he could reach. It was only when Remus’ arms, wrapped tightly around his bare back and shoulders began to tremor that he froze. It was coming now, whatever awful route this hallucination was going to take.

Nothing happened.

He could feel Remus’ breath on his hair. Remus’ heart racing against his cheek.

He waited.

* * *

He knew he was shaking. Sirius’ hand had frozen on his back, and it was only because he could feel the rise and fall of his shallow breath, he knew Sirius was still alive.

It wasn’t fair, he knew, to be angry with Sirius. He had been when he had finally seen the mess that was his hands. The half-healed teeth marks that spread down his wrists and forearms. They must be where the blood in the cell had come from.

Sirius’ body was… were there even words for this? The tattoos had been growing in number since they first met. He knew the ring on his right thigh, the death run on his left hip, and a handful of others he had arrived at Hogwarts with. The clock they had designed together, the dog made of Viking knotwork on his shoulder blade, these he knew. He had gathered more and more. Though after Remus made him promise in fourth year not to do them himself anymore, they had all been professional. Or at least, not carved into his skin with a knife.

He could smell the infection spreading through Sirius skin. It wasn’t even that. It was the prison number scored into his neck, as though Azkaban had marked him for its own. That was what was making his arms shake, making his heart thunder in his chest. The past few months, no. The past _eighteen months_ without Sirius had been torture, and now he was back in his arms and terrified, waiting for Remus to strike.

He tried to take a shuddering breath, but all it did was fill his head with the scent of Sirius, cleaner now, but still wrong from that place. From the fear that had frozen him in place.

He was distinctly aware that Sirius was shirtless. That wasn’t quite what Remus had meant, he tried to convince himself. Except, the wolf growled, and Remus growled too. He had needed to see, needed to know. Even if Sirius never wanted him back.

Except… Sirius hand was under his shirt, calloused fingers pressed against his hip.

He forced his hands to move, trying to let go of Sirius.

‘Please.’ It was a rasp more than a word. Remus lent back slightly to look at Sirius.

‘What?’

‘Please… don’t go.’ He wasn’t meeting Remus’ eye, his patchy beard looked awful compared to his normal film-star stubble.

Remus felt like his ribs were bubbling, nervous energy eating away at him.

‘Let me get my wand.’

The tiny nod Sirius gave made him want to scream. He knew that look, the kicked-puppy-expecting-to-be-kicked-again look. He reached off the low bed to scoop it from the floor. Sirius didn’t move, didn’t look up. His hand didn’t leave Remus’ hip either.

He pressed it to Sirius temple, murmuring the healing charm for a concussion. There were certain things that had to be done first.

* * *

Sirius blinked. The awful stabbing in his head slipped away, taking the worst of the nausea with it.

‘That bad?’ He croaked.

‘Mmm.’ Remus voice was at least half an octave down, and Sirius was almost certain he wasn’t imagining the growl under his words. It made his hackles rise, and he pressed his face into Remus’ shoulder.

But then Remus’ arms were around him again. The tremors in his arms where still there, even as his hands moved over Sirius’ skin, fingers seeking the ragged rise and fall of scars and tattoos. Sirius had always wondered why some of his ink had raised scarring, and others didn’t. His older, hand-made ones mostly, so it was probably his fault.

He hissed and flinched away from Remus’ hand as it brushed the new marks on his ribs. He didn’t have many directions to move in and pressed himself closer to Remus in the moment. That was enough though.

Suddenly Remus’ hands were in his hair and pressing against his back, pinning him to Remus’ chest and the only thing Sirius wanted, the only thing he could do was to turn his face and press his lips against Remus’ neck.

Then Remus’ mouth was hunting for his and Sirius had never been gladder that Lyall had given him some mouth wash in the bathroom. Everything melted away in that moment, there was nothing left in the world, past or future, but them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A.N.: Sorry! I know I said we'd go see the Potters, but this chapter got away from me a bit. But, you know, Remus and Sirius seem to be making up, so that's good right?


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter Ten

Was there anything better than the smell of your own baby's head? James Potter was sure there wasn't. The smell of Harry's warm, sleepy baby head made him smile, even before he opened his eyes. The bed did not feel quite right, but it wasn't unusual for Lily to tuck Harry in next to him in the mornings, so she could do some potion work while James slept in from a late shift.

His arm felt very heavy as he lifted his hand to cup Harry's little head, and his heart jolted in his chest. He struggled to force his eyes open, and gripped Harry tighter. The bigger, heavier Harry with the hand that was missing its index finger. Both of these were new developments as far as James was concerned. And then there were the voices at the edge of his hearing.

'– It is not as simple as that, Lily. I am certain you understa –'

'Oh, I understand Albus!' Lily sounded exhausted, and furious. A terrible combination. 'You though it would be too complicated and too difficult to do the right thing until either of us woke. So, you made your own plan and went to hell with our family!'

'It is not that simple Lily, as I have tried to explain – '

'Don't. Just… don't.'

James had enough. He pulled Harry against his chest and pushed himself up the pillows. His vision was pretty awful, and he had no idea what had become of his glasses, so he squinted down the ward at the green and red Lily-shape and the violet Dumbledore-shape.

Harry made a sleepy complaining noise and burrowed into James' chest. He stroked the toddler's back, 'Hush little mate. We're alright.'

'James.' The relief in Lily's voice was palpable, and she shot towards him. She took his other hand and squeezed it hard, 'You're awake.'

'Just about. Glasses?'

She let go of his hand to rummage in a pocket and produced his spare glasses case, normally kept in his desk in the office. He retrieved the glasses and slipped them on, 'Thank you.'

Her cheeks were flushed with emotion, and her green eyes flashed angrily, but she was his Lily. 'Hi Evans.' He smiled, even though he knew everything was wrong, even though he had no idea what was happening and over her shoulder he could see Dumbledore looking enigmatic and Gideon looking stressed. He smiled because the last time he had seen Lily he had been telling her to take Harry and run, that _he_ was coming…

'What's the date?'

Lily looked utterly thrown for a moment, and it was Gideon who supplied the relative information, 'Eleventh of March 1982.'

Lily looked horrified, 'The eleventh! No, oh poor Remus.'

'We'll owe him so much chocolate for missing it.' James nodded, flippant as he tried to come to terms with being comatose for four months.

'Oh James. I was with him all day yesterday.' Lily shook her head and stood up straight. 'Albus, my family needs time to recover, and discuss what you have told me.'

'Perhaps it would be best if I explained to James – '

James had only seen the wand in Lily's hand a few times, but he recognised it and it shocked him. She did not turn, nor did she turn Orion's wand on Dumbledore, but her voice was so cold it could have rivalled Sirius' in his darkest moments.

'Get out. We will be in contact when you can be of use to us. Do not make me threaten you Albus, neither of us will like that.'

Albus nodded once, 'I am so very glad to see you all awake and well. I will take my leave, Gideon if you would be so kind as to walk down with me.'

The Potters were still until the door swung shut. Then James turned to his wife.

'Where are my clothes?'

* * *

_She had locked the door behind her, not that he dared look at it. Any sign of weakness or hunting for an escape would only escalate Bellatrix's manic need for violence._

_Not that he could see the door, lying flat on his back in the family library._

_Bella's knife was circling lightly over his skin, just above his belt buckle, as she straddled his thighs._

_'What have you been doing to yourself ickle Siri?'_

_He thought the most awful words and curses, the body bind had taken his voice too._

_'Gifts from your loves? Maybe I should cut them out and make you clean again…'_

_The knife cut into his skin and Sirius screamed in silence._

Only it wasn't silence, and the weight over his legs wasn't Bellatrix.

Remus had very clearly been dozing, but the horror that was tearing at Sirius' throat and hammering in his chest had snapped him into full waking. His hands were firm on Sirius' bare back and shoulders, holding him close but not so tight.

' _O fy nghariad, Sirius_ _cariad_. I'm here, you are in Rowan Cottage. You are safe.'

It was too much. Remus' soft Welsh accent, calling him love. They had broken up nearly a year before… before that night. He had never thought to hear those words again, and now, after everything and with Bella's manic cackling ringing in his ears from the nightmare memory and Azkaban. He barely had to think about it, before it was Padfoot's head tucked under Remus' chin and Padfoot's big paws getting tangled in the blanket.

Remus' hands tangled in his fur, 'Oh Pads.'

He wrapped his arms around Padfoot's neck. It felt nice, so he wagged his tail. It swished under the sheet, making a good sound. Remus' heartbeat was a good sound too, steady and a bit faster than everyone else's just like it always was. He smelt good too. That lovely Remus smell of jumpers and books and chocolate. He smelt like home.

His jumper smelt of other things though, Azkaban a little, but under that was something far more important. Family. Lily and Harry.

Padfoot's voice was nearly as hoarse as Sirius' and he barely managed the questioning whine. He pushed his nose into Remus' jumper and huffed inquisitively.

Remus chuckled, sounding tired and surprised, 'Yes Pads, I've seen them.' His fingers worked into the soft bit, just behind Padfoot's ear and the back of his neck.

He settled down against Remus, one side pressed to the length of him. This if anything made him aware of how much weight he had lost. Padfoot was huge, nearly the size of a bear, and the two of them currently fit easily onto the bed. He let out a doggy sigh and let the movement of Remus' fingers relax and lull him back to sleep.

* * *

It transpired Lily and Gideon had swung by Sirius' flat on their way back to St. Mungo's and had achieved a change of clothes for James from Sirius' rather eclectic wardrobe. The drainpipe jeans needed turning up at the bottom, but the t-shirt was one of James' anyway, an old Clash one.

The healers had done their best, but there was definitely muscle wastage he thought, looking down at his chest as Lily helped him dress.

He had to sit on the edge of the bed to get his breath back, 'Where are they?'

Lily didn't need to ask who, 'Remus' didn't tell me.' She scooped Harry up, and gave him a look that conveyed far more. It wasn't safe here, and she had an idea about where they were.

'What about the cottage?'

The look on her face broke James' heart, and he reached for her hand to squeeze.

Lily shook her head, 'I haven't been back yet. I only left here yesterday myself.'

'Well, that settles it.' He waved a hand to a wheelchair parked in the far corner, 'We'll go to Kent. It's still really fortified.'

Lily summoned the chair and helped him transfer into it, 'Come on Harry-love. You sit on Daddy's lap and I'll push you both down.'

James shook his head, 'No. We'll use a portkey. We can't apparate to the house anyway, and I'm not letting you push me all the way from the village.'

'They'll trace it.'

James sighed. He had been awake for less than an hour and he was exhausted. Remus and Sirius were out of reach for now and Peter… He shook his head, 'How then?'

'I… we could Floo.' Lily snapped her fingers, 'Dorcus is still on duty, she might let us use the Floo from the staff lounge. Is it still connected at the other end?'

'I think so.' James nodded, 'Yes. It should be fine. Godric, I wish I had my wand.'

Lily held out the cherry wand, 'Want this one?'

'I really don't.' His tone of disgust made her smile, and it was worth it. James caught her hand again, 'We are going to be alright.'

'Yes. Now let's sneak out of here and get home.'

* * *

The Potter manor was nestled into the steep side of a valley in the North Downs. Lily had always loved the chalk hills, with their beechwood forests and bluebell carpets. It was too early for the bluebells, but the woodland around the house would be full of wild garlic.

When Fleamont and Effie had died, James inherited the house. He hadn't felt right living there without them, and without Sirius who was already cheerfully installed in his SoHo flat. That, of course, hadn't stopped the boys from using the manor as their experimenting grounds.

This in mind, when Lily stepped out of the fireplace after James, she stopped perfectly still on the hearth stone, and offered James the wand once more.

James himself, out of the wheelchair and leaning heavily against the grandly carved mantle, took it. He looked pale and shaky and Lily's heart was raw as mince in her chest. All her boys were so hurt. James raised the wand and began to murmur quietly under his breath, moving it in complicated motions.

Lily caught bits of the charms and counter jinxes. The layers of protection James and Sirius had placed over the house should, in theory, not affect her, James or Harry. But some of the curses were too nasty to be trusted.

James wiped his brow with a trembling hand, 'Have you really been using this thing all day? It feels awful.'

'Mmm, I know.' Lily glared at the wand. She had only ever seen Orion on Platform 9 ¾, and though she would never say so to him, Sirius did look at lot like him. But Orion had exuded cold and malice even from a distance on the platform, and his wand still did the same.

James pushed away from the mantlepiece and took a tentative step towards the settee. When he wasn't struck down, or blind or whatever else they had done to the place he turned and grinned at her, letting himself topple backwards over the arm and into the plush cushions. 'I declare this room safe.'

Lily stepped nimbly around the little end table, with its big china lamp and settled next to James, gently lifting his head and laying it in his lap. She placed Harry carefully between James and the sofa back, but their little boy was too busy staring around at the strange room.

Lily stroked her husband's mess of black hair, smoothing it back from his temples. James looked pale. Even in winter he was normally outside as much as possible, keeping his ochre skin dark. Four months of coma and not natural light, the exhaustion he wasn't even trying to hide and the pain she thought was probably wracking his heart and body now had blanched him a sickly grey, and there were marks like bruises under his eyes.

Carefully she took Orion's awful wand from James. Reflexively he gripped it harder for a moment, and then relinquished it.

'Accio, James' first wand.'

James' brown eyes shot open, and he pushed himself up from her lap in time to grab the mahogany wand as it shot through the open parlour doorway at her head. He stared, surprised, down at the cobweb patterned carvings and smiled.

'Lily Potter, you are the most brilliant witch I have ever known.'

'Yes, I know.' She leant in then, pressing her lips against his and matched his smile. Even in the midst of this hell, they had each other. No one could reach them here, not unless they allowed it.

James' hand snaked around her neck, tangling in her hair and cupping the base of her skull. He kissed her back just as fiercely, until she threw her arms around him.

'James.'

'I know love. I know.'

'No. You don't.' She sighed and curled her feet under herself, 'They arrested Sirius, everyone thought he was our secret keeper, as planned.'

She could see the cold dread in James' eyes, even as he held his hand up to stop her, 'I'm summoning whisky and food, and then you can tell me everything that's happened.'


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm SOOO sorry! I didn't mean to leave this so long. I've been to hospital twice, dislocated both my hips, lost my job, been signed off work permanently and basically everything has gone to hell in a handbasket.
> 
> Anyway, I am back. I'm updating here with this, and the mostly cannon-ish PX390 (Peorth Algiz 390) had an update yesterday and will get a second, Halloween chapter, on the 31st. Take care everyone, enjoy spoopy week!

Remus froze at the sound of the quiet knock at the door. Sirius had slipped back into human form in the night, but he hadn't woken since the screaming. Remus had stayed awake. He held his breath, but Sirius did not stir. He slipped out of the bed and tucked the blanket up around Sirius and tiptoed to the door. His father was waiting on the landing.

'How is he?'

Remus sighed, 'I haven't seen…' He shook his head, 'I have seen him hurt, I've seen him drunk and all manner of other things.'

'Come and have some tea, lad. Fabian's nipped out to check in with the Ministry.'

Remus glanced over his shoulder at his childhood bedroom door.

'I shouldn't leave him.'

Lyall smiled sadly, 'You're no use to him if you don't rest.'

Remus wanted to argue, wanted to insist that there was a way he could just fix everything. Except if anyone knew about caring for people, it was Lyall. Slowly, he nodded.

'I suppose we'll hear him.'

'Most likely.'

Sat at the scrubbed kitchen table, watching the tea pot brew and presented with a plate of homemade crumpets and butter from the farm down the lane, Remus almost felt as though he could breathe. Almost.

Lyall sunk into the chair opposite and poured them two steaming mugs. He was a man of few words and said nothing as he passed Remus his mug. He knew his father was waiting though and gulped down a searing mouthful.

'I spoke to Mam a bit, after the thing with Severus.'

Lyall nodded.

'Sirius and I had been, well, fooling around a bit, before that. When I stopped speaking to him that Spring Term he fell completely off the rails. That was the Christmas he escaped his parents if you remember?'

'I do lad.'

'He went back to calling me Lupin then. And he's done it every time we've had a big falling out since. He's doing it now.'

'Have you spoken since you moved out?'

Remus pushed his fingers through his hair, 'No. Not properly. We haven't seen each other since – ', a lump welled up in his throat and he swallowed it dryly, 'Not since…'

'– Not since the McKinnons.'

Both Lupin men leapt to their feet, wands swinging to point at the door, though the jerk of his injured wrist made Remus growl.

Sirius leant against the kitchen door frame, his chest moving raggedly from the effort of coming downstairs. That didn't stop the twitch at the corner of his mouth that was a shadow of his old cocky smirk.

'Morning,' Sirius considered this and tried again, 'It is morning?'

'Aye, Sirius. Come and sit lad.' Lyall stepped out from the table to make room for Sirius, busying himself with a pan and the milk.

Remus fought the urge to help Sirius, arguments had been started over less before, and while he was struggling, he seemed much more with it than he had been the day before. He lowered himself gingerly into the chair and put the first aid kit on the table between them.

'I thought you might want this. For your arm.'

'And a few other things, by my ken.' Lyall muttered, garnering a filthy look from Remus, which he ignored, 'What will you eat Sirius?'

Sirius shook his head carefully, 'Nothing just – '

Remus stood, firmly, and crossed to the sideboard to cut bread, 'Have you got bacon Da?'

'Aye. I'll put some on.'

Remus caught Sirius' silver eyes flash in his direction as he shoved the bread under the grill to toast. He ignored this spark of rebellion, weighing irritation at Sirius' incorrigibility and pleasure at Sirius feeling well enough to be difficult. Remus turned and leant against the worktop, fixed Sirius with a look and cleared his throat.

Sirius still hadn't quite met his eyes, but his gaze flicked up towards Remus' face. Remus folded his arms.

'Ribs?' Sirius' voice was cracked still, and hoarse. From the screaming – a quiet, cold part of Remus thought.

'Yes.'

Lyall poured the contents of his saucepan into a stoneware mug and plonked it down on the table, the sweet smell of cocoa filling the air, 'I've to feed the beasts,' he informed them gruffly and stomped out the back door.

Sirius was already struggling out of his jumper and shirt again, and Remus paced carefully across the floor, kneeling easily on the floor in front of his ex-lover. Sirius turned slightly in his chair so Remus could see the mess that had been smooth, tattoo-less skin.

'You have to take care of yourself as well, Lupin.'

Remus put his wand down on the flagstones with a click, 'Stop that Black, or else.' A completely empty threat. Sirius chuckled hoarsely.

The wound was very infected. The jagged lines inflamed and oozing. Remus had taken Ancient Runes at NEWTs as well as OWLs, the same as Sirius, but this was beyond him. He could make out the shapes, and recognised the whole as being a magical design, but that was all he could work out.

'When did you do this?' Remus surprised himself at how calm he sounded.

'Mmm, I –' Sirius hissed between his teeth as Remus pressed a cotton ball soaked in Dettol to his ribs, '– I don't know. Remus?'

'Yes?'

'How long has it been?'

 _One hundred and thirty-two days_ , Remus' mind supplied, 'Four months, Sirius.'

'Four… oh. Then…' Sirius hesitated, his hand snaked down to his own thigh, pressing against the celestial clock tattooed there, 'Since January. Just before the lunar eclipse.'

'Half of these new ones, Pads, I can't read them.' Remus looked up into Sirius' face, 'Can you?'

Sirius leant back in the chair and squinted down at his ribs, 'Just about, yes.'

'Can I use my wand?'

Sirius snorted, 'If I had an ounce of magic left, I wouldn't be in this state. Have at.'

Remus shook his head, 'Drink your hot chocolate.'

'I'd really rather…' Sirius' voice tapered out at the withering look Remus gave him, and finally relented. He picked up the mug obediently, supporting it with both hands while Remus turned his wand on the mess.

It was slow work, cleaning the infection away, and drawing the edges of his skin back together. He was halfway done when Sirius carefully put the mug back down.

'Remus?'

'Yes, Pads.'

'Can you just vanish what's left of that one?'

Remus let out a breath he hadn't known it was holding, ' _Evanesco_ ,' he murmured, syphoning the charcoal blackness from Sirius' skin. He knew the freezing stillness that had come over Sirius, the wolf's hearing picking out the racing thump of his heart in the quiet of the house. Sirius was in pain, and he was afraid.

Remus waved his wand, conjuring bandages around the healing wound, 'Anything else?'

Sirius shook his head, 'Nothing drastic.'

'Fine. Breakfast then.'

He waved his wand towards the grill and stove, bacon and toast piled themselves onto a plate which zoomed over and landed by Sirius' elbow.

'Show me that arm.' Sirius' voice was steady now, almost firm.

Remus sighed and pushed himself up to sit in the chair next to him, 'If I let you, _if_ , you drink the hot chocolate and eat. Deal?'

'Fine.' Sirius pulled his own clothes back on and waited expectantly.

It felt like a long time since Sirius had patched him up, fingers calloused from brooms and curse-breaking and now prison walls, but still comfortingly familiar in the way he just got on with it. Other people fussed at the cursed wounds, with their jagged edges and depressingly obvious bite marks, not Sirius. He cleaned the wound, muggle-style, a light grip with his spare hand holding Remus in place.

'This needed stitching.'

Remus shrugged, 'I've been a little busy.'

Silver eyes finally met amber, 'No shit Moony.'

* * *

James had not wanted to sleep. If he hadn't spent the past four months in a magically induced coma, he certainly wouldn't have slept. But the effort of getting to the manor and clearing enough of the magic away completely drained him. The horrors of what had been done to his son and brother were too much to bear and he passed out on the sofa.

When he woke, he reached for his wand, even before his glasses. The war, and the final attack on Godric's Hollow had taken their toll on him. He knew, even before he properly opened his eyes that Lily and Harry weren't in the room, but as he stood up, the sound of her voice reached his ears.

' _So I'll be there when you arrive,_

_The sight of you will prove to me I'm still alive,_

_And when you take me in your arms,_

_And hold me tight,_

_I know it's gonna mean so much tonight…'_

The house had a crackly intercom system Fleamont had created years earlier, based on Muggle design but powered by magic. Lily had left it on so he would hear her. He smiled at her singing, presumably to Harry.

As he stood and stretched his arms above his head, he took stock. He felt much better for the sleep, he was hungry, his legs still didn't feel right, he really needed a pee. Wand in hand he headed for the loo just off the hall, and with that done, went in search of Lily.

She wasn't hard to find, having taken over the kitchen. Harry was settled in a kind of makeshift highchair she had crafted from some of his mum's sari material and a dining chair, giggling at Lily's dancing as she swirled around the room. A little, Muggle, travel radio was sitting by the sink, playing Queen now. James leant in the doorway, enjoying this last little moment of peace.

'Hello.' Lily had spotted him and smiled. She was, like him, still wearing her borrowed clothes from Sirius' extensive wardrobe, the green coat carefully laid over the back of another chair. James had no idea where the corduroy skirt had come from, but he liked the mustard colour of it.

'Hello you.'

With more effort than he would like to admit, James pushed away from the door frame and came into the room proper. He kissed her and bent to kiss Harry, who screwed up his face and pushed James away.

Lily laughed, 'Harry and I went to the village for supplies. I picked you up a razor.'

'Thanks, I really, really need to shave this beard off.'

She nodded, 'Yes. Sorry, but yes.'

James laughed.

'Go on, go wash and shave and I'll get you some breakfast together.'

He tried to nod, but suddenly there was a lump in his throat and then Lily's arms were around him. He held her tight and they were both crying. It only lasted a few moments. There was too much to be done.

'Right,' said James, 'Can you send a Patronus to Remus while I get sorted? Let's check in, then we can plan while we eat.'

Lily nodded and reached for Orion's wand.

* * *

There were shapes moving at the edge of his vision all the time. Faces, and bodies he recognised, or thought he did. Wisps of black smoke, shapes in the mist. Strangely it was precisely these hallucinations that let Sirius accept that he really was in Remus' Dad's kitchen.

That and even his imagination was not good enough to conjure such a convincing illusion of bacon.

He was glad to see Fabian, they had always got along well. Too well, sometimes. But as the Prewett twin had put it, he was a fag called Fabian and Sirius was never serious enough. Any relationship was doomed. After Hogwarts though they had made it up, Fabian had been pleased for Remus and him, and he and Gid had fought beside the Marauders more times than any of them could count. And now, here he was helping break Sirius out of Azkaban.

The news from the Ministry was brief. Once Lyall and an independent medi-witch from St. Mungo's both said Sirius was fit to stand trial, his appeal would be heard by the full Wizengamot. The witch was coming that afternoon.

Fabian looked awkward, and Remus was starting to fidget so Sirius cleared his throat, 'Alright Fabs,' he had to stop and try again, his throat was still horribly torn, 'what's the worst of it.'

Remus had stood and was rummaging in a cabinet that held all the healing supplies.

Fabian glanced at the werewolf, and then back at the convict, seeming to eye them up.

Sirius grinned, 'I couldn't fight a kitten, and he's still injured, I reckon you're safe.'

Fabian gave a little smirk, 'Fine. Because you are technically a convict, you'll have to be given back to the dementors custody for the trial.'

Sirius tried to keep a calm expression on his face, even as his heart accelerated so much it might explode in his chest. Then Remus' hand was on his shoulder. Sirius looked up, meeting Remus' beautiful golden eyes. Remus nodded.

'Yeah,' Sirius said, turning back to Fabian, 'That sounds about right.' He hoped the hoarseness of his voice covered the fear he felt.

'They also reckon you're some kind of genius Occlumens, Legilimens or both.' Sirius briefly wondered if Remus knew how tight his grip on Sirius' shoulder had just become. 'So, they want you under Veritaserum, and some other things.'

Sirius felt the laughter coming and did not bother to try and stop it as it bubbled out. Sound he was bent double in the chair, cackling until he coughed blood from his torn throat. Fabian had leapt back from the table, staring at Sirius. It just made the situation all the more hysterical. Remus sat in the chair next to his, pulling it close and rubbing his back as he hacked, and even Sirius had the common sense to know the wet sucking sound his chest was making wasn't good.

Breathing heavily, he slowly managed to straighten up. Fabian was still staring at him as though he was mad. Sirius grinned, tossing back the potion Remus wordlessly pushed into his hand. It tasted cool and smooth, like runny icing, a delight Sirius had only discovered when Lily had handed him the bowl after baking a cake. The way it coated his throat felt awful.

'Fabian.' Remus said calmly, 'He's fine.'

'He's hysterical, no offense Sirius.'

'None… ooof, none taken.' Sirius shoved a hand through his hair or tried to. It was badly matted, his mother's was the same. Long and luscious, but so easily matted beyond repair. He yanked his hand out, 'They want to poison me, so they can be certain the Veritaserum will work. Yes?'

Fabian sighed, 'That isn't what they are saying officially.'

'But unofficially?' Remus did not sound happy.

'Unofficially, yeah, pretty much. They'll feed you potions to strip your magic, and to confuse and befuddle you. I wouldn't be surprised if someone suggests Imperius too.'

Sirius started to snigger again, he couldn't help it, it was just too hilarious.

'Stop that.' Remus snapped.

Sirius bit into his lip, ignoring the blood and trying to focus on the pain to stop the mania that he could feel rising within him.

'I'm swapping out with Gid, in about an hour.' Fabian was still eyeing Sirius warily, 'But I might take a walk if…' He trailed off.

'We'll manage just fine lad, off ye pop.' Lyall stomped in through the back door. He held the door for Fabian and waited until he was well up the garden path before shutting it firmly.

Remus raised an eyebrow at his father, lacing his fingers firmly through Sirius', 'How much did you hear?'

'Ach.' Lyall waved his wand at the kettle, sending it back to the hob to boil, 'Enough to agree with Sirius.'

Sirius looked up, surprised, 'Agree with me on what?'

'That they cannae be going around doing the same old shit the other side did and still reckon they are on the side o' angels.'

Sirius grinned, the more Scottish Lyall became, the riled he was. It was nice to think Lyall was on his side.

The older Lupin cocked his head at them, 'So, what law is it that ye've broken and yer worried they'll get out of Sirius?'

Sirius glanced at Remus, for permission.

'Oh, for fuc – fine, yes alright.'

Sirius stood, and then fell into Padfoot.

He sat on the flagstone floor and wagged his tail at Lyall. Then stood and changed back, fluidly moving back to two legs.

Lyall blinked. He looked so like Remus, processing the information and working out what it meant.

'All of ye?'

They nodded.

Lyall sighed and shook his head, 'Moony,' He pointed at Remus, 'That one I kenned before. Sirius is Pads –'

'Padfoot.' Sirius interjected.

'Aye. James ye call Prongs, and wee Pete is Wormy.' He held up a hand, 'Don't tell me, I want to guess. For the moons if I ken right?'

Sirius nodded, 'In the summer between fourth and fifth. There's always good thunderstorms at James' parents in the summer.'

'And this is what ye are afraid of coming up?'

Remus looked at Sirius, 'Among other things. Sirius' life story shouldn't be something they can just pull apart in public.'

'My grandfather or mother could be there. It wouldn't go well.'

'Ach, let the Blacks air their dirty washing in public for a change.' Lyall grinned, 'And if there are any of your family there, they could do with the good publicity of you being innocent right now. Bellatrix Lestrange and company did not cover themselves in glory.'

Sirius nodded, 'Yeah, I saw her.'

The appearance of a shining doe Patronus in the middle of the kitchen floor made them all jump, especially when she spoke with Lily's voice.

' _I've got James, we're at the house. The Floo is up, but we've locked it into just a few places, yours included Lyall, thanks. Can you check in please Remus, James is worrying.'_

As the doe disappeared, Lyall looked from the place it had been, to them and back again.

'He's a stag? Away wi' ye, I was thinking a hairy coo.'


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey US readers, I just want to say I thinking of all of you. I love you, I hope that you will be okay and that you all make it out the other side of this safely and with the right man in the White House. Take care, stay safe. Any Polish readers out there, good Gods, I am with you. I love and support you too. And lastly, as offered on my Twitter, drop me a review or a message with a prompt or suggestion for a Wolfstar/Marauder one shot and I'll write it for you, to take our minds of everything that's going on right now.

Chapter Twelve

Of course, Sirius had wanted to go straight to the Potter Manor. He had actually stood up, pushing away from the table and tried to make his way to the sitting room. But then Remus' strong arms had caught him around the middle, and turned him around, the two of them facing each other in the cottage's little hallway.

'Think about this Sirius, calmly.'

He shook his head and the world span a little, rubbing at his face he murmured, 'I just need to see that they're alright Rem. I _need_ to.'

Remus' hands were still on his hips, 'I know. Padfoot, I promise you I understand. But you can't leave the cottage now. Remember, the appeal trial?'

Sirius blinked, 'Oh, yeah.' Transforming in and out of Padfoot and all this moving around had taken its toll. Sirius felt exhausted.

Remus seemed to know, 'Come on, let's sit and send a message back. We can speak to them after your medi-witch comes.'

He guided Sirius to the sofa, and Sirius folded gratefully onto it. Remus was hovering now, like he didn't know what to do with himself. Sirius had been raised in a world of limited physical contact. Shagging around had been one thing, but there was always uncertainty with the people he loved. And they had broken up, hadn't they? Remus had left, left him, left the flat.

Sirius' hazy brain shoved forward the memory of last night, Remus holding him, kissing him, calling him _fy nghariad_. Clever, beautiful Remus who had walked into the literal hell that was Azkaban for him. Sirius reached out and curled his fingers loosely around Remus wrist, guiding him to sit on the sofa.

'You look shattered.' The potion was working wonders on the pain in his throat, but his voice still sounded hoarse.

Remus chuckled mirthlessly, 'You are one to talk.'

Sirius smiled, 'Send the Patronus.'

Remus frowned, but didn't argue. He cast the spell.

Sirius adored the silvery wolf that shot out of Remus' wand. He always had. It spoke to the absolute best parts of Remus, his loyalty, his protective and loving nature. Remus could barely look at it. The wolf vanished carrying their message to Kent.

Sirius realised his fingers were still lightly wrapped around Remus wrist. So had Remus apparently, because he turned his hand to catch them, threading his fingers through Sirius'.

'I thought I had lost you.'

Sirius looked up, surprised, 'When?'

'Eejit.' Remus half smiled and shook his head, 'I was at your sentencing.'

'I remember.' Sirius had never forgotten, he could hear his own manic voice ringing in his ears as he begged Remus, begged him in front of all those people to help him. 'Did you believe them, that I killed Marlene?'

Remus peered at him then, trying to judge what was happening inside Sirius. Not much, Sirius reflected. He was too tired even to achieve the cold indifferent curiosity he had learnt as a child. He was simply interested. Remus was here and holding his hand after all, whatever came next was fine by Sirius.

Remus folded up, crossing his legs on the sofa cushion. His thick knitted socks were mismatched. He was still holding Sirius' hand.

'No. I was right behind you in that stair well. I saw you in their flat.' He pushed his free hand through his hair, and Sirius was certain he caught a fleck of silver in the tawney strands, 'Sirius… I… I should never have said those things. I should never have thought them. Forgive me.' Remus spoke as though his heart had broken, and Sirius felt the pain of it. The scene played out again behind his eyes.

_The flat was a riot. Remus had been gone for weeks and Sirius hadn't bothered to clean up after himself. Remus grabbed the mostly empty whisky bottle from the table and threw it hard, the glass exploded above the fireplace and Sirius whirled on him._

_'Hey! That was fucking mine!'_

_'And I told you I was sick of you drinking. I told you before I left.'_

_'Fuck you Remus. And where is it_ exactly _that you have been all this time, eh?'_

 _Remus had snarled, actually baring his teeth at Sirius, 'You know_ precisely _where I have been.'_

_'Yes. I can fucking smell him on you.'_

_Fighting so often turned to fucking, but not this time. This time Remus had just looked at him, 'Any new tattoos, Sirius?' He had sneered._

_'What is that supposed to mean?'_

_'We all know information is being passed to Him.'_

_'_ I'm _not the one disappearing for weeks on end with Dark bloody Creatures.'_

Remus hadn't said another word, he packed and left while Sirius chain smoked and started in on the neat vodka from a not clean mug.

Sirius blinked, 'Not at all Moony, will you forgive me for believing it was you?'

Remus shut his eyes, leaning forward to press his forehead against Sirius' shoulder, 'There's nothing to forgive Pads.'

It was the most natural thing in the world to lift his other hand to Remus' head, cupping his jaw and stroking gently with his thumb. He dipped his head to Remus hair, breathing in the smell of woods and chocolate, of dusty books that was all Moony. He pressed his lips to the tawney hair.

Remus' fingers tangled in Sirius' jumper, clawing him closer. His breath hitched, breaking into sobs. Sirius untangled their hands to wrap his arms around the werewolf, pulling him tight up against his bony chest. The long fingers of one hand tangling in the curls at the back of his neck.

'Hush love, hush. You're safe, we are all fine.' Sirius murmured, lips moving against the top of Remus head.

'I thought… I thought –' Remus' voice cracked, '– I lost all of you.' He shuffled closer, turning his head to press his face against Sirius' neck. 'Pet – Pettigrew dead, Lily and James comatose. I tried to hold on to Harry, but after we… after you and I… I'm not his Godfather by myself. And…' His voice was even quieter now, 'Dumbledore said what could I give him anyway?' He sighed, 'Nothing.'

Anger soared in Sirius' chest. How dare Dumbledore say that to _his_ Remus? Aside from James, Remus was the best man he had ever known. Sirius gave him a little shake but couldn't bring himself to try and pull Remus away to look at him. He circled his arms closer, 'You have so much to give.'

'You know that is a lie. I can't hold down a job. I don't have a house. And you were all gone.'

Sirius did pull him back that time, 'You absolute fuckwit. Where have you been staying?'

Remus met his eye, bright gold pupils shining with tears, 'A hostel, near St. Mungo's.'

'Why didn't you go home?' He was confused, 'To the flat?'

'Oh. I took Lily… two days ago. When we got Harry.' Sirius waited for him to go on, 'I didn't think of your flat to be honest.'

Sirius shook his head, 'Our flat. I put your name on the deeds years ago.'

'You did?'

He nodded, 'Of course, and on all my accounts.'

'Sirius, that's ridicul –'

He cut Remus off firmly, 'No. It isn't. It all goes to you in my will anyway.' And pulled him back into a tight hug. 'You. Eejit.'

Remus didn't fight him, but he did stiffen as Sirius' fingers made their way back to his neck, rubbing gentle circles.

'How long has he been this close to the surface?' Sirius deliberately pitched his voice low, and as soft as he could. He knew his Moony, and the wolf within. It wasn't that long since the full moon and under the amount of stress and upset he was slowly beginning to realise Remus had been dealing with, on top of spending the better part of three months solely with other werewolves he knew that the control they all prided Remus on was hanging by a thread.

'Since…' Remus took a deep breath, and Sirius knew he was taking in his scent, 'Since we broke up really. It was alright in the summer when I was still coming on Order missions, but after I only went to pack…' He shrugged and sat up but keeping his grip on Sirius' hip. 'Since Halloween though, it's the worst it has ever been. You know, our pack…' He shrugged again.

'I do know, I do.' He let Remus tug him in, turning and resting his back against Remus' chest. But he went slowly, not just because he still felt exhausted. He trusted Remus, but the wolf's possessive nature was a dangerous thing. It was easy to just submit, but after years of dating he knew better. Unless the moon was full and they were running under it, he did not submit. Not truly. Remus wrapped around him, settling him between his legs. Sirius could just feel the rumble in Remus' chest of the ultra-low growl.

'Remus, my love, I'm here. Please, the moon is gone for the month. We're all safe.'

He twisted to kiss Remus' jaw, and finally, slowly, Remus began to relax. Sirius stayed exactly where he was and felt the tension eke out of each muscle in the love of his life's body.

* * *

James had just sat down to eat the scrambled eggs and toast Lily put in front of him, when the silver wolf padded in through the closed backdoor. He sat, comfortably in the middle of the kitchen and spoke.

_'We're so glad to hear from you. Padfoot and I are safe, at the hills. Dealing with ministry red-tape, will Floo you after.'_

Lily watched her husband, gauging his rection.

James sighed, putting down his fork, 'At least he has him.'

She nodded, 'I'm not certain anyone could have stopped him. James, Remus was… I have never seen him like that before. He attacked Fabian.'

James looked up, 'Fabian Prewett?'

'Yes. He came running to hug me when we got there, it startled Remus.'

'Was he hurt?' James' firm Auror voice coming out now.

'No!' She shook her head, 'No, he was fine. Remus has had to live through all this James.'

'I know, I do. He'll just be a mess. Both of them.'

'Any ideas on the "red tape"?'

He passed a piece of toast to Harry, 'It could be anything, but they'll probably want someone to check Sirius over, make sure he's fit for trial. The sooner the better, for Sirius and for the Ministry.' He gave a bitter laugh, 'They will _not_ like the idea that he's innocent. It will have been a field day for them, saying he turned, and they caught him.'

Lily swore under her breath, 'How can anyone believe it?'

'He's a Black, _the_ Black heir, even after he was disowned that's still how everyone thinks of him.'

'But his parents weren't, aren't Death Eaters.'

'As good as. His grandparents supported Grindelwald, both his parents and Alphard were at Hogwarts with Voldemort. And then there's Regulus.' James sipped his tea, 'And then there's the fact that Sirius is difficult, rebellious and avoids straight answers.'

'While fighting Death Eaters every day of his life. James, it's insane.'

'I know. That is what we are going to prove at the appeal trial, so long as Sirius keeps his head, and doesn't just fight them.'

She looked at him, 'How much of a fight can he put up?' She and Sirius had been friends for years, she had tolerated him even before James at Hogwarts. But it still felt like there was so much she didn't know, he kept secrets even from the boys.

'Without seeing him, I can't say. He is an Occlumens, which is why they won't have wanted to try him in the first place, even if they don't know it for a fact. They'll say he learnt Dark Arts to keep the truth from anyone.'

'Which isn't untrue, is it?' Lily felt as though she was stepping onto thin ice, James was so protective of his adopted brother.

'In the strictest sense, no.' James was still in Auror mode, 'But he wouldn't be the curse breaker he is, or the Order member we relied on, if he hadn't. And I challenge anyone to grow up in that house, that family, and _not_ learn a few things.'

Lily nodded and scooped Harry up, 'We are here for him this time, we'll get him back.' She inhaled, 'Oooft, Harry! Right, bum change for you little man.'

She left James with his breakfast, and the copy of the Prophet she picked up that morning.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: Hello! How is everyone today? Congratulations to all the US readers out there, I hope the next part goes easier for you all. Stay safe, take care.  
> We are getting close now, the medi-witch is here to check on Sirius. Deep breath, here we go!

Remus knew what was coming, that did not change how much he hated it. There was one place in his parents' house that could be considered fortified enough to hold Sirius. It was the reason he was still holding Sirius, unmoving on the sofa. The black haired Animagus in question was lying between Remus' legs, curled into his chest and asleep. It was proper sleep, much less fitful than in the night. It gave Remus time to assess.

He was annoyed with himself for crying. For laying all that on Sirius. Though at least he knew now why the wards on the flat hadn't reacted to him, the flat was his. Remus looked down at Sirius' head, cradled against him. His hair really needed cutting, they'd talk about that after the medi-witch. He was so thin, Remus couldn't bear to think what state of the food in Azkaban was like, or how little of it an already difficult eater like Sirius would have managed. Though, as his mother had once pointed out, Sirius wasn't picky, he had just had a complicated relationship with food since early childhood. Another joyous side effect of growing up in Grimmauld Place.

Still, his weight was reassuring, calming even to the wolf that had paced a path raw inside Remus' chest in the past four months. At least temporarily, they were all safe. He could feel the tension eke away, draining out of his muscles and letting him breathe deeply for first time in longer than he cared to think about.

Sirius stirred, murmuring quietly in his sleep, '… _je suis innocent, ero innocents, eímai athóos_ , _soy inocente_ , _dwi yn… bugger_.'

He pressed his face back into Remus' chest and sighed, settling again.

' _Ddieuog, cariad._ You are innocent, that's right.' Remus whispered into Sirius' hair, supplying the forgotten word. 'And we are going to get you out of this mess.'

The carriage clock on the mantel piece chimed quietly, half-twelve. Remus squeezed his eyes shut for a moment, and then stroked Sirius' hair gently.

'Sirius? _Cariad_ , I need you to wake up now.' He gave his shoulder a little shake.

He knew Sirius was awake from the way he had frozen, completely still like a dog on the hunt, even his breathing halted.

'Where are we?' Sirius croaked.

'The same place we were when you fell asleep. In Rowan cottage, on my Da's sofa.'

'Right…' Sirius slowly unfroze, reaching for Remus' hand to tangle their fingers together, 'It's coming back, I just need a moment.'

'You're fine.' Remus gave his hand a little squeeze. 'How do you feel?'

'Urgh.' In his exhaustion, under the hoarseness, Sirius' posh, plummy accent had reasserted itself, 'Empty.'

'We'll talk to Da about getting you some restorative potions.'

'No.' Sirius' voice was firm. He sat up, blinking, 'No. The less magic I have the less excuse they have to deny the appeal.'

'Sirius, I'm not sure –'

'I mean it. They are going to strip whatever powers I have left to try me anyway. A day or so with a little magic won't change anything.'

Remus frowned. Purebloods like Sirius almost existed on magic. Lyall had once speculated that was part of what drove prisoners in Azkaban so mad, the sapping of something so vital to them as their magic.

Sirius eyed him, 'Is it time?'

He nodded, 'They'll be here soon.'

Slowly, carefully, Sirius unfolded and stood. Remus followed, 'I'll be with you the whole time.'

Sirius turned, staggering slightly, 'You don't have to.'

'Yes. I do.'

The door to the cellar stairs was in the hallway, and Remus tried to not look too wary. The wards were down, so Remus opened the door and called down, 'Da?'

'Aye lad, you can bring him down.'

Remus went first in case Sirius tripped and fell. The door at the bottom was wrought iron, its black surface inscribed with magic to strengthen it. Inside, the room had changed since Remus' last stay. His father had set up a camp bed, a little table with an oil lamp, and the old armchair from his study. The walls had been smoothed over, hopefully with magic, Remus would have been very annoyed to discover his father had gone to all the hassle of reskimming the walls.

Sirius leant in the doorway, almost managing to affect his usual nonchalance, even though Remus knew it was because his head was spinning.

'Well, this certainly is an elegant suite.'

Both Lupin men rolled their eyes, even though they knew Sirius meant no harm.

Lyall nodded, 'Aye. It'll certainly do for the likes of you, Sirius.'

'Yes, of course.' Sirius pushed off the wall and made his way, weaving slightly, to sit on the bed. 'You'll lock me in?'

'Sirius-lad –'

'No.' Remus cut across his father, 'And I will be here.' He turned to his father, ' _Athair, tha mi ag iarraidh na leabhraichean mu Dementors_.'

'You know, there's no point in speaking Gaelic so I don't understand when the word Dementor is still Dementor.' Sirius smirked.

Lyall pointedly ignored him, 'I'll bring some lunch too. And more chocolate. Make sure he eats.'

Remus nodded and settled himself into the armchair.

Sirius watched him as Lyall went back up the stairs, 'What are you doing Moony?'

'Taking care of you.' Remus smiled, 'I would've thought you'd know what this looked like by now.'

Sirius smiled and folded sideways onto the bed, 'Normally you are a lot more fucked off with me.'

Remus sniggered, 'You sound ridiculous.'

'Do one Lupin.' Sirius smothered a laugh that changed into more of the wet hacking that had been happening intermittently since Azkaban. Remus was really hoping whoever Gideon brought would be able to help with that. Wounds, injuries, and that kind of thing the Lupins were well prepped to handle, but sickness, not so much.

Hope would have known what to do. Remus allowed himself a childish moment of longing for his mum. She would have held them both and made Sirius a tea or set up a potion for Lyall to finish when the time came. She would have known what food Sirius might have managed. And more importantly, she would have known exactly what to say to put them back together. Yes, he had held Sirius all morning, and most of the night, but what if Sirius didn't want him back? What if they made it through the trail and everything and Sirius… left?

Remus pushed the thought aside as Lyall appeared again, a tray floating in front of him. There were two of the big soup bowls, and a pile of griddle bread. Remus nose caught the scent of chicken and vegetable. Even Sirius raised his head.

'Do I detect your famous Cock-a-leekie soup, Lyall?'

'Dunnae push it Sirius.' Lyall grumbled as he passed Sirius a bowl and half the griddle bread wrapped in a cloth. The tray he brought to Remus and put a pile of three books on the table by his elbow.

' _Tapadh leith, Athair._ '

'No need to thank me lad.' Lyall dropped his voice, 'I'll be up the stair if you need anything. Rowena knows this might be difficult. Your pal Fabian set off down the road to meet that brother o' his and the healer.'

'Right.' Remus nodded and took a deep breath. 'We'll shout if we need help.'

They were just finishing up their lunch when Gideon stomped down the stairs, in the dragon hide boots that matched Fabian's. Sirius went still, for less than a heartbeat. Remus couldn't tell if he was imagining it, but for a moment it felt as though the temperature in the cellar dropped half a degree. He watched Sirius carefully. It used to happen a lot when Sirius was young. It was something to do with his magic. When he was on the defensive, and that cold, pureblood mannerism came over him you could feel the literal chill in the air. Not that Sirius should have any magic left right now.

'Remus,' Gideon nodded to him, 'Sirius. Good to see you.'

Gideon smelt wary, even if he managed not to sound it. Remus stayed seated.

'And you, how is everything?'

Gideon nodded, 'All fine on my end.'

Sirius carefully put his bowl on the floor. He wasn't really watching Gideon, but the shadow coming down the stairs behind him.

'Dorcus!' Remus felt genuinely happy to see her.

She grinned back, 'Hey Remus.'

Sirius smiled, though the shadows under his eyes and hollows of his cheeks ruined the effect slightly, 'Alright love?' The was real warmth in his cracked voice though.

She nodded, 'Yeah, I'm good thank Sirius.' She glanced between them, 'There's a whole official speel thing.'

Sirius glanced at Remus. He nodded, 'That's fine. I'm staying.'

Gideon cleared his throat, 'Remus, this is an official Ministry investigation…'

'If I were his wife, you'd let him stay.' Sirius almost growled, but whether that was a side effect of his throat or some suppressed emotion Remus couldn't judge.

'Well… yes, I suppose.'

'Good.' Remus said, leaning back in his chair, 'Then we all agree that I can stay.'

Dorcus hid her smile as she bent to put her healers' bag on the floor, 'Right, now we're all done with _that_. Mr. Sirius Orion Black, lately of Flat B, 19 Old Compton Road, Soho, London?'

'I am he.' Sirius rasped.

'Gideon, could you get Sirius some water please?' Dorcus asked primly.

'I'm not supposed…' Gideon glanced at Sirius again, 'Sure.'

Dorcus crouched in front of Sirius, 'Mr. Black, I am the Wizengamot assigned healer. I am here to assess your physical and mental state to decide whether or not you are currently capable of providing evidence in your appeal trial. If you are not, your trial may go forth without you. Have you understood everything I've said?'

Remus waited for the sarcasm, the eye roll. It did not come.

Sirius pushed himself up as straight as he could and spoke in the clipped formal tone that Remus always associated with his heir persona.

'I have understood and accept.'

She smiled, 'Alright, that's the formal part done for now. How are you feeling?'

'Uch,' Sirius folded over to cough again, 'Peachy.'

'I don't like the sound of that cough, how long has it been like that?'

'Not –' He dragged down another breath, 'Not certain. I thought it was from not smoking to start, then when the snow came…' Sirius shrugged.

Dorcus made an awfully familiar sound. They had all heard it before, disgust. She made it when Sirius had bent his latest squeeze over the Common Room table, snogging their breath away. She made it when James jinxed Snape's hair to drip actual slime. She made it when Marlene had broken her leg fighting Death Eaters, and the bone pushed through the skin. She made it now, thinking about Azkaban.

Gideon ducked back into the room, carrying a copper jug of water. He poured a cup and offered it to Sirius.

Sirius took it, 'What you put in it Gid?'

'The usual, Veritaserum mixed with arsenic.'

Sirius chuckled as Dorcus took his pulse.

'I don't find it very funny. What injuries have you treated already Remus?'

As he listed everything he could think of, Dorcus waged her wander, over and over. A quill moved by itself across the parchment by her leg.

'Tattoos, unless they are really infected as technically Sirius' own problem.' She gave Sirius a hard look, 'And the less I know about them the better probably.'

He nodded, 'Agreed.'

'Remus says you were hallucinating. Are you still?'

'Yes.' He sounded so certain.

'Do you know where you are?'

'I know where I think I am.'

Dorcus leant back on her heels, and Remus couldn't help his eyes being drawn to her withered arm. Yet another victim of this gods-awful war.

'Do you understand what they're accusing you of?'

Sirius raised his head again, giving her a long and level look, 'The same thing they've been accusing me of since I was eleven Dorcus. Belonging to _him_.'

She gently placed a hand on his knee, 'We're nearly done Sirius. I need to take a sample of your blood, and there's just one more question.'

He rolled up his right sleeve, revealing some of his older tattoos. Dorcus had seen them before but Gideon whistled low between his teeth as she used her wand to draw the blood into a crystal vial.

'Do you even know what half of them do?' Gideon asked him quietly.

Remus smiled, 'I studied Ancient Runes at NEWTs with Sirius. I know about… sixty percent of them.'

'And you sleep in the same bed as him?'

Remus caught his eye, 'You haven't seen mine Gid.'

Gideon looked surprised and then let out a booming deep belly laugh. Dorcus jumped, but it was Sirius who held Remus' attention. Strangled by the damage to his throat, it sounded all wrong, but his barking laugh joined Gideon's to bounce off the cellar walls.

This caused yet more coughing and all three men received a firm telling off from the little witch.

When Sirius got his breath back, Dorcus nodded to her quill, 'Last question?'

'Go ahead.'

'Have you, Sirius Black, performed or attempted to perform magic since you left Azkaban?'

Sirius rolled his eyes, 'With what wand?'

'Answer the question Sirius.'

'I have not attempted to perform magic, I have no access to a wand to perform magic anyway.'

Remus knew his own face would give nothing away, but it always caught him off guard how good a liar Sirius truly was.

Dorcus nodded and looked to Gideon for a hand up, 'Alright then. I'm going to leave potions and instructions with Remus, and Mr. Lupin. But honestly, I don't see any reason not to go ahead.'

Sirius flumped backwards on the bed, sitting up and talking for so long having taken its toll. He lifted one hand to wave as Gideon started up the stairs.

Dorcus paused at the bottom of the stairs, 'Remus, could I have a word?'

'Of course.'

He followed them up to the hallway. The radio was playing in Lyall's study at the front of the house, so it was the three of them turned in to the kitchen.

Remus positioned himself in the doorway, blocking the path back to Sirius. He crossed his arms across his chest, 'So, what's the verdict?'

Dorcus put her bag down on the kitchen table, 'I'm fairly certain he has some kind of pneumonia, I'll leave you something for it, and if that doesn't clear it up you can follow it with Pepper Ups.'

Remus looked between her and Gideon, 'What aren't you saying?'

'I'm worried about his mental health.' Dorcus pushed loose strands of blond hair out of his face with her good hand, 'He's never been the most stable person Remus.' He tried to speak but she kept going, 'Everyone in the Order, or who was at school with him knows it. And he got progressively worse after…' To her credit she didn't look at Gideon, 'Well, after you two broke up. And after Marlene. Azkaban won't have improved anything.'

'But he can recover. People recover from Azkaban.'

'Ye-es, but Remus, Sirius' baseline sanity isn't exactly where ours is.'

Remus could feel his fingers digging into his arms hard enough to bruise now, 'There is nothing wrong with him.'

Oh yes and Dorcus heard the growl in his voice too, 'I'm just saying, don't expect miracles from him. You'll need to keep an eye on his magic too, I'll leave you some potions to keep it suppressed –'

'There will be no need for that lass.' Lyall said from behind Remus. Remus sidestepped to let his father in.

'Mr. Lupin, I'm Dorcus Meadowes. I'm a healer and I'm afraid there is a risk that –'

'Do ye ken that I am an expert in Magical Creatures, especially incorporeal ones?'

'Yes, of course.' Now she did look at Gideon.

'Mr. Lupin, Lyall, Sirius isn't stable. That means his magic, when he starts to regain his powers, will be unstable. It's dangerous.'

'See here laddie.' Remus swallowed, _laddie_ was not a word anyone wanted to hear coming out of his father's mouth, 'Sirius Black's a guest in my hoose. He has been tae hell an' back fae the sake a' yous all and tae fight in this fucking war. He'll no be treated with fear or mistrust in my hoose. He will be treated wi' respect an' kindness fae as long as he needs it. D'ye ken me?'

There was silence following this pronouncement. Remus idly wondered how much of that the very English people had understood.

Gideon nodded, 'Of course, I completely understand Mr. Lupin.'

'Aye, good. Now lass, leave the potions there on the table then I'll gi' ye my view. Remus, go see to Sirius and I'll set Mr. Prewett here up wi' a cup o' tea.'

Remus nodded, and did exactly what his father told him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: My Lyall is Scottish, and when he's riled he has a tendancy to slip into Scots. For anyone a little lost "tae" means "to", "fae" means "from" or "for", "yous" is a plural you like y'all, "ken" means "know" or "understand". When Remus calls Sirius "cariad" that's Welsh for "love". Remus calls Lyall "Athair" which is Scots Gaelic for "Dad/Father", and he asked him for books about Dementors. "Tapadh leith" is the formal Gaelic for thank you. Oh, and Sirius is saying "I am innocent" over and over in different languages, like he did in Azkaban, which gives you an idea what he is dreaming about. I hope my smatterings of languages all make sense!


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter Fourteen

**Friday 19 th March 1982**

They had brought the camp bed upstairs and put it next to Remus’. Remus still insisted Sirius took the proper bed, and Sirius couldn’t help but feel it was because that way he was trapped between Remus and the wall.

He was improving. He woke screaming half as often as he had for the past two months, his skin no longer burned with fever and the cough was reducing. His voice was still hoarse, but he insisted it was sexy and should stay. The Lupins rolled their eyes at him, but he could tell both of them were pleased to hear him joke.

The daily visits from Aurors were dull and monotonous. Lyall was starting to lose patience with them too, cups of tea no longer offered. Sirius was grateful to from that. He was hazy, still, on how much Lyall knew and did not know, how much of their breakup he had been told about. But aside from being marginally more interested in feeding him up than he used to be, Lyall still treated Sirius as his much loved – albeit in the gruff Scottish way Sirius adored – son-in-law.

They hadn’t talked about it. He could feel Remus’ pain like it was his own. Neither of them wanting to move first, in fear of rejection. They slept, together, tangled in long limbs, breathing each other in. When the memories or nightmares got too close, they held each other. There had been more kisses. Some formed from old habit – Sirius catching Remus’ hand in a quick moment as Remus brushed past, others – Remus’ fingers caught hard in Sirius’ hair, trapping him against his chest and kissing the terror away. Sirius did not dare hope, even as he could feel the tiny kindling of emotion under his ribs, he doused it in ice. Because it was today.

Because he might be sent back.

Feet on the stairs woke him. He did not need to open his eyes to know Remus had got up, which was fairly normal these days.

Sirius took a deep breath, _this is Rowan cottage, I’m with Remus,_ this _is real_. The same mantra six, eight, a hundred times a day when the shadows crowded in close and he couldn’t be certain he had ever left Azkaban.

But the footsteps were not Remus’. Nor were they Lyall, or either of the Prewetts. Too heavy to be Dorcus too. Sirius pushed himself up as the door opened, making it to sitting with sheer force of will and for the millionth time reaching for a wand that wasn’t there. He froze.

James Potter smiled at him from the doorway, ‘Alright Padfoot?’

Sirius tore the blanket from his legs and threw himself forwards across Remus’ bed. His feet tangled in the sheets and he toppled forward, hands breaking his fall as he wrenched them free and staggered into the man he called brother.

‘James.’ He croaked, and James wrapped his arms around Sirius too, hugging back just as hard as Sirius was hugging him.

‘Steady on mate.’ James wheezed as Sirius crushed him.

‘Not a chance.’ Sirius loosened his grip slightly all the same, he could feel how much thinner the smaller man was, his mind supplying the image of his best friend crumpled in the lounge doorway at Godric’s Hollow. ‘Lily? Harry?’

‘Lil’s downstairs, with Harry.’ James’ voice was calm, soft. He had spoken to Sirius like that before, after school holidays and bad nights. It made Sirius smile. ‘Godric though, you’re thin.’

Sirius chuckled, smothering a cough, and stepped back, ‘I could say the same, scrawny git.’ His eyes brushed the start of James’ scar, beginning under his chin and disappearing under the collar of his shirt. Sirius raised an eyebrow at James’ smart grey tie, ‘Muggle?’

‘Yeah, all my good robes were in the house and… well it’s a bit of a state. Besides, Lily hates formal robes, this way we all match.’

Sirius nodded.

James must have caught something microscopic in his face, ‘We swung by the flat,’ He picked up an awfully familiar looking Gryffindor Quidditch Team hold-all, ‘I brought you some options.’

With help from James, Sirius managed to dress in the Savile Row suit. Neat, black, and slim, matched with a grey waistcoat and shirt. James passed him the deep, Gryffindor red tie. Sirius let his mind go blank and his hands weave the double four-in-hand knot instinctively.

‘It’s a bit big…’ James sounded unsure behind him.

Sirius turned and smiled, ‘Good. Let them see what they’ve done.’

‘Padfoot,’ James’ voice took on a warning tone now, ‘You have to play this – ‘

‘I know James.’ Sirius could hear the hard edge in his voice, even under the roughness, ‘I know. I must sit there and be tortured and be polite. So, let me have a little spite now, before I have to be docile and law-abiding.’

Prongs smiled, ‘I’ve missed you.’

‘And I you.’ Sirius dragged a ghost of his old grin onto his face, ‘Come on,’

He managed the stairs in one go, testimony to Lyall’s Scottish fare, and James – coming behind him – must have given Lily the nod over his head because he had barely touched the floor when she barrelled into his arms in a cloud of flaming red hair.

Sirius rocked on the spot with the impact but held her no less firmly than he had James. She smelt of herbs, and sunshine and flowers. He breathed her in, tangling the trailing ends of her curls loosely in his fingers.

She took a ragged breath, and he smiled, ‘Hush Evans. It’s alright.’

She mumbled something into his chest.

‘What was that love?’

She peeled back, green eyes sparkling, ‘I said it’s not fucking alright and don’t bloody Evans me.’

He grinned then, for her, ‘But of course,’ His formal accent springing forth and by the gods did he sound like Orion now, with his voice so worn and low, ‘Whatever you wish Mrs Potter.’

‘Good Merlin Sirius!’ Lily swatted him, very lightly on the arm and then smiled, ‘It’s so good to see you.’

‘It’ll be better this afternoon.’ Remus’ calm voice came from the living room and Sirius looked up to see the love of his life holding his – _their_ – godson.

He side-stepped Lily and crossed the room, cupping a hand to the back of Harry’s head.

‘Hello Prongslet.’ He had grown, massively it seemed to Sirius, in the nearly five months since they had last seen each other.

‘Ad-oot!’ Harry beamed at him, lunging sideways out of Remus’ arms at Sirius. He caught him, cuddling him tight to his shoulder.

‘Touching. Give the boy back Black.’

Sirius fought the urge to vomit at the sound of Moody’s voice. He said nothing, did not turn round. He planted a kiss on Harry’s head, and then passed him back to Remus.

He caught the golden gleam in Remus’ amber eyes and held his gaze for a moment, before asking, calmly, ‘Are we all ready?’

‘Yes.’ Remus nodded.

‘I still reckon Wizengamot is no place for the wee lad.’ Moody complained, but was interrupted by another Scottish voice.

‘This family is stopping together until it’s all through _Alasdair,_ whe’r or no ye greet ov’r it. Ye ken me big man?’

Lyall Lupin stomped in, in an old, but neat enough, tweed suit.

‘Aye Lyall, _tha e gu math_.’

Mad-Eye moved toward Sirius, Sirius fought the urge to flinch, or run. He could feel the magic in his tattoos, in his blood, starting to stir and swirl. He flexed his wrist, a twisting motion that had James’ finger curl around it.

‘You good?’ He muttered.

Sirius nodded, and slowly, so slowly, managed to raise his hands. Holding them out to Moody.

‘Do it.’

The next hour was mostly cold, horrifying blur to Sirius. The shackles had been taken off at the Ministry once he was handed back to the Dementors. They seemed incredibly pleased to see him, and he had almost blacked out as they closed around him.

Lyall had stayed with him. An impartial observer. It was his steady honey brown gaze that Sirius clung to as they fed him potion after potion. Veritaserum he knew of old, the haziness it brought did not bother him. He had thought his powers were barely beginning to return, but it took three doses of the Power Suppression Potion before they were happy. The Auror under Moody’s watch administering them seemed to be hovering on the idea of a fourth when Lyall waved his wand for a diagnostic charm.

‘That’s enough. Anymore and you risk permanent damage.’

Moody gave the nod and they moved on.

The Auror pressed his wand to Sirius’ temple, demanding he surrender his memories of Halloween, of the decision to make Peter Secret Keeper, of the battle at Marlene’s flat. Sirius let them flow, no longer trying to stop the shudders that ripped through his body. He felt sick, exhausted and his teeth chattered in the cold and the lack of magic.

‘What else lad?’

Sirius shook his head, shaking hard now, ‘I… am… innocent.’

The chair in the courtroom chained him in place, but at least the Dementors left.

Sirius wanted to pull his knees up to his chest, curl in on himself. But he was a Black. No, _fuck that_ , he was Sirius ‘Padfoot’ Black. He forced himself to sit straight in the chair, feet flat on the floor and dragged his eyes up the banked seats to meet with those of Amelia Bones. He remembered her, a Ravenclaw a few years above them. He knew Edgar better of course. Before.

She held his gaze, she looked calm.

‘Sirius Orion Black, this court has been convened to hear your appeal against your sentence of life imprisonment in Azkaban – ‘

He shook his head, interrupting, ‘I am contesting my conviction, not just my internment.’ How he kept the tremor from his voice even he did not know. Years of Black Family training probably. ‘I am innocent.’

Bones nodded, ‘Yes. Of course.’ She gestured to the Wizengamot seated around her, ‘We have had the chance to view your memories.’

Sirius forced his eyes to stay fixed on her. Even then, his hazy, swimming, peripheral vision supplied the role-call of family glaring down at him. Lucius Malfoy, he’d some how escaped Azkaban; Ignatius Prewett, he wasn’t so bad at least; Uncle Cygnus, towards the back and stifling a cough in a dark green handkerchief. He couldn’t avoid seeing the men sitting on either side of Bones though. He met Dumbledore’s eyes, because the alternative was his Grandfather.

‘Professor Dumbledore is here to assess your answers for truthfulness. He will be using Legilimency.’

Sirius bit down hard on his cheek to keep from laughing. He forced himself to nod, ‘I understand. And give my consent.’

There was muttering from the gallery. Sirius had no legal right to withhold consent, just as he had no legal right to trial to begin with. He didn’t care.

‘This court calls Mr. Black’s first witness, James Charlus Potter.’

James walked smoothly into the court. He strode across the sunken floor and stood, firmly at Sirius side.

‘You are James Charlus Potter, twenty-one, most recently of Godric’s Hollow?’

‘I am.’

‘And you are one of the emergency trained Aurors in the Department of Magical Law Enforcement?’

James nodded, ‘I was. Until a few months ago when my family had to go into hiding to escape Voldemort.’ They didn’t like that either, James spoke over the muttering, ‘It is my intention to return to the Ministry once my family is safe and our homes rebuilt.’

Bones tilted her head in surprise, ‘Homes? This court was under the impression only the cottage in Godric’s Hollow was damaged?’

‘The Ministry did a fairly impressive job of turning over Mr Black’s flat. He is part of my family.’

‘Your sentiment does you credit Mr. Potter, if indeed it is the case that Mr. Black feels the same way about you and did not commit the crimes he is currently considered guilty of.’

James gave a curt nod, ‘It is the case, Madame Bones. I am here today to give my testimony that Sirius Black was not my family’s Secret Keeper. This is the absolute truth. Even if Sirius had betrayed us, which I do not believe, it would have been impossible for him to give away our location.’

Bones made a note on the parchment before her, ‘You statement appears to be parallel with the memories taken from Mr. Black today. However, it has been suggested that Mr. Black may have manipulated your memories to line up with his account.’

‘I haven’t seen Sirius before today since the autumnal equinox, he stayed at the house in Godric’s Hollow from the 22nd to the 24th.’

‘And have you been alone with him at any point?’

Sirius fought the urge to roll his eyes, shift, make a biting comment.

‘Yes. I helped Sirius get dressed this morning. My wand was downstairs with my wife, and Sirius has none of his own.’ James gestured towards the far side of the gallery, ‘Chief Auror Alastor Moody was present in the house, along with my wife, son, and the Lupin family. Mr Lyall Lupin has been supervising Sirius since his release from Azkaban.’

Bones made another note, ‘Mr. Black also has been convicted of the murders of the McKinnon family and of Peter Pettigrew. Do you have any evidence to present on these matters Mr. Potter?’

‘Yes. I was the first DLE officer into the McKinnon flat. I can absolutely testify to the fact that Sirius did not lay a finger on any of them.’

She waved for him to go on.

‘I reported this at the time, it was my last mission before we went at the time. When I arrived, Remus Lupin was attempting healing magic on Marlene’s cousin, the six-year-old Emma McKinnon. Sirius was in the bedroom. The Death Eaters had taken Marlene and her partner, a muggle, in there before torturing and killing them. The blood on the floor and bed was already starting to congeal. The bodies were cold. There was no way Sirius had chance to do anything in the moments before we arrived.’ James was staring straight ahead, repeating a report that Sirius knew he would never forget, ‘Sirius was holding what was left of Marlene, he was distraught.’

‘That could have been an act?’

Sirius froze.

‘No. Sorry, but anyone who thinks he can feign that has never met Sirius.’ James shook his head, ‘The distress was genuine. Marlene was one of Sirius’ best friends. He set her up with her Muggle partner in the first place.’

Sirius fought the smirk, _if helping her pick out the prettiest bi girl in the gay club was setting them up_.

‘And Mr. Pettigrew?’

James cleared his throat, ‘We chose Peter Pettigrew as our Secret Keeper. If anyone betrayed my family, it was him.’

‘Please answer the question Mr. Potter.’

‘I was unconscious, after Voldemort’s attack. I have no personal evidence of Sirius’ whereabouts.’

‘Thank you, Mr. Potter, that is all.’

James reached out and squeezed Sirius’ shoulder. Sirius turned to face him and nodded. He almost wished James hadn’t done it. But he supposed it looked good.

‘Do you have anything to add, Mr. Black?’

‘Yes.’ Sirius straightened again, ‘I had nothing to do with whatever may or may not have happened to Peter Pettigrew,’ He had to stop to clear his throat, his voice weakening. He was so tired, ‘I went to Peter’s to check on him, as arranged. You know, because he was our friend, part of our family,’ He blinked, trying to keep on track, to stay civil, ‘Peter wasn’t there. I knew something was wrong, so I went straight to the Potter’s – ‘

‘It is my understanding you arrived in Godric’s Hollow on a motorbike?’

Sirius nodded, ‘Yes. My bike. When I –’

‘Why was that?’

‘What? Why is that relevant?’ Sirius could hear the frustration in his tone. It sounded entitled, haughty. Not what he should be doing.

‘I simply wondered why you did not Apparate. The Ministry has a record of your obtaining a Licence to Apparate in April 1977?’

Sirius swallowed, ‘I don’t like to Apparate.’

‘And why is that? Surely if you were worried about your friends you would have wanted to get there as soon as possible?’

‘I did. I had a bad experience with Apparition as a child, I avoid it were possible. Especially when I am distressed or otherwise emotional.’ He finally met Pollux’s eyes, ‘The Mr. Black beside you can confirm this.’

She barely glanced his way, and Pollux nodded. Another note was added to the parchment.

‘And when you arrived at Godric’s Hollow?’

‘Voldemort had already been. The house was destroyed. I ran past James, I saw him but didn’t stop. I am not the best healer. In the nursery,’ he stopped himself to explain, ‘I knew it was the nursery because I saw the wallpaper on the rubble.’ Bones nodded again, ‘I grabbed Harry, he was screaming. The Hagrid arrived, and I checked Lily. She was still breathing so I floated her down to wait for the healers with James. I Apparated us.’

‘But a moment a go you said...?’ She let her voice trail away meaningfully.

‘Harry was injured, I needed to get him to hospital as fast as possible, and I didn’t want to be away from Lily and James.’ He shook his head, ‘And it was that or hand Harry over to someone else, and drive for at least an hour.’

‘Go on.’

‘I was in St. Mungo’s with all three Potters until I was arrested by Auror Moody. That was the last I saw any of them until this morning. I did not go after Peter, I did not attack the McKinnons, I did _not_ go over to Voldemort’s side. I am innocent.’

He couldn’t suppress the shudder that time. The edges of his vision were swirling, cloudy and black.

‘The Wizengamot will recess to discuss the evidence presented, and to receive Professor Albus Dumbledore’s report.’ Bones looked down at Sirius, ‘The prisoner will remain here, under the guard of Aurors. Not the Dementors.’

It wasn’t until his grandfather stood and turned away that Sirius let himself slump back against the hard chair. His sight fading as a flash of red, and a darker, taller shape ran across the floor towards him.

Everything went dark.


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter Fifteen

Lily pulled Orion's wand from her pocket as she crouched next to the manacled Sirius. She could feel Remus towering over her from behind and allowed herself a single glance back to where they had been seated, Lyall was standing in the gallery, holding Harry.

She took Sirius' wrist, feeling for his pulse and counted silently, then shook her head, 'This is doing him no favours.' She glanced up at Remus, 'He's just passed out, but we need this to be over, and soon.'

'Can you bring him 'round?' Remus waved James back over.

Lily nodded, ' _Rennervate_.'

Sirius blinked, frowning at her. His normally clever eyes dulled to a cloudy grey.

'Sirius, can you hear me?' She asked softly.

He blinked at her, ' _Que fais-tu avec la baguette de mon Père?_ '

Remus crouched down then, frowning, ' _Sirius, mon cher, comprenez vous?_ '

Lily looked up at him, 'French?'

Remus nodded, and Sirius turned to look at him, ' _Oui. Bien s_ _û_ _r._ '

' _Parler en anglaise_.'

Sirius shook his head, his eyes were still far away and cloudy.

'What are you saying?' Lily resisted the urge to grab Sirius' hand.

'I asked if he could understand me and told him to speak English. _Maintenant, Sirius.'_ This last Remus directed at Sirius in a tone so firm it made Lily jump.

' _R_ _émy? Où sommes-nous?_ '

'No. _En anglaise_.' Remus was snapping now, and Lily curled her fingers into his jumper.

'Remus.'

He shook her off.

'Sirius. We are at the Ministry, I need you to focus. I need English.'

'That is pointless.' A voice like ice cut across the floor. Lily spun in her crouch and Remus' took a firm grip on Sirius' arm. Pollux Black leant on cedar walking stick, his wand safely concealed within Sirius had told them once. 'Move aside Mrs. Potter.'

'Not a chance.' Lily stood, her voice calm and sure.

'My Grandson has more than a touch of his mother's… malady to him. I know how to deal with this behaviour.'

'I am a healer.' She insisted, 'I have no reason to let you near him.'

Pollux smiled, 'They are returning. This,' He gestured to Sirius, head hanging, eyes distant, 'Will not help his case.'

'If you harm him, we will destroy you.' Remus voice was low. He took Lily's arm and stepped neatly to the side.

Pollux strode across the floor and stood over his grandson. He would be shorter than Sirius, maybe James' height. James was watching, arms folded across his chest from where he stood with Lyall.

' _Yassas Sirius, kalimera._ '

Remus frowned but didn't move. Lily had no idea what Pollux was saying now, in one of Sirius' many, many languages. He spoke, at length and quietly.

Slowly Sirius head came up, 'You must be fucking joking.' He rasped.

Pollux laughed, but without much mirth, 'I shall leave it with you Sirius. The wheels are in motion, and we will await your owl.' He nodded to Lily, and to Remus, 'You may continue. Though, Mrs. Potter, I would not recommend using my son-in-law's wand again in this place. Many here would recognise it.' He swept back to the raised seats, the tip of his walking stick clicking on the floor.

Lily knelt on the marble floor next to Sirius again, 'Hey.'

His eyes were still smoke to their usual starlight, but he smiled, 'Hello.'

'How do you feel?'

'As though I've been run over by a herd of Abraxans.' He tried to lift a hand to rub his face and was stopped short by the chains.

'What did your – _he_ say?'

'It is unimportant now. They're returning.' He nodded to the door above, the robed figures of the Wizengamot were filing through them.

Amelia Bones looked down at them, 'Mrs. Potter, Mr. Lupin, will you please take your seats.'

Lily stood again, on the other side of the chair to Remus, 'No, I'm sorry but I can't.'

'And why would that be?'

'I am a trained healer.' Lily stared her down, 'I believe Sirius' health is at risk.'

'Very well.' Amelia glanced down at her papers, 'It is my understanding that you have quite the list of character witnesses to call, Mr. Black?'

Sirius pushed himself back up, spine ramrod straight, forcing some of the glassiness from his eye by what appeared to be sheer willpower.

'Yes. Beginning with the Aurors Gideon and Fabian Prewett.'

'And after them?'

Sirius' eyes fluttered closed for a moment, Lily could almost feel him swaying on the edge of consciousness. She spoke up, 'After them the list includes myself, Lyall Lupin, Dorcus Meadowes, Benjy Fenwick, Caradoc Dearborn, Emmaline Vance, Minerva McGonagall. It would have also included Frank and Alice Longbottom had they been in a fit state to give evidence, but we are informed that is not the case.'

'I see. Thank you, Mrs. Potter.' Amelia paused for a moment, and then nodded to herself. 'It is my belief that all physical evidence points to Sirius Black having fought against He Who Must Not Be Named. I do not, however, feel that enough physical evidence has been provided to prove his innocence of the charges he has been found guilty of.'

Angry disagreements flowed from the witness seating, and Amelia was forced to bang her gavel to regain silence. Lily felt hot all over and didn't dare look at Remus, or Sirius or even James. Fury coursed through her.

'However,' Amelia tried again, 'However, it is my opinion that no evidence to prove his guilt has been, or has ever been presented, and this court does not convict based on blood.'

Lily blinked, not sure if she had heard what thought she had.

'As such, it is the decision of the Wizengamot that Sirius Orion Black, on this day, Friday the 19th March 1982, be released from Azkaban prison and acquitted of the charges laid against him. With the proviso that he submits to the wearing of Admonitors for a full year, followed by a review at the end of this period.' She fixed Sirius with a look, and Lily saw Remus dig his fingers into Sirius' shoulder out of the corner of her eye, 'Do you agree to this condition, Mr. Black?'

'I do.' He croaked.

Madam Bones smiled, 'So be it. Congratulations Mr. Black, you are a free man.'

As she spoke, the silver chains fell free of Sirius arms, and applause erupted from their friends.

* * *

Remus' fingers had very nearly found bone in Sirius' shoulder, when he slowly lifted his hand to pull them to his lips. Sirius didn't care that the Wizengamot were still in the room, gathering their things and chatting. He didn't care Pollux, or Dumbledore or any of them were still watching. It didn't matter.

All that mattered was – _ooft_!

James collided with him. Sirius hadn't even managed to stand yet. 'We did it!'

'Don't know what you were worrying about Prongs.' He managed to gasp.

Lily dragged James off of him, 'Go and get us squared away with Moody.' She gave him a little push towards the slightly pleased looking old Auror. James strode off. 'We need to get this done as fast as possible. Remus?'

Remus hadn't moved, his eyes were fixed on Sirius' fingers entwined with his.

He squeezed Remus' hand, 'Moon? Red is talking.'

Remus' head snapped up, 'Yes? Sorry.'

'I said we need to move quickly.' She smiled at Sirius, 'You gave me quite the scare, and I'm not happy with how pale you are.'

Remus nodded, 'Let's get moving then. They can sort everything out upstairs. There's no need to wait here.'

He stepped in front of Sirius, 'Can you stand?'

He nodded, not loosening his grip on their tangled fingers, and using his other arm to lever up. 'Stand, yes. Walking, I am not certain.'

Remus' arm around his waist felt like absolute heaven, even though his head was spinning, and the floor felt like walking on marshmallow. Lily and James went first, Lily carrying Harry again. Lyall was somewhere behind them, talking with the Prewetts. Sirius turned, pressing his face into Remus' neck, his lips to the soft place at the corner of his jaw. He let them brush against his skin as he whispered, 'Can we go home, after this?'

'That's the plan Pads.' Remus replied quietly.

'No. I want you to come home, to the flat, with me. Together.'

The eight of them – nine, including Harry – got into the lift together, and once the grill had shut Remus pulled Sirius against him, as they stood in the back corner. Everyone else was _incredibly busy_ talking amongst themselves.

'You're sure?'

Sirius stared up into his amber eyes, ' _Absolumont_ , if you'll have me.'

Remus cupped the back of Sirius head in one hand, just under the messy bun that had been the best they could do with his hair that morning, and leant in. His lips were warm and soft, and his tongue flicked lightly over Sirius' lips to gain entrance. Sirius parted his lips, fighting back a moan of pleasure at the lightning flashes it sent through him, the delight that curled into the pit of his stomach like a contented cat. Remus pulled back enough to breath the best word in any languages Sirius had ever heard.

'Yes.'

In the DLE office, Sirius leant against Remus' chest, their fingers tangled together where Remus' arms wrapped around his chest. Sirius wondered, idly, if it was obvious to see Remus was holding him upright. Or if no one was willing to look closely enough at them.

Finally, Mad-Eye stomped into view, 'Right, Black c'mere and we'll get these on ye.'

He was carrying a wooden box, and behind him came a trainee Auror, Sirius' exhausted mind produced the family name Shacklebolt, but his given name was gone for now. Even though they had been at Hogwarts together for… an amount of years.

Unwillingly he stepped away from the shelter of Remus' arms and crossed the few steps to Mad-Eye.

'How's the head?'

Sirius smirked, 'Fantastic, ta.' He held out his wrists, 'Be gentle with me Mad-Eye.'

'Ach, away wi' ye.' The Admonitors were, Sirius was relieved to see, pewter. One snapped on to each wrist. 'These'll no effect yer magic, but the Ministry will know exactly what magic you perform and when. Do you understand?'

'Yes, I understand.'

Sirius moved back and felt himself sway, 'What's in the boxes Shacklebolt?' He managed.

The young man laid two metal file boxes on the desk, one twice as wide as the other. With a tap of his wand, each opened.

Sirius ignored the way the room span, darting forward and snatching his wand from the slim box. He cradled it against his chest as though it was a living thing. The warm of it cascaded along its length and through his shirt. The runes along its length glowed and for a moment he could breathe easier.

James reclaimed his and Lily's wands, and Sirius saw the shock register on everyone's faces as he turned to Lily with his hand out.

'You have something that belongs to me.' Even his voice sounded stronger with his wand back in his hand.

Lily frowned, and then realisation hit. She reached into the coat – Marlene's coat, he remembered – and produced the cherry wand.

'I'm sorry Sirius, I needed a wand and – '

He held up a hand to stop her, taking the blasted thing and tucking it easily into the inside pocket of his jacket. He could feel it there, like a melting block of ice, slowly warming to match him.

'I'm glad it was of use.' He turned to James and Lyall, 'Let's go back to Soho. It's closest, and we could all do with a stop.' He raised an eyebrow at Remus, 'Don't you think?'

'Yes, come to ours.'

Lily smiled, 'Oh you two.'

Remus put his arm around Sirius, 'Don't. Let's just… go.'

* * *

It turned out Lily and James had done more than stop by to pick up Sirius' suit. When they stepped through the front door Remus was shocked to see everything had been repaired and righted.

As soon as Sirius was across the threshold the sleek, silver SL-1200 MK2 turntable started to spin. It was really Sirius' hi-fi, even if he insisted the tape deck was for Remus. The feedback clicks of the needle touching vinal gave way to the instantly recognisable tones of Freddy Mercury and John Deacon playing the base line of… oh gods.

' _Don't do it don't you try it baby_

_Don't do that don't don't don't_

_Don't do that_

_You got a good thing going now_ '

Sirius had been listening to Don't Try Suicide the last time he was home. Sirius flicked a hand rapidly towards the hi-fi. Nothing happened. Remus did it himself, a wave of his hand removed the needle and the record put itself away.

Sirius shot him a grateful look and toppled gently over the arm of the sofa. Lily casually deposited Harry on his Godfather's stomach and took herself off to the kitchen.

Remus hovered, torn between being a good host and staying with Sirius. Lily fixed him a look across the tiny breakfast bar come partition between the microscopic kitchen and the lounge, 'Why don't you give your Dad the tour?'

Turning, Remus saw that James was sitting with Sirius and Harry, and his father was indeed standing in the lounge doorway looking a little out of place.

'Tour?'

Remus nodded, 'Yes. Go back the way we came, and I'll show you the rest.'

As he followed him back down the hallway, he heard Lily exclaim, 'Sirius! Why the _fuck_ is the coffee in the tea jar, the tea in the sugar jar and the sugar in the coffee jar?!'

Remus smiled at the look Lyall threw him, and called back, 'Fizz where it always is Pads?'

James replied, 'He says yes.'

Remus diverted into their little bathroom and opened the frosted glass window. Outside was a small overhang, made by the mossy tiles of the roof next door that was lower than theirs. The flat bit of roof between the two never got any sun, and so in winter was a great place for storing alcohol. Remus pulled in two, ten-year-old bottles of Moët. He passed them to his father.

Lyall raised an eyebrow, 'So. Ye'll be well kept then?'

'Hush Tad.' Remus smiled, 'You're still alright with this?'

Lyall waved him on, 'Best continue the tour.'

He nodded and led the way to Sirius' – their – bedroom. Lily had fixed his duvet, it was in his favourite night blue cover, and folded neatly at the foot of the bed. The bed was made with the quilt she had made, and soft pillowcases. Remus rubbed his thumb over the border, Lily had stolen Sirius' sketches for the map and used his designs in it.

Lyall cleared his throat, and spoke softly, 'I've no right to an opinion on who you love, Remus. And I knew from the first time ye told us, that night he ran from his family, that you would love him all your days. As I loved Hope.' He smiled, 'And I ken that Sirius would tear the world and all the stars down for you. If you are happy, I am glad.'

Remus hugged him. Tight and hard and swallowed the lump in his throat.

Back in the lounge, James had got the fire lit, and Lily was rummaging under the sink. Remus took the bottles back from his father and went to join her.

'What are you looking for?'

'Potion's kit.' She muttered.

Remus turned and pulled the heavy wooden chest from on top of the high cabinets. He cleared his throat.

Lily climbed back out and nodded, 'I recognise this.'

'Sirius' from school.' Remus nodded, 'A Black family artifact.'

She opened it and fingered through the bundles of herbs and little bottles of decoctions.

'Do you have everything?'

Lily nodded, 'Yes, for tonight. Now, get that fizz opened and I'll get some of this on the go.'

A cheer went up as Remus popped the first cork, and he poured them each a measure into the Murano glass flutes he had found in Portobello when he first moved in, as a present to Sirius and the flat. It seemed fitting.

Sirius insisted on feeding Harry a sip of champagne, the bubbles went up his nose and made him – and everyone – giggle. James and Lily scored lunch from the Chinese downstairs, much to Lyall's delight, and Remus insisted he took the armchair next to the fire. After they ate, Lily curled under James' arm, and Sirius' head was in James' lap. Remus sat on the floor and sighed. He leant his head back against Sirius' leg and let the happy chatter of his family wash over him. For today, at least, he could stand down.

James shifted slightly on the sofa, disturbing Sirius and thus Remus too, he cleared his throat awkwardly, 'We need to tell you something. Something about Harry.'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! How we all doing? Did you think our poor heroes were done and safe? Not a chance! Early update this week so I can started on planning the next section of this fic and get some more chapters sketched out for the prequal (PX390 found here: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25912960 ) Okay everyone, take care, stay safe, wear a mask.


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: Hello! How is everyone today? Quick content warning/spoiler for this one, Remus and Sirius are um... getting acquainted today. There's some pretty heavy petting/making out in Remus' POV, but if you don't want to read full on gay sex, maybe skip Sirius' POV today. Oh, also content warning for tobacco smoking, it's the 80s. People in the UK smoked. Still do tbh. Anyway, take care and please R&R. It really makes my day hear what y'all think. Love you all, take care out there!

**6th April 1982 - Soho, London**

The Potters had stayed the night, and Lyall had stayed a week. The converted loft space with its pull-out settee coming in more useful that Remus had ever imagined when Sirius had insisted on putting it all together years ago.

Sirius slept, almost constantly once the Potters left and so Remus had time to… readjust. After they had broken up, Remus had visited, even crashed at Sirius' Soho flat, but always on the sofa or upstairs, and only when drunk, injured or both. Even when they had lived together, in the back of his mind it had always been Sirius' flat. Now he had to come to terms with the legal fact that it was – and had been for years – his flat too.

Lily and James had done their best, and he couldn't be more grateful, but things were out of place still. It would appear the Aurors never managed to find the hidden entrance to loft conversion and so the vast majority of their "library", as Sirius called it, was untouched. Some kind soul, Lily most likely, had put the record collection back in alphabetical order. Remus hummed along to his favourites, played quietly on the turntable while he attempted to restore them to Sirius' completely eclectic system. He took his time, sipping Earl Grey and placing postal orders for new potion supplies. He ordered what Sirius needed, and only that, because he still couldn't face using Sirius' accounts for himself.

Lyall brought back food shopping, he seemed to know without asking that Remus wouldn't leave the flat while Sirius slept. On the last day, before he caught the train back to Wales – he liked the views – Lyall insisted that Remus take twenty galleons from the Lupin vault and fully stock them up. He made Remus keep the change too.

After the Equinox, Sirius was less pale. He slept more soundly too. But still, it wasn't until almost three weeks after the trial that Remus woke to an empty space in the bed beside him.

His eyes snapped open and wolf senses leapt to panic. A sharp inhale brought kitchen smells to him, and he sat bolt upright. Coffee, bacon, toast.

Remus pushed his feet into his slippers and grabbed a thick jumper from the chair by the bed, shuffling through to the lounge.

Sirius stood in the kitchen, tea towel draped artistically over one shoulder. His hair was damp, the ends curling as they dried, and he'd cut almost all of it off. The front fell roguishly into his eyes, and Remus was instantly reminded of the last time Sirius had worn his hair so short. When he escaped his parents - an act of rebellion, he called it – but Remus knew it was because the bed rest had irreversibly matted the length.

Abbey Road spun on the turntable quietly, and Sirius sang softly along,

' _He come grooving up slowly_

_He got joo joo eyeball_

_He one holy roller_

_He got hair down to his knee_

_Got to be a joker he just do what he please_ – oh, morning Rem. Tea?'

'Ta.' Remus leant against the breakfast bar. 'How do you feel?'

Sirius glanced up from where he was turning the bacon, 'I'm good.'

Then he smirked and made a lazy gesture at the tea pot, which obediently poured Remus a cup which in turn floated to his right hand and nudged it gently.

'So I see.'

Sirius had dressed in clean pyjama bottoms, and his old Gryffindor Quidditch jersey, the knitted wool hanging looser than Remus remembered.

'I'm going to go up to town today.' Sirius plated the bacon and leant back against the worktop, sipping his coffee, and folding his arms. Waiting.

He didn't have to wait long, 'You are bloody not.' Remus growled into his tea.

'Yes, I am Remus. I need to speak to Gringotts about getting your key to my vault recut. And – ' He held up a hand to stop Remus interrupting, 'And about getting some work.'

'Sirius, you have no need to work yet.'

'Financial need, no. If I'm clever, neither of us actually need to work ever again, but I like my work.'

The Beatles had reached "Oh! Darling" as Remus frowned, 'What do you mean? I know he left you a fair bit but… not that much?'

Sirius sighed, 'I wanted to wait until after the moon to talk to you about this.'

He tapped his thigh with two slender fingers, and Remus rolled his eyes.

'I know it's tomorrow, you don't have to remind me.'

'Well apparently I do. I've spoken to Prongs, we can use the grounds at Kent.'

Remus slammed his mug down a lot more firmly than he had planned, 'You've been talking behind my back?' He demanded.

Sirius stepped away from the worktop, moving around the breakfast bar to stand next to him, the wolf noted that Sirius was not entirely steady on his feet yet.

'No love. I flooed him this morning to let them know I was up and about, and James asked if I knew what your plans were.' Sirius was quiet, calm and firm, 'I said I didn't and he mentioned that the wards he and I tried out at the manor were still up and strong and that we could all be together there.'

Remus pushed his hand through his hair, 'Sorry.'

'Nothing to apologise for. It's up to you, but I thought you might like the run.'

Sirius reached passed him to pick up his coffee, and Remus caught his wrist. Sirius let him raise his hand to his lips, turning it to kiss the palm.

'Bacon sandwich?'

Remus nodded and reluctantly released Sirius, carrying his tea back to the settee.

They had shared a bed since Remus brought him out of Azkaban, and now the wolf was rising again and they still hadn't… well, fucked. Remus would never push it, and Sirius had been so unwell. And Sirius was the one who insisted they live together again. Sirius who pressed his forehead against Remus' shoulder in his sleep, the shoulder with the heraldic tattoo Sirius had designed for him, combining Gryffindor and Ravenclaw because Remus wanted to honour his father and with woven daffodils, for Hope, and blackthorn because Sirius said no one had been through as harsh a winter as Remus and come out the other side so sweet.

And the wolf was awake and aware and wanted Sirius, and Remus wanted Sirius. And Sirius… was making him a bacon sandwich and putting off whatever new earth-shattering thing it was he needed to say.

Sirius brought the sandwiches – one for himself, two for Remus – and perched on the arm of the chair.

'I want to work, Rem. There's a hell of a lot of curse breaking going around now,' he waved at the morning's Prophet on the coffee table, 'And I'm the best there is. I'll start small, just pieces I can work on at home. I know I'm not up to …' He searched for the word, 'Spelunking around crypts and dungeons just now.'

'And what will you have me do, sit home and worry? Or hide in another room and hope you don't blow us up?' He deadpanned.

Sirius cackled, 'Exactly! I heard Lyall say you'd be kept well by me, I mean to live up to it.'

Remus shook his head, 'I will murder you and eat your corpse.' This, of course, made Sirius laugh harder. 'Honestly Sirius, what's your plan?'

'I don't know yet love, and that's the truth.' Sirius sipped more coffee, 'Well beyond picking up some tobacco on my way to Charing Cross.'

Remus groaned, 'You cannot walk through the streets to Diagon Alley.'

'Why not?'

'What if you are seen?' Remus waved at the paper, 'You realise your face was all over the paper for nearly two weeks?'

'Oh, the Purephet loves me, I've rarely been out of it in a decade.' Sirius shrugged.

What was worse was it was true. Sirius behaved like a Rockstar because he could. He had been the heir to one of the greatest Wizarding Houses in Britain, probably in the world. From the moment he was sorted into Gryffindor he had been newsworthy even above his status. Being disowned hadn't lessened his infamy, rather the opposite, and once he had started being seen around Muggle London – entirely on purpose – in the arms of gay men, Wizarding and Muggle alike, the press had eaten it up. The Order had used Sirius' status on more than one occasion as a distraction, and alibi and whatever else had been convenient. Remus felt his hackles rise, anger at Dumbledore's abandonment of Sirius flaring up again.

Sirius took his hand, kneeling on the floor in front of him, 'I really need the air Moons. But I can leave it another few days if you'd prefer?'

Remus smiled and shook his head, 'No. No, sorry, of course you should go out. You probably should be seen while you're at it. Prove you haven't disappeared.'

'Come with me?'

Remus rolled his eyes, breaking the tension, 'Only if you tone it down if there are cameras.'

'I'll do my level best.'

In the end Sirius was as good as he could be. He dressed subtly, in black drainpipes and the blue jumper he had stolen back from Remus. His trademark black leather jacket went over the top and Remus insisted on a scarf and gloves, even though it was April now.

The Turkish man in the newsagents on the corner beamed to see Sirius, handing over his cigarette bits and a box of matches. He wiggled his eyebrows at Remus, when he realised, they had come in together and said it was nice to see them both again.

Sirius was walking slowly, his normal confident, Londoner stride suffering from the Azkaban induced weakness that had taken its toll on every part of him. Though apparently, he hadn't lost the ability to roll a cigarette, making one swiftly with the liquorice papers he favoured. The first he offered to Remus, which he took, for nothing else than to have something to do with his hands.

They meandered across Chinatown, Remus happy to let Sirius take the lead. He couldn't help grinning when Sirius looped his arm through his, flicking ash with his other hand.

It wasn't until they stepped through the door of the Leaky Cauldron that anyone bothered them.

'Mr Black!' Sirius flinched, and looked up.

Tom the Innkeeper ran around from behind the bar and gave a little bow, 'It's so good to see you sir! I hope you know the Leaker Cauldron never believed it. Not one word I said.'

Sirius nodded, 'Thanks Tom.'

'Will you have a drink?' He looked from Sirius to Remus and back again.

'Maybe later.'

Remus subtly tightened his grip on Sirius, reassuringly and as they stepped out into the courtyard, he felt Sirius draw a shuddering breath.

'We can go home?' He said quietly.

Sirius shook his head, 'No. I really do need to go to the bank.' He pulled out his wand and tapped the bricks.

They made it as far as Quality Quidditch Supplies when the first camera flash went off. Remus tightened his grip on Sirius automatically, right hand shooting straight from his wand. The war had taken too much of a toll on them to not be defensive at bright lights and sound.

'Mr Black!' A witch with almost orange hair and a fuchsia pink flat cap bounced in front of them, 'Mr. Black what do you have to say about your recent stint in Azkaban? Will you be seeking compensation from the Ministry?'

Remus felt Sirius squeeze his arm gently, loosening their grip so he could drop his hand and interlace their fingers.

'Hello Ms. Hookum, how are you?'

Daisy Hookum, Ravenclaw a few years below them, Remus' internal Prefect reminded him. How did Sirius always remember.

She beamed at Sirius, 'Come on Black, a few comments? Rita's up at the Ministry and I could do with the scoop.'

He gave her a grin back, 'You mean my usual, 'no comment, not even if you kiss me' won't do?'

Daisy gestured for her photographer to take another shot of them and Sirius automatically covered the lens with the hand that wasn't holding Remus'.

'You know the rules, no shots of Mr. Lupin.' Sirius gave the man a stern look to match the slightly chilly turn of his voice, 'Daisy, take this down. I'm back and intend on staying in London for the foreseeable. At this time, I have no interested in pursuing the Ministry or appearing in front of the Wizengamot again.' He gave her a cheeky wink, 'For now.'

'So, you're definitely innocent.'

'Of everything they accused me of, sure.' He smirked and she laughed.

'Will you be back to work Mr. Black?'

'That's the plan.'

'What about Azkaban? You're the first High Security Prisoner to ever leave, how does it feel being out in the world.'

Sirius' grip on Remus' hand was painful now, but Remus ignored it. Whatever Sirius needed right now he would get.

'I'm glad to be getting on with my life, in private for the time being.' Sirius stepped to the side to pass the reporter, 'You can consider that an exclusive, Daisy. I won't be giving any more interviews on the matter. I need some time with my close friends and family for us all to recover.'

He tugged Remus past before she got off her parting blow, 'Do you have any comment on the Potters?'

'Yes. Bugger off and leave them alone.' Sirius shouted back over his shoulder and sped up.

As soon as the crowd hid them from view Remus pulled into a tiny side road at the mouth of Horizont Alley. The building on either side leant so close there wasn't room for them to stand shoulder to shoulder, so Remus pushed Sirius in first and followed him.

'Remus?' Sirius turned and peered at him, 'Are you alright?'

'Me? I'm worried about you.' Remus said, exasperated.

'I'll live.' Sirius took a small step closer, pressing his wand hand to Remus' chest.

It was in moments like this Remus was really aware of his height, as Sirius looked up into his face.

'We should have waited.'

'No.' Remus shook his head, 'No. You wanted to some out.'

'My wants don't outrank your needs.' Sirius' voice had almost completely healed, and he pitched it low and soft, 'So tell me what you need _R_ _é_ _my_?'

Remus rubbed his face, 'Don't start with the bloody French.'

' _Pourquoi_?' There was a wicked glint in Sirius' eye that tormented Remus in all the wrong ways.

He wasn't aware of the decision to move. He slammed Sirius against the alley wall, knee pushing between his legs, hands pressed to the brick on either side of Sirius' head.

'Because it drives me mad.' He growled. Suddenly aware of himself, Remus shook his head, pulling away and covering his face with his hands, 'Fuck, Sirius I'm sorry.'

Sirius' hand caught the edge of his old tweed jacket, tugging hard.

Remus resisted until it seemed childish, one hand still scrubbing at his forehead as he was dragged inexorably back to the wall. He felt Sirius' long fingers curl around his other wrist, lifting his hand up towards the black-haired man's face.

Remus opened his eyes in shock as Sirius' tongue swirled around his index finger, sucking it into his mouth in a way that make Remus' knees melt.

'Siri – _fuck_.' Was it poor taste to admit, even to himself, that he had dreamt of that tongue.

Sirius' spare hand snaked out, catching Remus' hip, and urging him forward until they were pressed together against the wall. His bright silver eyes watching Remus, half amused, half… was that concern.

Remus pressed his hand against Sirius' chest, to get his attention, retrieving his fingers from Sirius' mouth while he was at it.

'We're in public.'

'That has _never_ stopped me.' Sirius pressed forward against the strain in Remus' jeans, 'And doesn't seem to be putting you off.'

Remus shook his head, 'I'm not fucking you here.' He hissed, hating each word as they fell from his mouth.

'But you want to?'

Remus' head snapped up at the question in Sirius voice, 'What?'

'What, what?'

'Did you really just ask if I want you?' Remus was shocked.

'Yes.' Sirius said flatly, 'Because it's been nineteen months since I drove you out of my life and my bed. Because I look and feel like hell. Because we are both shockingly bad at talking about our feelings, and because we're the least public, public relationship I've ever had.'

Remus was fully aware of what he was doing this time, pressing the full length of his body against Sirius, and kissing him. Sirius' lips parted obligingly for his tongue, but it was no weak submission, his hands were under Remus' shirt and his tongue fought back, invading Remus' mouth in return as though each wizard were determined to claim the other for his own.

Remus broke off to chase kisses along Sirius' jaw, smooth from shaving that morning. Sirius arched against him muttering obscenities in French that only served to make Remus suck and nibble at the sensitive skin under his ear all the harder.

'Remus… _baise-moi_ …' Sirius moaned, and Remus knew it was on purpose, but he really didn't care.

He bit down, knowing fine and well it would mark but the sound Sirius made was worth it, the way his hands tangled in his hair was worth it.

Remus gathered the last of his self-control and stepped back, extricating himself from Sirius' grasp.

'You fucking tease.' Sirius grinned, his lips swollen, eyes wide.

'I thought you wanted to go to the bank?'

Sirius held out his hand, 'Come on then, before I bloody strip and beg you.'

The goblins at Gringotts were, as always, polite. Not a glance or mention of the massive love bite over Sirius' Azkaban number on his neck, or their dishevelled state.

Remus was made to sign three separate documents before Sirius could force the tiny golden key into his pocket, with a hiss to stop being difficult. Sirius took out an obscene – to Remus – amount of gold and was just turning to get back into the cart when the goblin that took them down to vault stopped him.

'Mr. Black, there is the matter of the new stipend?'

Sirius glowered, so imperiously it was like time travelling back to when he was still a child and had the power of House Black behind him, 'What of it?'

'It was whether you wanted it sent to this vault or to the vault that previously belonged to Mr. Alphard Black?'

Sirius scrubbed at his face, 'Send it to Alphard's for now. I want it kept separately and a running total kept in a new ledger.' A tiny cough from Remus reminded him of his manners, 'Please.'

'As you wish sir.'

They climbed back into the cart and Remus mouthed _'New stipend?'_ at him. Sirius shook his head with a look that plainly said not now.

Back outside in the spring sun, Sirius linked arms with Remus again, 'Can you just apparate us, please?'

'Are –' He saw the look on Sirius' face, 'Sure, Pads.'

* * *

As soon as Sirius' feet touched the floor in the flat, he spun in front of Remus, hands reaching for Remus' belt.

'Sirius…' Remus tried to say something, probably something sensible, so Sirius leant up the few inches between them and kissed him silent and starting in on Remus' fly. It wasn't much longer before he was rewarded with Remus' fingers digging bruisingly into his bum and moaning into his mouth.

Sirius broke the kiss, catching Remus' eye, 'Do you want...?'

There was a point when they hadn't needed words to check on each other, but today Sirius wouldn't take a single chance. This had to be right, there wouldn't be any space for regret in the morning.

Remus growled, pushing up again into Sirius' hand and Sirius pulled his hand away. There was way too much gold in Remus' eyes, and this would not be the wolf's moment.

'Remus.' Sirius waited while Remus took another shuddering breath and then nodded, 'We can stop.'

Remus turned back to him and the tearing distress in his eyes made Sirius wish he hadn't said anything, 'I shouldn't be pushing you.'

Sirius rolled his eyes and deliberately put himself in the werewolf's space, 'You aren't, I swear to Merlin, Rem.' He reached a hand up to tangle in Remus' curls, 'I want you in every possible way. I want _you_.'

Remus slowly took hold of him again, bending his head to capture Sirius' lips with his own and Sirius felt his heart thrum. He kissed Remus back, curling his fingers in the nape of Remus' neck unthinkingly. He was the only person Remus had ever allowed to touch him there, the wolf hating it from anyone else.

Remus growled possessively and bit down on Sirius' lip. But it was Remus, Sirius could always hear the difference. He tugged Remus' jacket off, his own following it as Remus pulled at Sirius' jumper.

Sirius stepped back neatly, dragging it over his head and cocking his head, 'Bedroom?'

'Yes.'

Their boxers survived the last few feet to the bed, but not much else, and Sirius shuddered as Remus' hands explored his skin. He let Remus press him to bed, relishing the feeling of his fingers scraping down his stomach. He arched up to capture his lips in another breath stealing kiss. Sirius could feel how hard Remus was, pressing into the crease of his hip and had to resist bucking up against him when Remus' hand found its way below the waistband of his boxers.

It was Remus who paused now, pulling back supporting his weight on one arm, 'Sirius?'

Sirius resisted the urge to squirm, 'Mmm?'

'Do you want this?'

He snapped his eyes open, breathing the word, 'Yes.'

Remus' fingers curled around Sirius' cock, moving with agonising slowness and that dastardly fast flick of the wrist at the top that made sparks fly behind Sirius' eyes.

The muscles in the pit of Sirius' stomach were tightening already and he panted, 'Rem… I'm – you have to stop. I won't last.'

Remus chuckled, 'I won't take it as an insult. Quite the opposite.'

Sirius laughed, 'Glad to… to hear it.'

When he felt Remus lean back, he knew exactly what was about to happen and raised himself on his elbows enough to watch those lips, his favourite pair in the world, close around the head of his cock, 'Ye gods Rem…'

Apparently Remus had lost none of his style, taking Sirius all the way down in one smooth movement, and pulling all the way back to swirl his tongue around the head in a delicious mockery of what Sirius had done with his fingers in the alleyway. Sirius' arms gave out in moments, as he fought not to thrust up into Remus' mouth. Remus' hand snaked up to catch Sirius', tangling their fingers on the quilt as Sirius arched.

He came, hard – could he even remember the last time? Probably not – in Remus' mouth. The werewolf swallowed and kissed his way back up Sirius' chest with a chuckle.

Sirius blinked up at him, layering kisses across Remus' cheek and jaw before turning onto his front smoothly, pressing up his scarred back into Remus' equally scarred chest.

'Do not even attempt to ask my permission.' Sirius growled, turning his head to kiss Remus' arm, wrist, fingers.

'Don't worry, I believe you.'

Remus muttered the required spell, though it had been years since either of them had needed the words or their wands for it.

Sirius groaned, pushing back against Remus' hand as he inserted a slick finger into his arse, 'More, Moony, c'mon.'

'No.' The firmness of Moony's voice was an even bigger turn on and Sirius was not overly surprised to feel his cock twitch in response, 'You are so damn tight Padfoot.'

'I. Don't. Care.' Sirius punctuated each word with a small thrust backwards.

'I do. And if you don't want me to stop right now you will _behave_.'

Sirius didn't even try to stop the Padfoot like whimper in the back of his throat. It was a rare occurrence that Remus was ever quite so strict, but Sirius lay perfectly still as his finger moved torturously slowly inside him. When a second was added Remus twisted them in a way that hit the place inside that made Sirius eyes cross. He swore, half muffled in the pillow, ' _Baise-moi, baise-moi, baise-moi_.' Fuck me, over and over again.

'Mmm, good.' Remus pushed a third finger into him in reward for staying still, and Sirius clenched down desperately. He was definitely hard again.

'Can you relax?' Remus sounded amused and Sirius sucked in an unsteady breath.

'Yes.'

Remus' fingers massaged a circle over his prostate, kneeling up so he could grasp Sirius' balls with the other hand, 'Are you sure?'

He chuckled when Sirius gasped.

'Rem…' Sirius turned his head to look back at Remus, he knew his own limits. Remus was at no risk of physically hurting him, especially not with lube. Sirius wasn't quite ready to fully surrender though.

Remus released his balls and leant back over him, covering him again with his body, and the domination had left his voice when he asked, one last time, 'Do you want me to stop?'

'No. I want your cock in me.' Sirius pushed back, impaling himself further on Remus' fingers, 'Now, please.'

He couldn't help the whimper of lose when Remus removed his fingers. Or the gasp as the head of his cock replaced them. Remus was careful, and Sirius was always grateful in the end, he was huge. He waited, patiently, even through Sirius could actually feel his cock throbbing.

Sirius nodded and forced himself to relax again as Remus started to move. It hurt, a little. Remus was right, months of celibacy had had an impact. But it also felt amazing.

Remus adjusted his angle and wrapped a hand under Sirius' chest to pull him up, holding them together even as he started to lose control.

Sirius pushed back, twisting slightly to run teeth, tongue, and lips along Remus' neck. He relished the sound Remus made, half growl half moan, moaning low himself as Remus hand wrapped around his cock, tugging fast and in time with his thrusts into Sirius arse.

'Tell me when.' Remus murmured in his ear, 'Together.'

Sirius nodded. Normally a second time would take him a while, but not today. Not with Remus so _damn_ deep in him. He reached behind them, gripping Remus' arse and pulling him deeper, meeting each thrust, 'Ready?'

'Gods, Sirius. Now, now please.'

'Now.'

They fell, still entangled, into the sheets.


	17. Chapter 17

Lily was, in theory, making breakfast. Of course, the boys were all still in bed – apart from Harry who was happily chatting away to a stuffed niffler of James’ in his playpen – and she was actually staring out of one of the wide, lead lined kitchen windows.

Which meant she nearly dropped her empty mug when a voice from the doorway surprised her.

‘ _Bonjour mon petit, comment_ _ç_ _a v_ _a_?’

Harry, delighted, babbled back.

‘Padfoot.’ Lily gave him a look, ‘I will get you a collar with a bell if you keep sneaking around.’

Sirius threw his head back and barked a laugh, ‘I have one! Don’t you remember?’

She groaned, ‘Oh God… yes, you used to wear it in the common room to weird everyone out.’

He smiled and came into the kitchen proper, bending a little delicately to drop a kiss on Harry’s head as he passed, ‘No, I used to wear it in the common room to annoy Remus.’

‘Coffee?’ She waved her wand at the kettle, ‘We’ve only picked up instant, sorry.’

‘Instant is great, so long as there is sugar.’ He leant against the vast, kitchen table. It was made of a single piece of oak, the edges still holding the shape of the tree.

‘Three sugars.’ She pulled a face, ‘Why do you drink it like that?’

‘To spite my father,’ He shrugged, ‘And then I started liking it.’

Lily laughed then and was rewarded with patented Sirius Black grin.

‘Prongs not up?’

‘He’s gone back to bed, he said it was a hard one?’

Sirius nodded, ‘Will be again tonight, I think. A double moon is hard enough, but the wolf was so confused.’

He winced as he reached for the mug, she handed him.

‘Sit down and let me look.’ Lily insisted.

Sirius opened his mouth to argue and then sighed. He detached himself from the table and tugged his jumper and t-shirt over his head.

Sirius had never been big. Strong, well-muscled but sleek. Godric knew they’d seen him in various states of undress all through school, though never directly after he’d visited his family. It hurt Lily’s heart to see his skin – so pale compared to the skin kissed tan he normally managed to achieve year-round, and worse next to the jagged black tattoos – moving over every bone. His left side was a mass of purple bruise.

‘What happened?’ She managed to keep her tone business like, while secretly wondering if she would have to go and wake James to find similar bruises.

‘Padfoot had a high-speed collision with a tree. Prongs is fine.’ Not so secretly then.

‘Mmm.’

‘Lily, please. We know what we are doing.’

Lily grabbed the first aid kit from under the skin and handed him a pot of arnica cream, ‘I know, Padfoot, I do. How’s Remus this morning?’

‘Best left to himself. Sorry.’

She nodded. She had known about Remus’ furry little problem nearly as long as the Marauders had. Months where the moon was full for more than one night really took their toll, and Remus found it so very hard to be around humans in the daylight hours between, as though he could feel the pull of the moon far away on the other side of the world.

Sirius, sitting now, pulled his jumper back on, and immediately got stuck, tangled in the layers of fabric.

Lily laughed, stepping in and letting her hair brush past one of his flailing arms before tugging the t-shirt down to help. Surprising Sirius with physical contact was always a terrible idea.

He of course, had no such qualms about surprising other people. No sooner had his head shot out of the jumper, he caught her around the middle, pulling her into a tight hug.

She giggled, surprised, then laid her cheek on the top of his head, stroking long smooth motions down his shoulder blades. She would never admit to it out loud, but she had the worst crush on Sirius for their first few years at Hogwarts. He had been surprisingly close to most of the Gryffindor girls, even after several disastrous relationships. He had never tried it on with Lily, and, in private, they had been quite good friends. That hadn’t changed when she and James got married. On nights James had been out on Auror duty, Sirius had sat in the cottage with cards, or music or building nursery furniture to occupy heavily pregnant Lily in anything other than worry. If James were Sirius’ brother, then Lily was his sister.

‘Are you going to ask me?’ He said quietly.

‘Ask you what love?’

He made a haughty sound in reply.

‘No. You’ll tell me about that place when you want to.’

He released her, ‘You have my thanks, Lily Potter.’

Lily put her hands on her hips and arched an eyebrow at him, ‘Sirius Orion Padfoot Black. What is wrong? You never call me Potter, and you sound posh.’

He chuckled, looking up at her with some emotion she couldn’t decode swimming in the liquid mercury of his eyes, ‘I have need of a favour.’

‘You still sound like twelve-year-old you.’

‘Mmm, I’m not surprised.’ He shook his head, ‘When can you get back in the cottage?’

She frowned at the apparent change of topic, ‘The building work is done, but we think we’re going to stay here for a while.’ She pointed to the Daily Prophet on the table, flashing its bold headline.

‘WHAT NEXT FOR THE FAMILY WHO LIVED?’ Sirius read, ‘Yes, probably for the best.’

‘You’re in there too.’

‘Did they blur Remus out?’

‘They did.’ She tilted her head, ‘Why do you always make them do that? You never care who else the press photographs you with.’

‘Because he is dating me, not Sirius Black – disgraced heir.’

Lily nodded, there had been an article in Witch Weekly about her when she and James became engaged. She thought it had been funny at the time, but then James wasn’t nearly the tabloid fuel Sirius was.

‘Any word from Dumbledore?’

‘No. I’m glad of it.’ She watched Harry for a moment, ‘Until we know, for certain, he is just a normal little boy.’

‘Good.’ Sirius sipped his coffee, ‘I hope you don’t mind, I ordered him a new broom.’

‘Of course, you did.’ She smiled and shook her head, ‘They’ll both be thrilled.’ Lily turned back to Sirius, leaning her hip against the table, ‘So, what’s the favour?’

He pushed his hair back out of his eyes, ‘I need to see my grandfathers.’

Lily nodded for him to go on. He hadn’t said a word about whatever Pollux had whispered in his ear to bring him round at the trial. Until now.

‘My mother is unwell.’ Sirius sounded calm, he spoke quietly, and Lily realised she was holding her breath waiting for the other shoe to drop, ‘Has been since Regulus… Anyway. The family has a dilemma.’ He sipped his coffee again, though Lily thought he probably wasn’t actually tasting it, ‘With Regulus serving a life sentence, and Bella and Rodolphus and Rabastan doing the same, the options for the Noble House of Black just became very narrow indeed.’

Lily let all her breath out in a huff, ‘What about Andromeda?’

‘A woman, with a Half-Blood daughter. Doesn’t quite fit the bill, does it.’

He looked up at her again, she expected the hard steel that normally came from any length of conversation about the family, but no. His eyes were still fluid, alive and silver.

‘Pollux said they would reinstate me. That’s why the Wizengamot didn’t put up much of a fight, the family pressured them.’

‘Sirius – ‘

He put up a hand to stop her, ‘Let me get it all out.’ He took a deep breath, ‘I wouldn’t have to move back. Or at least, not until after _she_ dies. I sent them a message last week when Remus was out. He doesn’t know, nor James. They want a meeting, somewhere neutral.’

‘What is the favour Sirius?’ It felt like a block of ice had settled in her chest. She knew, was certain what he was going to ask. Technically Sirius’ grandparents had never been Death Eaters, but the idea of having them in her house was horrifying.

‘Will you come with me?’

She blinked, ‘What?’

He sighed, ‘It’s Pureblood bollocks. James will panic about me and get all prim at them. Remus… until I know exactly what is happening, I want to keep my so called “half-breed” gay lover away from them. And them from him, his temper is more frayed than I like.’

‘And I’m not only a sensible grownup, but a Muggleborn to throw in their faces.’ Lily could feel her temper rising. He never _bloody_ thought.

‘Well yes.’ Sirius smiled gently, ‘But not just that. You won’t let me be goaded, I won’t let myself be goaded if you are there. And because if they want me back, they need to know precisely what that means for the future of the House.’

‘And taking me along shows them you mean it, they have to deal with the Blood Purity thing or what, face extinction?’

‘Effectively, yes.’

‘Where are you meeting them?’

‘In Hogsmeade. On Beltane morn.’

She took him in, the sincerity of his voice, the calmness in his eyes, ‘Yes. Alright.’ 

Sirius put down his mug with a decisive click, ‘Thank you Lily. I will tell Remus, in my own time. But I won’t ask you to keep this from James.’

Lily pushed a stray curl behind her ear, ‘Are you considering it? Taking them up on the offer?’

Sirius paused, she could see him really thinking it over, ‘Maybe. I’m not saying I want it, you know I washed my hands of everything to do with them. But I was born and raised to do it.’ He caught her eye again, ‘Remus would never have to fear financial ruin again.’

Lily swallowed the thought, the question, now wasn’t the time. She flicked her wand at the kettle to fill again, ‘Will you help me with breakfast?’

He nodded and stood, ‘Full works for the boys. What will you and Harry have?’

Lily beamed at her son, ‘Harry, would you like sausages?’

‘Mmm, yah.’

‘He’s started talking again.’ Sirius said quietly.

‘Yes. I’m so relieved. I asked Dorcus about it,’ She fetched the frying pan to heat while Sirius poked in the magically cold larder, ‘She says it’s to do with the trauma and then what my fucking sister did.’

Sirius reappeared with an arm full of bacon, sausages, and the cardboard egg cartoon, ‘Oh?’

‘They put him in the fucking cupboard Sirius, how do you _think_ that might – ‘

She realised too late, ‘– Oh Merlin, Sirius I’m sorry I wasn’t thinking…’

He shook his head, putting everything down calmly on the table, ‘You shouldn’t have to. Did they hurt him?’ He was watching the table though.

‘I don’t th – ‘

Sirius’ head snapped up and Lily felt like his eyes were physically – more likely magically – pinning her to the spot. There was no point in lying to her Legilimens brother-in-law.

‘He had a few bruises, nappy rash. He didn’t really cry, I don’t think she came if he did.’

Sirius walked down the length of the table, and around to Harry’s playpen. He paused only to glance at her for permission. Lily nodded, her chest felt tight with anger and a soul numbing sadness.

Sirius bent, not a care for his bruised ribs now. He scooped Harry up, balancing him on his hip and tucking a curled finger under his chin, ‘ _Regarde moi, b_ _é_ _b_ _é_.’

Lily knew the only French Harry ever heard was from Sirius, yet the little boy stared up at his godfather with his bright green eyes as though he understood.

‘ _Tu es adoré_ , by Mama and Dada, by Uncle Moony, by me. We will always love you.’

Harry solemnly patted Sirius’ cheek, and then giggled as Sirius pressed his face to Harry’s neck and blew a raspberry. Sirius lowered him carefully back into the playpen and padded his way back up the kitchen.

‘Never apologise to me for that Evans.’ Sirius said without looking at her, waving his wand at the sausages so they flew into the pan, ‘You didn’t do it to me. Or to Harry. You didn’t live it, you shouldn’t have to think of it.’ He shot her a look, ‘And he will be fine, he’ll not remember what your idiot sister did, I promise you that.’

James skipped into the kitchen just as Sirius was rescuing the last of the fried bread, ‘Morning Pads.’

‘Morning Prongs, how are you doing?’

‘Fine, fine.’ James kissed Lily’s cheek and grabbed the plate she had just finished filling, ‘You? You know there’s several trees in my estate with you shaped dents in.’

‘Very funny. I’m fine. I’ve been entertaining your charming wife.’ Sirius waggled his eyebrows at Lily to make her laugh.

‘Please, I know you aren’t stupid enough to cheat. Speaking of, how’s Moony today?’

‘Not up yet, I’m just going to – ‘

Sirius had picked up Remus’ plate and turned to the door, then stopped and smiled, that secret smile that was only for Remus, ‘Good morning love.’

Lily put the tea pot on the kitchen table, tucking her hair behind her ear again, ‘Hello Remus.’

She knew, after all these years that she shouldn’t be afraid of him. Remus was the kindest, gentlest man she knew – aside from James – but the haunted, feral look in his eyes and the smooth way he loped the length of the kitchen to Sirius reminded her that somewhere the moon was still full and he was not wholly their Remus.

Sirius put the plate down, and she was struck by the way both of her other men seemed so horribly calm. As Sirius reached out and brushed a curl of Remus’ hair from his eyes, she wondered just how many mornings like this at school James and Sirius had stood at Remus’ side and protected him.

‘Thank you.’ Remus’ voice was quiet, ‘And you Lily.’

She shook her head, ‘Not at all, come and sit.’

Mornings in the Great Hall at Hogwarts came back to her, as she watched James jiggle Harry on his lap, making jokes and being a giant messy haired distraction, while Sirius poured Remus’ tea and shared more than half of his breakfast with Remus after the werewolf had eaten everything on his own plate. It was a strange insight after years of ignoring their nonsense.

James’ boisterous distractions had annoyed her no end before they dated, it was only now she could see how special his talents were, lighting up the room and their day, providing a safety and normality for the other two.

She saw the way Sirius’ long fingers rested lightly on Remus’ wrist, the little words of French or Welsh that passed between them. It was a sharp contrast to the last time they had all been together, after the trial. Now it was Remus who leant against Sirius and watched him for his cues.

Eventually Sirius stood, gently tugging Remus after him.

‘I cooked, so you can wash up Potter.’ He smirked at James, ‘Thanks for breakfast, and the coffee Lils.’

Remus smiled at Harry as they disappeared, and James cocked his head to listen to their feet on the stairs.

‘Well, that’ll be Pads getting his own back then.’

Lily nearly dropped her tea, ‘James!’

He cackled, ‘Oh they’re always like this.’

She frowned, ‘Not since school.’

James passed her Harry and stood to start the washing up, rolling up his sleeves, ‘No. Because we almost always saw them with the Order, or one or other of them was off doing Order work. Then they broke up.’

Lily spotted the bite shaped bruise on his forearm and frowned, but he waved her off, turning on the tap and squirting the soap.

‘This is the first chance they’ve had to be themselves, by themselves since school. And even then, they shared a room with the other three of us.’ He shrugged, ‘Good on them I say.’

Lily smiled and rested her head against her son’s for a moment, wondering how long this chance would last if Sirius’ family had their way.


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: Hello! I'm so sorry this is late, I've been doing some ground work on my fics and this one got away from me a bit. Anyway, let me know what you think! More to come.

Sirius padded lightly across the bedroom floor, skirting his abandoned jeans and shirt, left on the golden boards from the night before. He was careful to give the garland that wound across the chest at the end of the bed a wide berth. The rich almond and coconut smells of the hawthorn and gorse he had decorated the flat with made him smile, but the idea of getting any part of his naked skin too close to the wicked thorns was not a pleasing one.

The night had been perfect. They went out for dinner, Remus let him pay, they had drunk wine and laid on the roof to watch the stars. Sirius had cast a series of complex meteorological charms to push back the light pollution that reduced London's skies to burnt orange in the night and let the crystal starlight press through. They went to bed and spent hours entwined in the sheets.

A perfect Beltane night.

Except he still hadn't told Moony.

Sirius had hoped the words would come to him in the weeks that passed since he asked Lily to accompany him. He leant against the bathroom tiles under the shower and sighed. It just had to be done, and damn the words.

Remus was blearily rubbing his face and trying to look awake when Sirius returned with tea and toast for him. He rescued his own mug of strong, black coffee as he handed Remus the tray.

'Mo – orning' Remus yawned.

'Morning, love.'

Sirius folded onto the foot of the bed, drawing his knees up and leaning against the foot board.

'I'm going out with Lily this morning, I wondered if you want to come with me to theirs?'

Remus frowned at him around his 'kiss the prefect' mug, 'What are you two up to?'

Sirius swallowed a mouthful of too hot coffee, 'She's doing me a favour.'

Remus always knew. He put his mug down on the bedside table, 'Tell me everything Padfoot.'

Sirius rubbed his face with his hand, 'We're meeting Pollux and Arcturus.' He caught Remus' gaze, 'Pollux told me at the Wizengamot, they want to talk. To discuss the future of the family, and my part in it.'

'And you are taking Lily?' There was a hint of venom in Remus' voice now, and Sirius felt another stab of guilt.

'Yes.'

'Why?'

'Because she doesn't know the whole of it, and you or James would be as angry and likely to start a fight as I am. Because my first instinct will be to protect her, rather than blow up the old cunts. Because – '

'Because you want to hear what they have to say.' Remus cut him off flatly. 'This is what you meant by, if you were clever neither of us would have to work ever again.'

Sirius could feel Remus coming to conclusions and the conversation getting away from him, like the floor was tilting out from under his feet. He threw himself forward, mindful of his coffee and not throwing it all over the bed and caught Remus' hand. He tugged on it to make Remus look at him.

'I do want to hear what they have to say, because I'm curious and they are desperate. Because without reinstating me, the family dies with them.' Remus tried to look away and Sirius tugged his wrist again, 'But if you say now that you don't want me to go. I'll floo Arcturus and cancel. Tell them as far as they are concerned, I changed my name to Potter six and a half years ago and they can all go hang.'

He meant it, every single word. He always did.

Remus was watching him, the old, hard and icy expression in his eyes from when they thought each other the spy, from when Sirius sent Snape to the Willow, from every time Sirius had proven that he was the monstrous Pure-Blood he fought so hard not to be. It was all Sirius could do to hold that eye contact, hold his mind wide open if Remus wanted to look and see how much he meant it.

Remus looked down at his toast, 'What happens to us?'

Sirius didn't play coy, he knew what Remus meant, 'Any deal they want to make has to include you.'

'Sirius, you know they won't accept that. These are the men that married your parents.'

'True. But I'm already out.' Remus snorted a laugh, 'Ha ha, yes. Very funny. I meant of the family, but yeah also that. And I figure if you agree to marry me before I'm reinstated there's shit all they can do about it.'

That stopped him laughing.

'What?'

'Marry me.'

'Sirius…'

'Marry me, right now.'

Remus rolled his eyes, exasperated but smiling, 'I can't marry you right now. You don't have a dress, or rings, or… a church. We can't even get married _in_ a church.'

Sirius laughed then, 'Your Muggle churches with your daft rules. No, we'll do all that stuff later. Lily would kill me if I denied her the chance to be at our wedding. Weddings and marriage aren't the same thing.'

'Merlin's Beard that's probably the most profound and adult thing you have ever said.'

Sirius waggled his eyebrows, 'I think you'll find the most adult thing I have ever – _mrphd_! Remus shoved a slice of toast into his mouth.

He bit off a piece and handed the rest of the slice back, 'Anyway. Marry me. I know how to do it.'

'This is one of those Ancient and Noble things isn't it?'

Sirius nodded, sitting up and folding his legs, 'A Handfasting. It lasts as long as we choose, a year and a day, three years, nine years or forever.'

'What happens when the time is up?' Remus was looking curious now, in spite of himself, Sirius thought.

'We can do it again.' He smiled, winningly.

Remus glanced down to where their hands still touched on the bed, 'What would it mean, Sirius?'

'That as far as Magical law is concerned, we are married. That no magic in all the world can part us before it's done. Neither of us can be coerced into marrying anyone else or doing anything to hurt the other that we don't want to.'

'Why have you never mentioned this before?'

'Because I didn't think.' He grinned, these words were the only words he had ever said that mattered, nothing in his whole life had been more important than right now and these words, and finally he had the right ones.

'This isn't about my family Rem. I love you. I want you, I have done since we were kids. I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you before I even knew I was into men, or anyone, frankly.'

Sirius brough Remus' hand to his lips and kissed, 'Remus John "Moony" Lupin. Please will you marry me?'

* * *

Sirius stepped out of the fireplace at the Potters' first, moving quickly to the side and brushing the soot off the open black robes he wore.

'Merlin-fuck!' James' startled shout came from the sitting room doorway, and Sirius jerked his head up, reaching for the wand tucked neatly into his jacket pocket. The he realised James was staring at him.

Remus stepped out of the fireplace and took in James' expression, 'Ah, yes. I know.'

Sirius looked from one to the other, 'What?'

James crossed the room and caught his wrist. Sirius allowed himself to be towed out into the grand entrance hall and stood in front of the ornate, wall height, gilded mirror. He hadn't looked in the mirror before they left. He'd been avoiding them in general since Azkaban. He knew now why James had sworn.

He wore another pristine, extortionately expensive suit. The obsidian black material was cut slim and accentuated his height. The shirt was grey, the tie was black to match the waistcoat and suit. The robes made his shoulders broader, his hair had grown out a little, but not enough to tie back.

He'd always been told he looked like his father, had seen it in his own face sometimes. Today it was like looking at a portrait with tiny, deliberate mistakes. There was something in the height of his cheekbones, and the way the flesh beneath hadn't fully filled out since Azkaban that screamed Walburga, but there was no denying who he was.

He caught Remus' eye in the reflection for a moment and the relief that followed his nod nearly made him vomit there and then.

Sirius' reflection grinned at James, 'Not too shabby, eh?'

James grinned back, 'That's ruined it, perfect.'

'Is Lils ready?'

'No.' She called from the grand stairs, 'I need to go change.'

Sirius turned and smiled, 'I think you look lovely.'

She wore a navy-blue dress, with a little Peter Pan collar and a high waisted, short circle skirt that flared as she ran down the last turn of the stairs. She had paired it with high brown leather boots and a belted coat. She had pulled the top part of her hair back, the deep red curls bright against the dress.

'I'm underdressed, next to you.'

James kissed her cheek, 'You're beautiful.'

Lily batted him away, 'Remus, will you keep an eye on Harry. And James.'

'Of course. And if Sirius becomes too difficult just leave him there.'

Sirius pushed the way Remus' words stung away, it was a joke, and he knew not a one of them would leave him in the hands of his family.

When they kissed goodbye, Remus pushed his hands into Sirius' hair and raked his nails over his scalp. Sirius bit his lip in return, possessively. And then he was back in the swirling flames of the floo.

* * *

They were waiting. In a private room, upstairs in the Three Broomsticks. Sirius followed closely behind Rosmerta, replying to her polite enquiries to his health with single words and tight smiles. He would feel badly for that later, but he'd make it up to her another time.

Lily reached forward and brushed her fingers against his back as they stood in front of the oaken door, it was all the courage he needed. Sirius ducked through the doorway and faced them.

Of the two, Sirius had always preferred Arcturus Black, his father's father. The eighty-two-year-old looked worn, like washed parchment and sat with his bony hands folded in his lap by the fire. It wasn't really cold enough for it, but the fire crackled merrily away nonetheless. Sirius took in the way his grandfather's hair had finally given way to grey, tied neatly at the base of his neck with emerald green ribbon. It was Arcturus side he inherited his tallness from, but he could tell now that age had taken its toll and his grandfather would be almost a full head shorter.

Pollux looked much as he did at the trail, though Sirius' memories were still hazy, the potions he had been fed clouding his mind forever on those moments. Pollux was distinctly shorter that Sirius, easily seen as he stood both hands clasped atop his cane, though Sirius very much doubted he needed to lean on it.

Both men's eyes were still sharp as they turned to Sirius and Lily, even as Pollux's lips twisted in a sneer and Sirius summoned his voice.

' _Bonjour_ ,' He nodded to Arcturus, 'and _kalimera_.' He exchanged glares with Pollux, 'We will conduct this interview in English, for Mrs. Potter's sake.'

Sirius gestured to Lily, 'Mrs. Lily Potter, these are Arcturus Black and Pollux Black,' He indicated each man in turn, 'My grandfathers. In my and my brother's absence technically the running of the family returns to Arcturus and my mother, but we are given to believe she is unwell, so her father comes to parle with us.'

With this, Sirius swept into a chair, seemingly at random, but leaving the chair next to him for Lily as the closest one to the door. Just in case.

'It is a pleasure to see you again Mrs. Potter, though I am confused as to your being here?' Pollux was frowning.

Lily sat easily next to Sirius, 'I wish I could return the sentiment, Mr. Black. I am here at Sirius' behest, to support him and ensure there is no foul play.'

'Your Mudblood insults us, Sirius.'

Sirius felt the snarl start and his hand begin to drift towards his wand when Arcturus finally spoke.

'That is _enough_ , Pollux.' Arcturus leant forwards and waved to the sealed bottle of the house mead on the table. It uncorked itself and poured the honey coloured liquid into four tumblers.

'Sirius is entitled to bring anyone he wishes.' Another flick of his fingers and the glasses with their sunlight drams floated to their hands, 'I presume he chose Mrs. Potter for several reasons, not least because it would goad you.'

Sirius sipped the mead, it was spiced and warm and probably more alcoholic than was safe, 'This is delightful.'

'Mmm, an old favourite.'

'Can we get on with this?' Pollux was ignoring the hovering glass and Sirius was almost completely certain that was why Lily accepted hers and tasted it.

Sirius took another mouthful, relishing the burn of the alcohol. He hadn't really drunk except for a few glasses of wine last night since he had been pardoned.

'Yes, let's.' Arcturus nodded, 'Sirius you know why we have asked you to meet with us.'

'You think I might help you save your sorry family from extinction.'

'Our family, Sirius. It is yours too.'

Lily crossed her legs in the way that made James stare and – in normal circumstances – made Sirius grin, she was in her Head Girl, all powerful authority mode and he loved her for it. She held Arcturus gaze as she spoke.

'Sirius was disowned, publicly, loudly and violently.'

'Mmm, yes. But such things can easily be undone.'

'How?'

Arcturus arched a greying eyebrow, 'I am given to understand that you are a remarkably bright witch, you must be aware that situations can change.'

'I do, but I was under the impression that Sirius being disowned was permanent.'

Sirius shook his head minutely and Pollux caught it, 'Sirius understands.'

'I do, but I want to hear you say it.'

Pollux sighed dramatically, 'Inheritance passes down the male line of our family. With Regulus facing a life sentence in Azkaban the only person we could transfer inheritance of the family line to is Sirius. While he lives there are no options, his female relatives would be simply… overlooked by the magic that runs through all our veins.'

Sirius chuckled mirthlessly, 'So the options are to reinstate me, or murder Regulus and me just to hope it will pass to Bellatrix. But you can't be certain,' He waved a hand at Arcturus, 'You have a daughter, which means it might jump to the Prewetts. Or it could skip to the Malfoys, don't Narcissa and Lucius have a son?' He took another sip of mead, 'You _need_ me.'

Pollux threw a copy of the Prophet down and Sirius recognised the photograph of himself and a blurry Remus who was trying to push Sirius out of the border.

'We _need_ an heir who knows his place. You were barely out of Azkaban before they caught you galivanting with yet another man.'

'There are certain expectations of you Sirius.' Arcturus began.

But Sirius was laughing. He threw his head back and laughed, long and hard until all three of them stared at him.

'Let's get a few things settled,' He said when the echoes of his laughter died away, 'I am not my father. I will not be married off to someone of your choosing. If, _IF_ , I agree to this, then yes, I will do my duty and ensure the Black family continues. But under my own terms and making all my own decisions. _Est-ce absolument clair_?'

Arcturus and Pollux exchanged a long look, and Sirius wondered just how many of his family got by on Legilimency for everything. Sirius reached into his robes and pulled out his tobacco, rolling swiftly and was pleased to discover his hands did not shake. He lit it using a click of his fingers, even though he preferred a match, just for the effect.

'Must you? A foul habit.' Pollux sneered, breaking his gaze away from Arcturus.

'One of the many things I inherited from my father.' Sirius smirked back.

'We are not here to spar,' Arcturus interrupted, 'We would be willing to agree to these conditions Sirius, yes. Will you agree to returning to the family?'

'I have further conditions, and I want them all agreed in writing.'

'You may have my oath.'

Sirius nodded to Lily, 'We'll have it in writing, and an Unbreakable Vow, or Sirius and I will leave now.'

She was so firm, so well put together. Sirius could have kissed her.

'Fine.' Pollux cracked first, 'Do you have a list of your terms?'

'I do.'


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: I’m so sorry I left you all like that! It’s been a busy, busy couple of weeks and I’m not very well again. But never mind eh? Back now. Where did we leave my boys and Lily..?

Sirius stepped out into the bright sun ahead of her, stretching his arms and rolling his neck. He spun on the spot, letting his arms drop and shoving his hands deep into his trouser pockets. He cocked his head at her, waiting.

Lily followed him, linking her arm with his and letting him steer them down the road. Sirius allowed the physical contact, squeezing her arm against his ribs once gently, and reached into his robes with his other hand for his tobacco. Normally Lily might consider complaining, but after the morning in the Three Broomsticks she almost felt like asking him for one – something she hadn’t done since before Harry was born.

It was strange how much Sirius looked like his father, and yet Arcturus didn’t. Though she couldn’t see overly much of Pollux in Sirius either, he was shorter and slighter – more like Regulus – but of the two had been the more difficult. Every word, every line of argument that he could make, he had done.

Tucked up against Sirius she could feel the tiny tremors in his tense form. He didn’t bother with a match, snapping his fingers to light the roll-up and sending a stream of smoke into the golden afternoon light. He looked down at his hand, turning it this way and that.

‘You did a good job with the Vow, there’s barely any scarring.’

Lily turned her face up to him, smiling, ‘You are welcome, but I wouldn’t have agreed so fast if I knew you might be scarred.’

His lips twitched in what might have been a smirk, his eyes were dark today, swirling coils of silver and steel, rimmed with thick black lashes and grazing the ground ahead of them, ‘Only if the Bonder is lacking in skill, or conviction.’

He stared at his hand again, before bringing his cigarette to his lips.

‘Are you alright Padfoot?’

He smiled down at her, ‘I’m Sirius Black, heir of House Black again, I have no fucking idea how I am. But I know that Hagrid has my motorbike, and we are going to go get her.’

‘You are expecting me to get on the bike?’

‘Yep,’ He chuckled, ‘And I won’t tell James how much you enjoy it.’

Lily leant her head against his shoulder, ‘You had better not.’

* * *

James had taken Harry up to bed, and Remus curled into the cushioned window seat, watching the sun set across the steep Downs, its fire kissing the ancient beech trees was idyllic. Except that there was no sign of Sirius or Lily.

It was a week still until the full moon, which was how Remus was managing not to pace. Rationally, he knew that they were both in a public place and would take care of each other. But it was like anything else, years of war had worn his ability to think calmly about it away to dust. Dusk poured over the grounds, eating up the lawns between the ancient house and the trees, swallowing the Quidditch hoops and the patio, until all was in shadow.

The lounge lamps flared into life, and blinking, Remus saw James’ reflection in the glass walking towards him. As he turned, James held out a glass of red wine.

‘Here.’

Remus smiled and let go of the cord tied around his left wrist he had been fidgeting with to take the glass, ‘Ta Jim.’

James leant against the nearest arm of the settee and sipped his wine, ‘So, how are you feeling?’

Remus frowned, ‘I haven’t quite reached the point of Apparating to Grimmauld Place yet.’

James shook his head, ‘No, not that. They’ll be fine. I mean about him maybe taking it back?’

‘Oh. That.’ Remus looked down at his glass, and his eyes lingered on the woven strands of red, gold and silver poking out of his sleeve, ‘He’s my world, James. If he wants to do this, I’ll support him.’

‘But?’

He smiled, James knew them all far too well, ‘They were monstrous, and as well as he seems now, I’m worried what this will do to him. What the pressure will do, even without them, or suddenly being “The Black Heir” again. And…’ He let his voice trail off.

‘And what will happen to you both.’ James supplied.

‘Mmm,’ Remus made an uncommitted sound, unaware of fidgeting with the woven cord again.

James’ eyes caught the movement. He cocked his head, ‘Remus, what is that? You’ve been playing with it all day.’

Remus felt immediately guilty.

‘Now you are blushing. Literally blushing, Moony. What’s going on?’

He pushed up his sleeve to show the long rope knotted loosely around his wrist. They had doubled it back on itself a few times since it was long enough to tie Sirius and Remus’ hands together. The conjured fabric caught the light, bright silver and gold entangled in Gryffindor scarlet.

‘Sirius wanted me to keep it on, while he was… away. But I know he would have wanted to tell you himself.’

James was staring at it, he dragged his eyes up to Remus, ‘I think I’m going to need to hear you actually say it.’

‘He asked me to marry him this morning, and I said yes.’

* * *

They stuck to the roads for most of the ride, even though it was long, and dark had fallen by the time Sirius revved the bike down the drive to the Potter Manor. Lily’s arms were tight around his waist and when she laughed with joy on the corners he grinned and went faster.

It had given him time to think, to decide what would happen next. They would tell the others the deal, he and Lily could cook dinner. Everything would be fine. Everything would have to be fine. It just had to be.

The gravel crunched under the tires as he pulled up by the door, and he held the bike still while Lily jumped off. He kicked the stand as a shadow passed across the drive, and he turned so see her dart across the stones to fling herself into James’ arms. Their laughter filled the night, as Sirius looked passed James to Remus, leaning in the doorway, glass of wine dangling from one hand. His beautiful amber eyes raked Sirius’ face, and Sirius let his feet march him forward.

He sidestepped the Potters, striding directly to him. Remus seemed to see what he wanted to find in Sirius’ face, because his lips twitched in the tiniest smile. He was barely aware of making the decision to move, lacing his fingers through Remus’ while his other hand curled around his neck, pulling him down the inch or two difference between them to kiss him.

‘ _Mon cheri_ ,’ Sirius muttered the words against Remus’ lips, feeling the world right itself as Remus squeezed his hand.

‘Are you alright?’

Sirius nodded mutely.

‘We picked up steak.’ Lily said brightly from behind them, ‘Sirius and I.’

‘You did?’

Sirius turned, grinning, ‘We did. From that good butcher in Edinburgh. It’s in the bike.’

Lily ran back to grab it as they went in, and Sirius swiped Remus’ wine glass. Remus gave him a significant look over James’ head and Sirius felt the smile freeze on his face. It took less than a heartbeat, less time that it would have taken to blink. Legilimency had never come as easily to him as Occlumency, but with Remus it could be like breathing. So he saw, he heard.

James knew.

Sirius nodded and cleared his throat, ‘Lily, can you come and sit down?’

She frowned at him but sat on the settee anyway. He nodded to James to join her.

‘We have something to tell you both.’ Sirius smiled, ‘Remus, _mon bel amour_ …’

Remus reached out his left hand and took Sirius’ right. He felt the warm glow of their combined magic, the petrol and starlight buzz and the comforting glow of wood fire and old books. The cord he had conjured that morning coiled up, interweaving itself to knot their hands together, the ancient magic he had cast still strong.

‘I asked Remus to marry me this morning, and he agreed.’

Lily’s hands flew to her mouth, her bright green eyes sparkling, ‘Oh you monster Sirius!’

He threw his head back and barked a laugh, ‘We performed a handfasting, it’s completely binding.’

Lily grabbed a cushion and threw it them both, Remus tried to dodge and succeeded only in pulling Sirius into the line of fire. This was quickly followed by James colliding with his chest. His hands bunched hard in the back of Sirius’ shirt under his robes and jacket, holding him tight. Sirius wrapped his free arm around him too, and for a moment thought he might never be able to let go.

‘Congratulations Padfoot.’ James said a little hoarsely in his ear, and Sirius felt a lump form in his throat.

‘Ta Jamie.’

‘I’m so fucking proud of you.’

Sirius laughed again and gave him a small shove, ‘You might not be saying that when you find out how the rest of today went.’

Lily tackled him next, ‘How dare you not tell me all day. You were so cryptic and difficult every time they talked about marriage, this is why?’

He gave her a squeeze, ‘Yes.’

The smack to his arm made him laugh, ‘And how dare you get married without us!’

Remus tugged lightly at their conjoined wrists, ‘We apologise. But it was important that it happened before Sirius went to the meeting. Sirius, why won’t it come undone again?’

‘Um…’

Everyone looked at him.

‘It’s supposed to stay joined for the full day after the spell. I jerry rigged it a bit, so you didn’t have to come with me but… um…’ He bit his lip as Remus groaned, ‘Hang on, I can probably do something.’

Sirius held his left hand over the intricate Celtic knot binding them to each other, muttering the words under his breath. The glow that filled them was rosy gold and warm, like candlelight. When it faded, they were left with matching cords half the width the one he conjured to bind them had been. They wrapped and twisted around their wrists, flowing through a never-ending knot. The same knot that the magic had made in the hand fasting, only now in miniature and duplicated. One for each.

‘It’s the same conjuration, just spread out.’

Remus smiled and kissed him lightly, ‘I love it. And Lily, we are still planning on a wedding, have no fear.’

She laughed, ‘Good, because otherwise I would have had to kill you.’

A loud bang made them all jump, and spin to see James looking sheepish with a bottle of champagne.

‘Let’s celebrate, for once.’

* * *

By the time dinner was over and they sprawled out in the parlour they were all a bit tipsy. Even Remus was looking pink, something Sirius had pointed out twice from where he sat on the floor beneath Remus’ chair, cheerfully wedged between Remus’ knees.

James couldn’t be happier for the man he called brother. Sirius was so brave, so protective, he deserved something good. When Remus had left him, James though Sirius would break, shatter in to a million pieces like the stars across the sky. Instead it was like the stars went out.

There was a strain under their family’s happy babble tonight though. A chord slightly too sharp, a note minutely out of tune. It was in the way Lily leaned slightly more heavily against his ribs, and the possessive way Sirius wrapped his fingers around Remus’ ankle or glanced at Remus before letting James top up his wine.

It wasn’t bad yet, the sky wasn’t falling. Sirius wasn’t pacing, or downing whisky, or chain smoking. Remus wasn’t hiding in the kitchen, or behind a newspaper. But James could feel the ice fire of the Noble and Most Ancient House of Black drawing in close.

It was time to draw the poison.

‘So, what happened?’

He pitched his voice low, and gentle, but it didn’t change the way Lily turned to stare at Sirius. Or the way Sirius froze, silver eyes locked on his.

‘It was fine.’

The room held its breath.

Sirius sipped the wine, whetting his lips.

‘It’s done.’ His voice had taken on a strange, sharp quality, like a cat scratch. Like frost, ‘I am the heir again. Upon such time as I am married and provide an appropriate heir of my own, I inherit … everything.’


End file.
